Would you be upset if a TA said this to your child?

[Redsandyellows]

He’s 4 years old.
He told me the class teaching assistant had told him to “stay in there and think about what you’ve done”.
I have had no issues with the school previously and it’s a highly rated school in the area.

When I asked what he had done to warrant this, he couldn’t tell me.
No one spoke to me at pick up about anything.

Its not a phrase we would use at home, so I was quite sure it had come from the school and then he mentioned the TA’s name so I’m adamant he wasn’t making it up.

She’s an older TA (been at the same school at least 20 years).

AIBU or is this inappropriate in such a young class?

Surely you need to have some conversation with him about what he did? If he's done something wrong but didn't know it was wrong (entirely possible with a 4 year old) what good is sitting thinking about it going to do?

Showing she's experienced, been there 20 years so she isn't 18 is she.

No I say stuff like that to my 4 year old all the time! Kids needs firm discipline and boundaries to learn how to behave.

@ancientgran

The time out to calm down precedes a conversation about what happened, what was the wrong choice and how to make better choices in the future.

Very appropriate. My 2 year old sits on the “thinking chair” if they’ve been naughty at nursery. I fully support this.

I'm sure the TA spoke to him about his behaviour after he'd had his little reflection time. You never get a full/correct story from 4 year olds for goodness sake. I remember when mine was in reception for the first month she came out every day and told me all she'd done was sit on the carpet on her own all day! 😛regardless of what she came home covered in!

What phrase would you use if you wanted him to reflect on his behaviour?

Then what is the problem?

What has upset you about this? How do you challenge behaviour at home?

So after he'd sat there wondering about what he was supposed to be thinking about the TA told him. Brilliant strategy.

How do you know he didn't know what he was thinking about?

So he wasn't supposed to be thinking about what he'd done, he was supposed to be calming down? Maybe adults need to think about what they are actually asking a child to do.

In answer to your question, no I wouldnt be upset.

If my child cant tell me I'd tell them that I'll be asking the school directly so that I could understand what happened.

Because that's what he said.

none issue

How odd that he remembered word for word what she said to him but couldn't remember what he'd done. She wouldn't have said it for no reason OP. He's going to get told off occasionally and it'll all be forgotten about within an hour so don't make a thing out of it for him

So you're quite content with your child misbehaving and not having to answer to authorities or think about their actions. Interesting....

He will have known what he'd done at the time, as the consequence will have been straight after. It possible he'd fogotten by the time he got home, but also possible that he knew but didn't want to say.

Making a child stay inside for a few minutes of playtime is a pretty standard consequence at school, and it will have been literally minutes. I doubt they were locking him in the chokey, but if you want more details just ask.

Same. My child went through a short hitting phase when little and its exactly what we did at home so it was great that the behaviour was challenged consistently and it nipped it in the bid very quickly.

Unless he's got the memory of an actual goldfish he'll be aware of why the TA did and said this as it will all have been in the same few moments.

More will have been said at the time. Time out to reflect is usually when what ever he's doing wrong is happening a second or third time after being asked to not do what ever it is.

Nothing to get concerned or angry about. Storm in a teacup

'Sit down and think about what you've done'

Two reasons...

1- calm down
2- think about what has happened.

The child will either sit and do nothing, doing the reflective part with the staff member after or think about what happened and discuss it with the staff member after.

Often children 'can't remember' what happened.

When another child gives their side of the story it's amazing how quickly they remember...

Of course it’s acceptable! Children need time to reflect on their actions and I can be pretty certain he knew what he’s done, he just didn’t want to tell you.

What would you have rather they do?

That's about a tame a telling off as I can think of. YABU.