Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

Soon to be ExSIL accusing me of financial abuse!

245 replies

WhatsTheGistPhysicist · 20/02/2023 02:44

DB and SIL are divorcing due to SIL having an affair and leaving for another man. The other man has since ended things as the reality of living with 3 children (SIL’s from a previous relationship) was too much for him apparently.

While this has been going on, I sold my business and planned to give my siblings a monetary gift however have been advised to wait until after my brother’s divorce otherwise it could possibly be classed as a marital asset.

SIL has since got wind of this and has been sending demanding solicitor letters wanting to know exact amounts, payment dates etc. The latest letter contains bank details so I can pay SIL “her 50% directly to expedite the process”. I have obviously ignored all letters.

Yesterday, SIL posted a long rant on FB claiming that I am being financial abusive
to her - a single mother with 3 kids to support - and that I am trying to swindle her out of what is rightly hers! So many of the comments were saying that I was being vindictive, punishing her children, forcing her and the kids into poverty, how could I sleep at night etc. She also blamed me for my DB “leaving her high and dry” as I’ve apparently poisoned him against trying to repair the relationship.

I absolutely don’t think I’m being unreasonable by ensuring she doesn’t get a single penny of my money however I’d really like some reassurance as the comments on FB were unanimous that I was wrong!

OP posts:

drpet49 · 20/02/2023 08:06

Hence · 20/02/2023 06:27

Oh I see... it is because she is a single mum you all have labelled her a chav. Classy as usual Mumsnet.

Airing your dirty laundry all over Facebook is classic chav.

Twinedpeaks · 20/02/2023 08:09

Just post on her thread about it saying "what are you talking about? Are you ok? Call us if you need us, you know we're here for you". Obviously don't take the call but it'll take the wind right out of her sails and confuse her loyal followers.

BlueHeelers · 20/02/2023 08:10

YANBU. And your poor brother! It's great you've got his back. He sounds well rid of his STBXWife.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 20/02/2023 08:12

I'd be inclined to discuss with solicitor and gift all of my siblings £2000 now.

If you've put nothing else in writing, then that may lay to rest the plan to 'share' your good fortune/earnings from sale of your business with your siblings. I like the earlier post about 'people being grabby' and taking screenshots of her fb page defaming you

Your brother can use his£2k toward his solicitor fees spent so far.
They are separated, Your SIL is not entitled to small amounts of money you gift towards his solicitors fees.

Daisybee6 · 20/02/2023 08:12

Make sure your brother gets a financial order

UdoU · 20/02/2023 08:16

Hahaha she's funny! Just ignore her, don't even respond at all.

Peachy2005 · 20/02/2023 08:16

Trez1510 · 20/02/2023 03:40

Although I agree with your moral argument, I'd also say, just to be sure, make sure you delay the gifts to all your siblings until brother's divorce is concluded.

Otherwise, she may have a legal (although not moral) case of him 'cheating' her of assets if only his gift is delayed.

This! Think it’s important you give no money to any siblings till divorce is final.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 20/02/2023 08:20

I'd gift him £400 and say that's it and watch her face drop. then wait till the divorce is through to gift the rest technically she doesn't know how much your gifting so it'd shut her up!

Cheeky fucker doesn't even have kids with him! Not his job or yours to ensure she has even more money.

LoekMa · 20/02/2023 08:22

She posts her rant on facebook. You respond on momsnet 🤣 does anyone get anything done in your households or are you people just trawling the interwebs to see if your relatives are sounding off about you guys on random forums/websites ?

WickedStepmomNOT · 20/02/2023 08:26

Pity her poor children in all this - lost their stepdad your DB, moved off to the new man who then dropped her, now they just have upheaval. I hope their bio dad is still in the picture for some stability during this horrible time for them.

Yes wait til divorce finalised to make any gifts incl to rest of your siblings, to protect your DB's share. STBX sounds horrible! How long was your DB married to her?

Very generous of you BTW, a lovely sister.

WickedStepmomNOT · 20/02/2023 08:28

LoekMa · 20/02/2023 08:22

Looks like your one of those you people too....

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 20/02/2023 08:29

LoekMa · 20/02/2023 08:22

Aren't you doing the same thing posting on here? what a stupid thing to say.

UdoU · 20/02/2023 08:33

How did she even get wind of it? Why is anyone telling a cheater your brother's financial situation?

DahliaBlue · 20/02/2023 08:35

Change your mind about gifting the siblings because of ths complication. You can always change it back again a few years down the line when circumstances change..

ivegotthisyeah · 20/02/2023 08:35

😂 what planet is she on?
Ignore the truth always comes out none of her business or money greedy cow!!

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 20/02/2023 08:42

Your brother needs to make sure whatever financial settlement they come to, it's one where the ex can't reappear years later and make a claim on his finances. As pp have suggested, block her on FB and ignore.

SatInMySpottyOnesie · 20/02/2023 08:44

Wow!!! CF-ery in the extreme!
You are most definitely NBU
Massive Congratulations on your success ✊🏻

StressedToTheMaxxx · 20/02/2023 08:46

Of course her scummy chavvy mates are going to be on her side, no matter what. Most of them peobably dont even care, its just something to get up in arms about.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I'd maybe hold off on giving all the siblings money until after their divorce.

Oodieoodieoodie · 20/02/2023 08:49

I had a SIL like this; waited for a large inheritance to come through and left 2 days later… coincidence? Not bloody likely. I’d also state there will be no payment to siblings and then sort it after the divorce, just to save any issues

704703hey · 20/02/2023 08:50

It sounds like you are a bit hurt and taken aback at being talked about in this way, which I can understand! Also SIL avarice after causing the break up and cheating.

Is your brother close to the children? Will he stay in contact? I would try to ignore her and not respond, as difficult as it is. And not transfer any money right now.

You do sound like a nice person.

Babyroobs · 20/02/2023 08:50

ChatInMyFlat · 20/02/2023 03:13

I'd tell her that I was going to give him 500k as soon as the divorce goes through.

She doesn't even have kids with your DB. Cheeky mare.

This. What planet is she living on ? Seriously there are way too many of these entitled , greedy grabby people around in society.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 20/02/2023 08:51

Agree. Also, with cost of living, you might need that money yourself now.

whatchaos · 20/02/2023 08:52

Hence · 20/02/2023 06:26

Where does it say she is a working class chav? Middle class people can also be grabby cheeky fuckers too you know? The classism on Mumsnet is mental recently. The STBX sil seems like a nasty cow and I wouldn't give her anything either but no need to make up she is a "chav" when she could be as middle classed as the rest of you.

Exactly - mumsnet posters, do better. Stop using the word 'chav' - it's a slur and makes you sound like horrific classist snobs

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 20/02/2023 08:53

That was agreeing with DahliaBlue. No idea how to do a quote reply!

RedHelenB · 20/02/2023 08:53

How on earth does she know about it? Seems like a drama has been created where there was no need of one.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10