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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Soon to be ExSIL accusing me of financial abuse!

245 replies

WhatsTheGistPhysicist · 20/02/2023 02:44

DB and SIL are divorcing due to SIL having an affair and leaving for another man. The other man has since ended things as the reality of living with 3 children (SIL’s from a previous relationship) was too much for him apparently.

While this has been going on, I sold my business and planned to give my siblings a monetary gift however have been advised to wait until after my brother’s divorce otherwise it could possibly be classed as a marital asset.

SIL has since got wind of this and has been sending demanding solicitor letters wanting to know exact amounts, payment dates etc. The latest letter contains bank details so I can pay SIL “her 50% directly to expedite the process”. I have obviously ignored all letters.

Yesterday, SIL posted a long rant on FB claiming that I am being financial abusive
to her - a single mother with 3 kids to support - and that I am trying to swindle her out of what is rightly hers! So many of the comments were saying that I was being vindictive, punishing her children, forcing her and the kids into poverty, how could I sleep at night etc. She also blamed me for my DB “leaving her high and dry” as I’ve apparently poisoned him against trying to repair the relationship.

I absolutely don’t think I’m being unreasonable by ensuring she doesn’t get a single penny of my money however I’d really like some reassurance as the comments on FB were unanimous that I was wrong!

OP posts:
tenbob · 20/02/2023 08:53

DahliaBlue · 20/02/2023 08:35

Change your mind about gifting the siblings because of ths complication. You can always change it back again a few years down the line when circumstances change..

This…

I would be quite careful about this. I know someone who tried to claim future inheritance as part of a divorce settlement. They had only been married a few years and both in-laws were healthy and relatively young but she wanted it written into the settlement that she could still get a share of her ExH’s inheritance when they died

she didn’t get it but I think partly because they hadn’t been married very long rather than the principle being unfair

LakeTiticaca · 20/02/2023 08:56

Screenshot her ranty posts and don't block, just keep quiet eye on what she is posting.
Don't respond to any of her demands. In posting stuff like this she is making sure that no man with half a brain cell will ever get involved with her 😉
Oh the joys of Facebook , so many people just shooting themselves in both feet!!

MissMarplesbag · 20/02/2023 09:06

Don't give your siblings anything yet, put their portion in premium bonds and leave it for a few years. Then use your brother's share to pay off any debts he has. This way the gold digger cannot get her hands on it, this is what I'd do.

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 20/02/2023 09:07

SIL has since got wind of this and has been sending demanding solicitor letters wanting to know exact amounts, payment dates etc. The latest letter contains bank details so I can pay SIL “her 50% directly to expedite the process”. I have obviously ignored all letters.

Yesterday, SIL posted a long rant on FB claiming that I am being financial abusive to her - a single mother with 3 kids to support - and that I am trying to swindle her out of what is rightly hers!

This has to the single most grabby thing I've ever read on here, aside from the people that think they are entitled to inheritance, of course!

Karatema · 20/02/2023 09:07

I feel your pain! My exSIL (she is ex, my DB is waiting for the financial settlement ruling) asked for my DM's estate to be taken into account! DM is still alive and living in a Care Home. My DH and I are renting her home out and paying the remainder of her fees ourselves. Apparently, it's not good enough she's not in her grave yet!

MissMarplesbag · 20/02/2023 09:08

Karatema · 20/02/2023 09:07

I feel your pain! My exSIL (she is ex, my DB is waiting for the financial settlement ruling) asked for my DM's estate to be taken into account! DM is still alive and living in a Care Home. My DH and I are renting her home out and paying the remainder of her fees ourselves. Apparently, it's not good enough she's not in her grave yet!

Oh my goodness, I hope your solicitor told her to politely fuck off.

CoraPirbright · 20/02/2023 09:16

Could you respond saying that it had been only a vague idea you had to give some money away. You have since changed your mind and are considering purchasing this villa (add photo of achingly gorgeous Barbadian villa) so that your siblings can all enjoy lovely free holidays. Step away and watch her implode. Or is that too evil?! 😁

Bunnycat101 · 20/02/2023 09:18

How did she find out about the gift?

ExtraJalapenos · 20/02/2023 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ShippingNews · 20/02/2023 09:22

I feel your pain ! My exH decided that he was entitled to the inheritance I got after my Mum died . My solicitor told me to block him and move on, since after a divorce you can't just decide such a thing. You should do the same with your ex sil - block and move on.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 20/02/2023 09:24

The Facebook replies are because it’s her facebook hun mates who are commenting on it.

Ignore and block. You’re all well-rid.

MsMarch · 20/02/2023 09:24

FIL had a similar situation with ex SIL. Obviously, it is absolutely ridiculous and you should ignore her completely. And of course her friends are agreeing as they're only hearing her side.

One thing I will add though is that while exSIL was totally wrong and out of line in terms of expecting money from FIL, the truth is that BIL had been extraordinarily emotionally and financially abusive becuase he was an addict and she had 2 kids to support. It was a difficult time for her. Doesn't make her demanding money from FIL okay but I did have some overall sympathy for her. You don't know what may have gone on in their marriage.

ShakespearesBlister · 20/02/2023 09:26

Considering the sale of your business is nothing whatsoever to do with her, on what grounds are the FB comments unanimous and who are the comments from? Why would she think it is rightfully hers? There must be a back story here. Like, was a share promised to her before she went off with another man and is now being witheld to punish her?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 20/02/2023 09:27

If you have access to the thread on FB, add a comment about considering action for libel.

BlueSeaWave · 20/02/2023 09:28

WTAF.
screen shot everything and ignore, she’s bonkers.
You di sound lovely for wanting to treat your siblings thats far more than most people would do!

pattihews · 20/02/2023 09:28

There's clearly more to this than the OP is making out. I have a business and so does my partner and we're both selling up to retire and it would never occur to us to be giving money to our siblings. And if we did, it would come as a surprise to them when it landed in their account, we wouldn't be dangling it in front of them in advance.

So what is it, OP? Did you inherit the family business from your parents on the proviso that you shared profits with siblings? Was it the family farm — with the expectation that your siblings would benefit too if you gave it up? There has to be some binding legal or contractual or inheritance issue to require you to share the proceeds with family. Otherwise you could just say you've changed your mind, no one's getting a penny and have done with it.

RudsyFarmer · 20/02/2023 09:30

Woah she is unhinged! If you can do anything with that cash right now I’d use it to buy a SHL and makes sure she gets what she’s owed and NOTHING more.

starfishmummy · 20/02/2023 09:31

Assuming that the business was entirely yours and your brother didn't have a stake in it, then yanbu.

If he owns a percentage and you are going to give him the money after the divorce to keep it out of her hands then that's a different matter.

ArrrMeHearties · 20/02/2023 09:33

Wait to give any money once the divorce is done

Amaury · 20/02/2023 09:34

pattihews · 20/02/2023 09:28

There's clearly more to this than the OP is making out. I have a business and so does my partner and we're both selling up to retire and it would never occur to us to be giving money to our siblings. And if we did, it would come as a surprise to them when it landed in their account, we wouldn't be dangling it in front of them in advance.

So what is it, OP? Did you inherit the family business from your parents on the proviso that you shared profits with siblings? Was it the family farm — with the expectation that your siblings would benefit too if you gave it up? There has to be some binding legal or contractual or inheritance issue to require you to share the proceeds with family. Otherwise you could just say you've changed your mind, no one's getting a penny and have done with it.

Good point.

I think this will end up as a tabloid article about how awful and grabby women can be

SmudgeButt · 20/02/2023 09:38

Sounds a bit like my ExSiL!!

Remind her that you're not the one in the broken relationship so you don't owe her diddly. I'd be tempted to add something about "if you continue to post your unfounded libelous (is that the right term?) accusations I shall be contacting my solicitor".

IndiaDreamer · 20/02/2023 09:39

Get rid of her off facebook and keep your money to yourself. CF she is!

MissMarplesbag · 20/02/2023 09:40

Use the money to pay off your siblings debts and nothing more at least it won't end up in the wrong hands then.

ChickenDhansak82 · 20/02/2023 09:41

Just speak to your brother and agree that you have "changed your mind" about the money and will be re-investing it in a new business. Make it clear that you are saying this as otherwise his ex will fleece him for lots of money.

Respond to your SIL saying you have sold your business and were contemplating asking your siblings if they wanted to be part of a new business venture, but you are not sure where she got the idea of you just giving them money from.

Takingthepiss · 20/02/2023 09:42

She’s a cheeky fucker but it’s not the worst I’ve heard from a divorcing couple. One woman I know is really taking the piss

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