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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stingy in-laws, dreading visit

272 replies

BruhWhy · 21/02/2023 18:42

I'm going to start this off by saying we do love them and this is (mostly) tongue-in-cheek.

But they're proper stingy and I'm dreading visiting them this weekend 🙈

They live in the Midlands and us down south so we visit every 6 months or so for a couple of nights so they can spend time with the kids, we alternate and it's our turn to go to them.

When they visit I make sure I pull out all the stops to make them feel welcome and well-fed, think lovely salmon fillets, steak and extra nice recipes that I've saved for best, that sort of thing. They're always really grateful and enjoy the food a lot. We don't have loads of money but I really try to make sure we're good hosts.

When we go there we get fed TINY portions of bland, badly cooked, slimming world food (DH's stepmum is lifelong slimming world) which we find odd because FIL is a fantastic cook.

They're really well off, they're buying property abroad outright and have lots of money to spare, so I know it's not a budget issue because I'd totally understand it if that was the case.

We're always really polite about it obviously but by the time we're on the way home the kids are ready to eat eachother and we usually stop for expensive services food.

Last time we were there the kids were ravenous and kept asking for snacks and I could tell it really irritated them, kept saying "they must be bottomless, do they eat this much at home" they're really slim and healthy kids, they just need more than a chicken leg, a single potato and two florets of broccoli to last them 6 hours! So based on that reaction I don't feel I can really be honest with them, it'll just cause tension.

So I'm thinking about it taking a secret bag of food like a proper coward 👀

OP posts:

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 21/02/2023 19:14

Agree just take food.
My pil were lovely but clueless. Me and dsil used to just take stuff with us. Bread/sandwich fillings/crisps/pasties etc.

MiddleParking · 21/02/2023 19:16

God knows how she’s on swimming world long term on a diet of broccoli florets and one potato. Or perhaps she’s not eating that except when they’re paying to feed guests too. I wouldn’t especially love them nor be tongue in cheek about it. Shit behaviour.

winningeasy · 21/02/2023 19:17

That does not sound fun! It's not right for her to put you all on a diet when she's on one herself, especially when she'll happily eat all your indulgent food when they come stay with you.

I think this time just bring your own snacks and just keep feeding them those before and after meals in front of her. She'll prob get the message.

Maybe offer to bring a dessert to bulk it out. Or some garlic bread to go with the meal. Organise in advance so she gets the message that it's not enough and these meetings should have 'special' food.

I find it very disappointing when people don't make the effort when you go to see them.

Brefugee · 21/02/2023 19:17

if you get on well just tell her plainly: none of you, especially the DCs, is on a diet and you'll be needing bigger portions. If she can't / won't accommodate that either ask if you can cook in her kitchen or take them out for food

winningeasy · 21/02/2023 19:18

Or suggest you go out for food and book somewhere

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 21/02/2023 19:18

Easy to see how they can afford to buy a place abroad outright!

Nimo12 · 21/02/2023 19:19

Either take food or have your husband speak to her or to his dad about it.

LivesOnPigeonStreet · 21/02/2023 19:20

If she is always on slimming world they probably just don't eat that much. They probably don't want your massive portions. I doubt his rich parents don't want to spend money on food for their own grandchildren.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/02/2023 19:21

When we used to go and stay with fil, the first thing we would do was a supermarket shop. Once we had dd and less time, that changed to a shopping list for fil. I cooked. I told dh to tackle this one and fil would buy whatever was requested.

Hadalifeonce · 21/02/2023 19:24

My SiL was like this, often didn't have any actual food, so we would have to shop after we arrived. I always took extras for our DC, cereal bars, crisps fruit etc. and they had those if they were peckish.

Encorebiscuitandtea768 · 21/02/2023 19:24

I think your dh has to have a word and emphasise that the dc are growing and how growing dc need a decently sized meal!

You can lose track of how much young people eat when you are older and used to a certain portion size.

However, if at the core of it this is about money, they are not going to change!

Untitledsquatboulder · 21/02/2023 19:24

If they are fundamentally nice then I'd just tell them - I had to do this with sil when we stayed because she was cooking petite portions for middle aged women which was fine for her and good for me but I have teenage boys one of whom is on a high calorie diet. Once she got her head round the idea of 2 or 3 thousand calories a day she was super helpful.

If that doesn't work you just need to take supplementary rations.

As for what you serve them, that's up to you. Break out the chicken nuggets if it makes you feel better.

tillytoodles1 · 21/02/2023 19:25

My MIL served stingy portions, so I used to hide stuff in the wardrobe that we could eat in the bedroom .

MichelleScarn · 21/02/2023 19:25

Agree with the posters saying stop feeding them so well when they visit! Give them the teeny tiny portions and your kids proper portions separately, and obviously you and dh do some secret kitchen eating! 😉

Izzy24 · 21/02/2023 19:27

IsItBedtimeYetNope · 21/02/2023 18:50

Stop feeding them fancy food when they visit. Cook for them what they cook for you. One potato each and do some bland poached chicken.

What would be the point? Then OP and family would have rubbish food at their own house too!

tealandteal · 21/02/2023 19:28

My MIL takes strange pride in “stretching” their normal meals to also feed us. Often leaving everyone very hungry. DH had a word and it has improved but I am breastfeeding again so next time we visit will be packing snacks. It’s quite nice really, I feed the baby upstairs and have a little snack in peace, then come back down.

Shinyandnew1 · 21/02/2023 19:28

they must be bottomless, do they eat this much at home

I’d laugh and say, ‘yes-they are growing kids and not on a Slimming world diet!’

I’d take plenty of snacks with you but also make sure you say how hungry they are to her when MIL is prepping food, ie if she’s peeling potatoes, suggest she does another 6 as remember, they are growing kids.

I also wouldn’t be arsed to cook them steak and special recipes when they come as they can’t be bothered to look after you and it’ll just piss you off. Just cook what you normally eat when they’re at yours.

amylou8 · 21/02/2023 19:32

I'd turn up with shopping. Snacks for all of you and few kid friendly freezer food type meals. Or stay at a hotel. And I'd stop making so much effort when they visit.

Guis · 21/02/2023 19:32

I don't think this is done out of spite or anything weird. It is simply grandparents have lost a clue about how much younger people actually do eat.

ItchyBillco · 21/02/2023 19:36

BruhWhy · 21/02/2023 19:01

No she always says how lovely it all is, and how she's having a weekend of eating whatever she wants! Unless she's being polite, but if so she politely polishes off everything and has polite seconds 😏

Show quote history

Ha! 😆

Take a bag of snacks and supplies. And get your H to say something.

Are they the sort of people you can joke with? “Sorry Barry, didn’t realise there was a war on?” when presented with a sad little Slimming World (which is a crock) portion.

gazpachosoupday · 21/02/2023 19:41

My Dad tried this once, he was planning on saving the left overs for the next few nights with just him and his partner.

Not once 3 kids all got through theirs, and then the leftovers and then anything left. Kids are like locusts

Favouritefruits · 21/02/2023 19:43

When we visit my BILs I order an Ocado shop to be delivered, I say it’s because I don’t want it to cost them anything but really it’s so I can eat and drink what I want! Maybe you could do similar?

maryberryslayers · 21/02/2023 19:50

Take food with you, oven pizza, bread, sandwich fillings. cheese, fruit, crisps, eggs ect and just make a large 'snack' after your SlimmingWorld meal. If she says anything, just say you're all still hungry.
If she takes offence then so be it. Explain you aren't on a diet so need more calories than SlimmingWorld food provides.

snazzychair · 21/02/2023 19:50

Just be a grown up about it, tell them to make more? I'm sure they aren't going to mind! We had the same, so my husband told his parents, and actually I'm very comfortable talking about the menu before hand. Ask if they mind getting a few bits. You take some stuff.

But just keep treating them when they come to you, it's a lovely thing to do to make nice food. Sometimes older people just don't know so you have to say.