Soon to be ExSIL accusing me of financial abuse!

[WhatsTheGistPhysicist]

DB and SIL are divorcing due to SIL having an affair and leaving for another man. The other man has since ended things as the reality of living with 3 children (SIL’s from a previous relationship) was too much for him apparently.

While this has been going on, I sold my business and planned to give my siblings a monetary gift however have been advised to wait until after my brother’s divorce otherwise it could possibly be classed as a marital asset.

SIL has since got wind of this and has been sending demanding solicitor letters wanting to know exact amounts, payment dates etc. The latest letter contains bank details so I can pay SIL “her 50% directly to expedite the process”. I have obviously ignored all letters.

Yesterday, SIL posted a long rant on FB claiming that I am being financial abusive
to her - a single mother with 3 kids to support - and that I am trying to swindle her out of what is rightly hers! So many of the comments were saying that I was being vindictive, punishing her children, forcing her and the kids into poverty, how could I sleep at night etc. She also blamed me for my DB “leaving her high and dry” as I’ve apparently poisoned him against trying to repair the relationship.

I absolutely don’t think I’m being unreasonable by ensuring she doesn’t get a single penny of my money however I’d really like some reassurance as the comments on FB were unanimous that I was wrong!

She sounds crazy.
I definitely would not reply or comment to her in anyway.
I would consider arranging for a solicitor to contact hers , laying out the facts that you have no intention of gifting anything your finances have nothing to do with her and her Divorce.
As others have said any financial gift you might of offered you other sibling does not automatically mean all siblings will receive a gift.

None of that explains why she might think the money is rightfully hers and you do seem to be dodging some questions. Any chance one of the 'investors' could be wondering why she isn't getting a share?

What's the saying? No good deed goes unpunished. You're doing a lovely thing and SIL is just being a grabby greedy old boot.

For peace of mind I'd get some legal advice - if nothing else, as something to wave in her face if she carries on with her nonsense - to confirm that the money, or promise thereof, is not a marital asset and she has no claim on it. Ultimately it's a gift, not an obligation with a due date that you're playing fast and loose with to ensure it's paid after the divorce, and you could choose to pay it later or not pay it at all.

Or tell her the payment has been made and it's £5. Send her a £2.50 postal order

None of that explains why she might think the money is rightfully hers and you do seem to be dodging some questions. Any chance one of the 'investors' could be wondering why she isn't getting a share?

Do you think the SIL wouldn't have included that in her FB rant? It's clear that she knows her STB-ex husband is coming into money. If the money arrived while they are still married she has a claim on it, if it arrives after the divorce she does not have a claim on it. She knows payment is being delayed for precisely that reason so has convinced herself she's being cheated out of what she's due, which clearly isn't true. You've only got to look at some threads on here to see the mental gymnastics some people are capable of to convince themselves something is their 'right'.

Op’s money has nothing to do with the divorce settlement. She had no financial ties to the ex sil or her children.
Many people after divorce receive financial help from family to start over. Should they all be giving a chunk of cash to the ex spouse as well ?
Or is it just because the OP has worked her butt off and is financially stable and wants to help her family.

I cannot see how the OP is dodging any questions at all. What are you referring to?

I don't think she's got a leg to stand on, to say the least. It sounds like you were planning to give a gift to each sibling (happens to be money), and you're now waiting until the divorce is through to give it to this brother. Naturally she isn't included because the gift was for your sibling/s, so the only way she would have benefited is if her husband (soon to be ex-husband) had decided to share the money with her or otherwise use it for her benefit, right?

WTF !

You should be ashamed of yourself along with pattihews.

The OP has a life limiting illness hence wanting to gift to siblings while she is alive.

FFS

Sorry seriouslyLTB my reply was supposed to be to ShakespearesBlister not you. Many apologies

She's a lying, selfish, entitled cheat.

Ignore her. Block on social media and everything else. Your DB needs to make sure his children avoid her (assuming DN is his, not theirs?).

She will soon move onto another new man. Just hope it's not back with your DB.

Thanks - all good, I assumed (and absolutely agree!)😉

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Block her and ignore her. Wait until the divorce is final and then give him the money.

What a lovely thing for you to do.

Ignore her and block her. Silence is very powerful.

Who cares what her friends think? Your friends and family know you.

It is your money to do as you please!

If she hadn't had an affair and if the OM hadn't dropped her she wouldn't be where she is. But she is and it is nothing to do with you. She sounds unhinged.

I think you should get some legal advice here, or maybe your brother could get some advice through his divorce solicitor? I'm not sure what the legal position is here, and how this money or potential money would affect things. If it could be taken into account as a marital asset , would you put it in trust for her children ?
She is disgusting though, trying to extract this money from you when you have a life limiting illness. Definitely block her on Facebook and anything else. She should be ashamed of herself. Her own friends will always back her so ignore what they think.

What questions am I dodging? Please tell me and I will answer them.

Just to be crystal clear in case my previous post wasn’t, I started my own business from scratch and along the way, I received investments from two professional angel investors - neither was known to me before I was looking for investment in a professional capacity. When the business sold, my investors received their shares - that’s it, end of story, no more to tell. My DB, SIL or any other family member for that matter, have in no way been involved with my business.

This thread is not about whether SIL has any legal rights to my money, I know she doesn’t and I have already sought legal advice about what would happen regarding any gifts made to my DB (and other siblings) in terms of his divorce - the legal side is all in hand and I know exactly what to do and what not to do to ensure any gift is protected.

SIL herself knows she’s not legally entitled to anything but feels hard done by as my DB will eventually benefit and she will not.

SIL left DB BEFORE my business actually sold, at that point there was no thought in my head about giving anything to anyone (don’t count your chickens and all that). By the time I even thought about helping my siblings, the divorce was already underway so from my point of view, SIL is morally not entitled to any gift I choose to give my DB which is why I’m doing what I need to do legally to protect him. SIL feels differently though because the intention to help my siblings entered my head while she is still technically married to my brother so she thinks she has a moral right - that’s what this thread is about.

@WhatsTheGistPhysicist please ignore the whiny goading from @ShakespearesBlister

💐@WhatsTheGistPhysicist You sound like a lovely, caring person, and I am so sorry that you are not going to be able to enjoy the fruits of your own labours into old age. What you are proposing to do for your siblings is so kind.

Please do yourself a favour and get some cast iron legal advice on how to handle this, both for you and your DB. You sound like you have enough on your plate with your illness without having to worry about your ex SIL's disgusting and grabby behaviour. Don't let this taint your plans with worry and doubt, or spoil your relationships with your siblings. Please do help out your other sibling if you want to - there's no court in the land that will force you to make an equivalent gift to your DB going through the divorce. If he has half as much integrity as you do, he will know the reasons why you can't/won't gift him anything until his divorce is settled, and there's no prospect of his ex making a claim on it.

If you do like your DB's step-children, and would like to help them financially without risking the mother's involvement, look into getting a trust set up for them for when they reach adulthood. Make sure the appointed trustees are people you would trust to make the right decisions by the children, not decisions that benefit their own agendas.

Cont. OP you are doing a generous thing and the spiteful detractors are simply doing what they do best. Sticking up for a cheating entitled greedy woman because their interpretation of 'sisterhood' demands it and anyone who disagrees has to explain themselves.

its entirely your choice who, when and how you give someone money

why are you still looking at her fb?

send him a cheque now for his share.............. of £50.

shes a cheeky freeloading mare!! If you owed THEM money then yes i would 100% understand her waiting. But it isnt - it is your money!! mental!

Thank you to all the lovely posters on here who have offered support and advice.

I have already received legal advice so that’s all in hand, the only thing that has made me think twice is the children as they really are cracking kids; I will leave it to DB though to decide if he’d like to set something up for them in the future once the dust settles.

I’ve taken all your advice and have come off FB completely, I definitely don’t need the drama. I’m normally made of sterner stuff but being accused of financial abuse and the emotive language around the children really threw me as I’ve been in abusive relationships in the past.

I can also see in hindsight that I probably shouldn’t have said anything to any of my siblings but some of them were really on the verge of making some big decisions and it didn’t feel right to not tell them - not sure what the solution to that one would have been. Maybe I should have stressed that they shouldn’t tell their children although to be honest it didn’t even cross my mind that they would as they’re all still babies to me!

SIL feels differently though because the intention to help my siblings entered my head while she is still technically married to my brother so she thinks she has a moral right - that’s what this thread is about.

Well, SIL can jog on. She's wrong in her thinking that a gift the giver thought about during the period of her marriage somehow makes it a marital asset (morally or otherwise), and she's wrong to splatter her idiocy and entitlement over social media.

Bet your DB is glad to be shot of her!

I don't like this soon to be SIL thought process. So she knows that you're ill and wants her share of your money as brother and her are getting divorced. What a caring bitch.

Ring-fence as much as you can and do not release anything to your brother for now except as cash, until she's out off the field. Seek legal advice as well as I'm only a person on the Internet.

Sorry you're going through this whilst ill

OP you sound lovely and kind, try to ignore the online comments they'll portray only your SiL's version of events to people who are her friends and family.

I'm a step parent and going back quite a few years my step child's mum wrote horrendous half truths online about both me and my husband on Facebook, she naturally had support because of the story she was putting out there and to those she was telling it to. It hurts but those who know you, your family, your friends, they know the truth. Block your SiL and ask others not to pass information back to you. Rubbish situation for the children especially with her blocking your brother and family from having a relationship with them but that's on the mother especially if your brother has tried to continue seeing them.

Block her from all social media. You shouldn't be reading her toxic posts. You do you from now on and who cares what SIL who cheated on your brother says or stops saying.