Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Soon to be ExSIL accusing me of financial abuse!

245 replies

WhatsTheGistPhysicist · 20/02/2023 02:44

DB and SIL are divorcing due to SIL having an affair and leaving for another man. The other man has since ended things as the reality of living with 3 children (SIL’s from a previous relationship) was too much for him apparently.

While this has been going on, I sold my business and planned to give my siblings a monetary gift however have been advised to wait until after my brother’s divorce otherwise it could possibly be classed as a marital asset.

SIL has since got wind of this and has been sending demanding solicitor letters wanting to know exact amounts, payment dates etc. The latest letter contains bank details so I can pay SIL “her 50% directly to expedite the process”. I have obviously ignored all letters.

Yesterday, SIL posted a long rant on FB claiming that I am being financial abusive
to her - a single mother with 3 kids to support - and that I am trying to swindle her out of what is rightly hers! So many of the comments were saying that I was being vindictive, punishing her children, forcing her and the kids into poverty, how could I sleep at night etc. She also blamed me for my DB “leaving her high and dry” as I’ve apparently poisoned him against trying to repair the relationship.

I absolutely don’t think I’m being unreasonable by ensuring she doesn’t get a single penny of my money however I’d really like some reassurance as the comments on FB were unanimous that I was wrong!

OP posts:
greenspaces4peace · 20/02/2023 02:48

of course not sound like the money is yours to do as you please.
stay strong and eventually (once the divorce is final) discuss with your brother any wishes (maybe something for post secondary education).

Aranan · 20/02/2023 02:55

She’s living in dreamland! You can do whatever you want to with your own money and owe her nothing. What a lovely thing to do for your siblings :-)

Player001 · 20/02/2023 03:06

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest. Your ex SIL is an opportunistic money grabbing cow. And I guarantee those with an equally corrupt moral compass that are agreeing with her on fb also blame your DB for her having an affair.

If you wanted to fight fire with fire you could get your own solicitor to send her a cease and desist or find herself being accused of defamation.

But I wouldn't give what she or her chavvy mates think of you another thought.

ChatInMyFlat · 20/02/2023 03:13

I'd tell her that I was going to give him 500k as soon as the divorce goes through.

She doesn't even have kids with your DB. Cheeky mare.

Summer2424 · 20/02/2023 03:25

Hi @WhatsTheGistPhysicist you are not being unreasonable, ignore the comments!
It's your money, your choice x

Toomanybooks22 · 20/02/2023 03:32

Player001 · 20/02/2023 03:06

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest. Your ex SIL is an opportunistic money grabbing cow. And I guarantee those with an equally corrupt moral compass that are agreeing with her on fb also blame your DB for her having an affair.

If you wanted to fight fire with fire you could get your own solicitor to send her a cease and desist or find herself being accused of defamation.

But I wouldn't give what she or her chavvy mates think of you another thought.

I don't think it would be worth it to send her a cease and desist. Firstly, it buys into her narrative and secondly OP would have to be prepared to back it up with being prepared to go to take legal action and then honest opinion is a defence so not sure OP would win against the ex-SIL anyway.

nothingmoreatthemo · 20/02/2023 03:35

Your soon to be exSIL sounds just a tad strange. You don't owe her anything and like a PP said, why not ask a solicitor to send a 'cease and desist'?

Lambchop1 · 20/02/2023 03:36

Ignore her. It’s simple. Cut her off completely and block her Facebook. Who cares what she thinks. She put herself in this position when she thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. Then she found it is, as there is more shit that side. If she is high and dry that is her problem.
keep your money for at least a year after the divorce to ensure she has no claim on it at all.

AgentJohnson · 20/02/2023 03:38

I would post back that this woman’s post is missing some context. Protecting the financial interest of your sibling over his cheating soon to be Ex, isn’t abusive but financially prudent. It’s unfortunate that the man she cheated with has decided not to continue their relationship and that her selfish actions will adversely affect her children but that’s her responsibility, not yours.

The prudent advice is to ignore this silly entitled woman.

FredInYourHead · 20/02/2023 03:39

Yanbu at all. She's a chancer.
That's really kind of you as well to gift your siblings

Trez1510 · 20/02/2023 03:40

Although I agree with your moral argument, I'd also say, just to be sure, make sure you delay the gifts to all your siblings until brother's divorce is concluded.

Otherwise, she may have a legal (although not moral) case of him 'cheating' her of assets if only his gift is delayed.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/02/2023 03:59

Laugh your ass off, ignore and move on.

Oh and block her!

StellaGibson2022 · 20/02/2023 04:03

Who is divorcing who?

She could make the process very long and very expensive in terms of the financial order; she’s aware this money is
coming and divorces don’t usually look at the morality involved that contributed to the breakdown of the marriage.

Tourmalines · 20/02/2023 04:36

Of course her Chavy mates will agree and side with her but they are sheep and if they were in your position I believe their thinking would do a 180% turn . You don’t owe her anything, she’s a greedy money grabbing opportunist .

Imogensmumma · 20/02/2023 04:37

Just tell her or write on her post that you have changed your mind and not giving any siblings any money ( you don’t owe them or her anything) or better yet you have changed the amount they are getting to £50 and transfer her half 😂😂😂😂 just to annoy her

Block her and I agree with a pp don’t give any siblings money yet till divorce is done

mAlso well done on having a successful business that resulted in a sale that helps your whole family that is worth shouting from the rooftops

Shamoo · 20/02/2023 05:03

I would actually write back to the solicitor to confirm that, given her behaviour and the complications this has introduced, you have changed your mind and won’t be gifting any of your siblings any money at all. Put the issue to bed for the purposes of the divorce.

Then wait a year post divorce to give it to them.

Unless any of them need any of it urgently.

(Check with a solicitor first though!)

Shamoo · 20/02/2023 05:04

PS YA definitely NBU. Only an idiot would hand the money over now!

user1492757084 · 20/02/2023 05:08

I would cease all communication with S.I.L unless by lawer. In fact I would hire a lawyer to write her a final letter stating that she has no legal claim to any of your hard earned money and that she needs to stop harrassing you and defaming your good name. Include evidence of her behaviour so it is documented. Keep copies of any further harrassment so that you can take out an intervention order on her if need be.

LittleDitto · 20/02/2023 05:11

Tell her you’re going to give her her entire share of absolutely fuck all.

what a cunt.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/02/2023 05:17

user1492757084 · 20/02/2023 05:08

I would cease all communication with S.I.L unless by lawer. In fact I would hire a lawyer to write her a final letter stating that she has no legal claim to any of your hard earned money and that she needs to stop harrassing you and defaming your good name. Include evidence of her behaviour so it is documented. Keep copies of any further harrassment so that you can take out an intervention order on her if need be.

I think this is probably a good approach. Obviously you’re not in the wrong. However, it sounds as though it would be good to shut her down. What a bully.

rwalker · 20/02/2023 05:22

The people commenting are her friends so they will agree with her regardless

ittakes2 · 20/02/2023 06:09

How did she get wind of this?

MintJulia · 20/02/2023 06:13

You aren't being unreasonable. Ignore her. Divorce brings out the worst in people.

Wait until the divorce is done and dusted, then when your brother is faced with a reduced pension or buying a new home with a small deposit, help him with those instead.

Trez1510 · 20/02/2023 06:18

ittakes2 · 20/02/2023 06:09

How did she get wind of this?

I wondered that too.

Also, if she's been left financially 'high and dry', how is she funding all these solicitor's letters?

She sounds like a chav to the core, and it wouldn't surprise me if the letters are not genuinely from a solicitor.

I don't know anything about disputed/contested divorce finances, my own divorce was entirely amicable and grown-up, but would a solicitor really provide an individual's complete bank details in a letter?

The only thing I can say for certain is she's a chancing, cheeky f*cker.

Toomanybooks22 · 20/02/2023 06:22

Trez1510 · 20/02/2023 03:40

Although I agree with your moral argument, I'd also say, just to be sure, make sure you delay the gifts to all your siblings until brother's divorce is concluded.

Otherwise, she may have a legal (although not moral) case of him 'cheating' her of assets if only his gift is delayed.

I agree. If it looks obvious the OP's brother is going to be in receipt of a lot of money straight after the divorce is completed that may be a factor in their financial settlement.

Swipe left for the next trending thread