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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out a shocking secret

412 replies

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:21

I'm meant to be getting married to dp next year. But I've just learnt a shocking secret about his family. Me and dp have been having problems anyways but after learning this secret im annoyed at dp for keeping it and I don't feel comfortable marrying into this family and calling them my family, aibu?

OP posts:
Whatisityoucantface · 21/02/2023 20:50

sounds like you’re not sure about marrying him anyway, and this has cemented your feelings about it? Whether you’re being unreasonable or not about your reaction to this secret, break it off sooner rather than later if you feel that’s what is best for you. And good riddance to his dodgy family also!! Good luck

Whatisityoucantface · 21/02/2023 20:52

Depends on your definition of normal…

riotlady · 21/02/2023 21:02

If it was just the secret I would say YABU, as your DH can’t help where he’s come from. But given that it sounds like he puts you down and makes you feel inferior, then you should probably dump him anyway as it doesn’t sound like the making of a happy marriage

Waitymatey · 21/02/2023 21:02

It’s unlikely to be cousins marrying as this is legal and hardly the perverse of White British culture

Arrrrrrragghhh · 21/02/2023 21:10

They all voted Brexit?

SiegePerilous · 21/02/2023 21:14

Waitymatey · 21/02/2023 21:02

It’s unlikely to be cousins marrying as this is legal and hardly the perverse of White British culture

The OP said it was something 'incest'-related, but not illegal, which is why people are thinking cousin marriage. and I assume that in specifying that the family are White British, she meant that it had surprised her as they are not from an ethnic group known for cousin marriages.

Redebs · 21/02/2023 21:15

WalkingThroughTreacle · 21/02/2023 16:33

Are they Tory voters?

Deal breaker!
Walk away

Hawkins003 · 21/02/2023 21:16

What's the secret

RosaCaramella · 21/02/2023 21:17

Whatever it is, if it shocks you and you think your partner deliberately kept it from you, I wouldn’t marry them. You’ll never completely trust them again and keeping a distance from their family will be an ingoing stress for the rest of your life.

Sugarfree23 · 21/02/2023 21:18

His mother was up the duff to her cousin, then they got married?

Op look very closely at your own family tree before commenting. Every family has scandal.

Cosmos123 · 21/02/2023 21:22

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:33

It something incestuous. With inbred children being involved. I already felt they had a very concerning attitude to soke very questionable relationships within the family.

They are of a white British culture. So it confuses me and quite frankly makes me really uncomfortable

If it is not illegal then are you saying cousin marriage etc.

Thesaucysalad · 21/02/2023 21:24

I can tell ur one of these annoying people who “checks in” to hospital on facebook for attention 😂

Theunamedcat · 21/02/2023 21:24

Stepchildren marrying?

My family tree is shocking in its secrets but you cannot change the past

TheCatch · 21/02/2023 21:25

One thing you can choose as a woman in the U.K is who will father your child? it doesn't matter how long ago or how far the generations were etc unless this is the last man on earth @Whatheheck if what you have discovered makes you feel uncomfortable or 'sullied', do not procreate with him. Move on and find a much better pedigree.

Redebs · 21/02/2023 21:26

White, British people do incest too.

It was quite common a few generations back in some rural communities. I know of brother/sister couple. And a fair few kids had a father/grandfather who was one and the same.

Btjdkfnn · 21/02/2023 21:28

Is he the father of your kids?

Yogachick · 21/02/2023 21:28

Him judging you is the biggest issue. Who needs that in a loving relationship!

User4891 · 21/02/2023 21:34

Tbh this thread is really pointless and boring if you don't give more details...

pigsinoodies · 21/02/2023 21:34

Redebs · 21/02/2023 21:26

White, British people do incest too.

It was quite common a few generations back in some rural communities. I know of brother/sister couple. And a fair few kids had a father/grandfather who was one and the same.

Norfolk'in way.

ChaToilLeam · 21/02/2023 21:37

Do they own big gold hats and castles?

If so, I’m surprised it took you so long to notice.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 21/02/2023 21:41

If he and his family put pineapple on their pizza then definitely ltb

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 21/02/2023 21:46

Is it that a single roast chicken doesn't feed the whole family for 2 weeks?

Penniesfromheaven77 · 21/02/2023 21:48

BluIsTheColor · 21/02/2023 16:30

It's cycling, isn't it!

Please let it be this 😂

OhmygodDont · 21/02/2023 22:09

Turns out they are all from Alabama really shhh

Sugarfree23 · 21/02/2023 22:13

Redebs · 21/02/2023 21:26

White, British people do incest too.

It was quite common a few generations back in some rural communities. I know of brother/sister couple. And a fair few kids had a father/grandfather who was one and the same.

I honestly don't think brother / sisters couples are common anywhere or at any point in time.
Nor do I think it's ever been common for a man to have sex with his daughter. That's disgusting and has probably always been seen that way. That's the only way someone father could also be their grandfather.