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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stingy in-laws, dreading visit

272 replies

BruhWhy · 21/02/2023 18:42

I'm going to start this off by saying we do love them and this is (mostly) tongue-in-cheek.

But they're proper stingy and I'm dreading visiting them this weekend 🙈

They live in the Midlands and us down south so we visit every 6 months or so for a couple of nights so they can spend time with the kids, we alternate and it's our turn to go to them.

When they visit I make sure I pull out all the stops to make them feel welcome and well-fed, think lovely salmon fillets, steak and extra nice recipes that I've saved for best, that sort of thing. They're always really grateful and enjoy the food a lot. We don't have loads of money but I really try to make sure we're good hosts.

When we go there we get fed TINY portions of bland, badly cooked, slimming world food (DH's stepmum is lifelong slimming world) which we find odd because FIL is a fantastic cook.

They're really well off, they're buying property abroad outright and have lots of money to spare, so I know it's not a budget issue because I'd totally understand it if that was the case.

We're always really polite about it obviously but by the time we're on the way home the kids are ready to eat eachother and we usually stop for expensive services food.

Last time we were there the kids were ravenous and kept asking for snacks and I could tell it really irritated them, kept saying "they must be bottomless, do they eat this much at home" they're really slim and healthy kids, they just need more than a chicken leg, a single potato and two florets of broccoli to last them 6 hours! So based on that reaction I don't feel I can really be honest with them, it'll just cause tension.

So I'm thinking about it taking a secret bag of food like a proper coward 👀

OP posts:
Turefu · 21/02/2023 18:46

When they’ll ask next time “do they eat that much at home” tell them with smile: they eat more, they’re growing. When is your turn for them to come, cook smaller portions or less expensive food.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 21/02/2023 18:46

Can you hide cereal bars...bags of crisps etc in your handbag or car so that you can discreetly give the children a snack every so often.

Merryoldgoat · 21/02/2023 18:48

Are they the type who would let you do
your own food thing whilst there?

If so then I’d turn up with a shop for the few days and say that the kids are growing and you didn’t want to trouble them.

If they’d get funny then I probably wouldn’t stay with them and opt for Air b&b if you can’t talk to them about it.

NEmama · 21/02/2023 18:48

Suggest going out for food. And "forget" your purse

IsItBedtimeYetNope · 21/02/2023 18:50

Stop feeding them fancy food when they visit. Cook for them what they cook for you. One potato each and do some bland poached chicken.

Oysterbabe · 21/02/2023 18:50

Definitely take extra food.

Mindymomo · 21/02/2023 18:52

I would take snack food, crisps, chocolate etc maybe sandwiches before you get there. We had a relative whose idea of a meal was a tomato and a slice of bread. We still laugh about it, we did get round it by saying as a treat we would eat out as we didn’t want to put them out,

UdoU · 21/02/2023 18:54

Why can’t your dh tell his parents that you both need more food?

I help myself to seconds or thirds at my mum’s.

ZekeZeke · 21/02/2023 18:55

Don't stay with them.
Get an AIRBNB close by.
No bloody way would I have myself or my family go hungry.

LaLoose · 21/02/2023 18:55

If the stepmum is lifelong slimming world, is she a bit over faced when they come to stay with you? Could this be some kind of subtle message? Clutching at straws, I know…

watcherintherye · 21/02/2023 18:55

Definitely take the bag of food! Would your in-laws be receptive to you bringing dishes of ‘leftover’ lasagne/bolognese etc. which you ‘can’t fit in the freezer’, or would they take offence?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 21/02/2023 18:56

My family are the same when we visit!

I keep snacks in my suitcase for the kids now, cereal bars, a few chocolate bars and a pack of biscuits.
Keeps them happy & the family don't moan!

Nevermind31 · 21/02/2023 18:56

Ask for more food. Can’t DH speak to his dad and tell him that you need to eat more? Suggest going out for dinner. Get a take away. Tell Mil that slimming world food is not suitable for growing children.
And stop pulling out all the stops when they visit - serve them tiny portions.

Guis · 21/02/2023 18:57

I don't know how old they are but aging parents do sometimes seem to lose understanding of how much food is right to serve and especially where children are involved. Gran might be on slimming world but a one potato for younger appetites simply won't wash.

Perhaps a word with Dad might help? They cannot go hungry. Or suggest going out to eat and she can see how much they do get through.

PepsiMaxCan · 21/02/2023 18:57

Get Ocado delivered for when you arrive
No shame and they might get the point for next time.

TomatoSandwiches · 21/02/2023 19:01

How awful, you would expect grandparents to be the complete opposite. My one and only was a good cook and always fed us up and taught us age appropriate meals/treats to make, it is one of my favourite memories in the kitchen with Nan.

I would just take food without asking and say the children are going through a growth spurt and you didn't want to put them out with the extra expense.

Original poster
BruhWhy · 21/02/2023 19:01

LaLoose · 21/02/2023 18:55

If the stepmum is lifelong slimming world, is she a bit over faced when they come to stay with you? Could this be some kind of subtle message? Clutching at straws, I know…

No she always says how lovely it all is, and how she's having a weekend of eating whatever she wants! Unless she's being polite, but if so she politely polishes off everything and has polite seconds 😏

OP posts:
ProfYaffle · 21/02/2023 19:02

My PIL were very similar, it never changed. We tackled it with a combination of bringing food that would keep (oatcakes, cereal bars, dried fruit etc) and dh announcing that the dc were hungry and he was putting toast on for them. MIL would fuss and fret but I let him handle it.

She's nearly 90 now and doesn't mass cater for us all any more but still there's absolute conniptions every time one of us sets foot in the kitchen.

Moonicorn · 21/02/2023 19:03

IsItBedtimeYetNope · 21/02/2023 18:50

Stop feeding them fancy food when they visit. Cook for them what they cook for you. One potato each and do some bland poached chicken.

This. And say it’s the ‘adults meal’ whereas the kids are having pizza chips and whatever else, and a huge plate thereof 😂

TomatoSandwiches · 21/02/2023 19:03

BruhWhy · 21/02/2023 19:01

No she always says how lovely it all is, and how she's having a weekend of eating whatever she wants! Unless she's being polite, but if so she politely polishes off everything and has polite seconds 😏

Show quote history

What a polite CF! 😂

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/02/2023 19:05

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 21/02/2023 18:56

My family are the same when we visit!

I keep snacks in my suitcase for the kids now, cereal bars, a few chocolate bars and a pack of biscuits.
Keeps them happy & the family don't moan!

Why don't you ask your family to cater to you properly?!

NoDairyNoProblem · 21/02/2023 19:08

How old are the children? I know mine would have ended up eating practically nothing (or less than that in your case) and having to give DS some of the food off my plate from age 9 onwards with those portions,

I think you guys need to speak up and say I’m so sorry, have we been overwhelming you with food portions at ours when you visit? We obviously eat bigger portions but can cater for you on your next trip. Do you mind if I put together a pot of pasta etc for the DC’s? I would go for huge breakfast before you leave home, picnic before you arrive, snacks and perhaps bring fruit too? One night stay only needing dinner and breakfast when there, make a picnic for the road home/day trip and have a lasagna in the fridge for your return.

Cheeseandpickleplease · 21/02/2023 19:08

Just take. A bag of food and make a joke about your bottomless dc needing lots of snacks to last them the day
no need to hide it

FrenchBoule · 21/02/2023 19:11

Your MIL is a CF. She has no problem in scoffing your finest food including seconds ,yet your kids are not fed properly? I would say something.

My elderly relative who has an appetite of a bird had to have it pointed out that 2 growing children consume MUCH more because they are growing. I asked if there was a problem in supplying more food and if so I’d be happy to take extra on next visit.

BloggersBlog · 21/02/2023 19:12

I have voted YABU - for letting your kids be underfed because you and your husband are too wimpy to speak up for them.

Openly bring snacks/give extra to DCs and push the conversation till it comes up that they need to be offering more food.

And grow a ruddy backbone