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AIBU?

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Original poster

Soon to be ExSIL accusing me of financial abuse!

245 replies

WhatsTheGistPhysicist · 20/02/2023 02:44

DB and SIL are divorcing due to SIL having an affair and leaving for another man. The other man has since ended things as the reality of living with 3 children (SIL’s from a previous relationship) was too much for him apparently.

While this has been going on, I sold my business and planned to give my siblings a monetary gift however have been advised to wait until after my brother’s divorce otherwise it could possibly be classed as a marital asset.

SIL has since got wind of this and has been sending demanding solicitor letters wanting to know exact amounts, payment dates etc. The latest letter contains bank details so I can pay SIL “her 50% directly to expedite the process”. I have obviously ignored all letters.

Yesterday, SIL posted a long rant on FB claiming that I am being financial abusive
to her - a single mother with 3 kids to support - and that I am trying to swindle her out of what is rightly hers! So many of the comments were saying that I was being vindictive, punishing her children, forcing her and the kids into poverty, how could I sleep at night etc. She also blamed me for my DB “leaving her high and dry” as I’ve apparently poisoned him against trying to repair the relationship.

I absolutely don’t think I’m being unreasonable by ensuring she doesn’t get a single penny of my money however I’d really like some reassurance as the comments on FB were unanimous that I was wrong!

OP posts:
Trez1510 · 20/02/2023 06:22

Forgot to ask also - would a genuine solicitor contact OP directly, rather than via the brother's solicitor?

I'm not trying to be goady, or question OP's version of events, I'm genuinely curious?

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 20/02/2023 06:23

Ignore and block.

She has no right to demand any money from you.

Sounds like your DB made a right choice in divorcing her.

Hence · 20/02/2023 06:26

Where does it say she is a working class chav? Middle class people can also be grabby cheeky fuckers too you know? The classism on Mumsnet is mental recently. The STBX sil seems like a nasty cow and I wouldn't give her anything either but no need to make up she is a "chav" when she could be as middle classed as the rest of you.

Hence · 20/02/2023 06:27

Oh I see... it is because she is a single mum you all have labelled her a chav. Classy as usual Mumsnet.

MichelleScarn · 20/02/2023 06:28

She sounds batshit. It's still your money to do with what you want! Sounds like she and her friends are the type of people who post fb marketplace when an item is posted for free pick up. 'Mine, bring to me today, and any thing else you got going' and then screech you are making their kids go without when you don't! (As per recent thread here! 😆)

Forestwalks · 20/02/2023 06:30

what proof does she have that you will be giving your brother any money? Surely a solicitor wouldn’t be able to try and chase money just by word of mouth and that she would need proof that you intend to give money to him.

I would either ignore all the letters and let her get on with it or see someone yourself about the harassment she is causing.

Its sad for her children but they are not your responsibility, she has brought this on herself by having an affair in the first place. You owe her nothing.

Can2022getanyworse · 20/02/2023 06:36

How long were they married op?

The starting point is not always 50/50,especially in a short marriage, but is complicated in your db's case as there are kids involved, even though they're not his.

Do not give a penny of your money to any of your siblings until way after the divorce and financials are concluded Your stbx sil is a grabby fucker.

Shoxfordian · 20/02/2023 06:39

I would ignore her as well; block her on social media so it doesn’t wind you up anymore and tell your brother about it

FrippEnos · 20/02/2023 06:52

YANBU.

If I were you I would look into the legalities of giving your DB money after the divorce as I am fairly sure that it can have a knock on effect with regard to his financial settlement and clean break.

As it may also give her a way back into his finances after the divorce is done. As she can prove that you were always going to give him the money.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 20/02/2023 07:05

You have to deny you ever said this OP.

GiltEdges · 20/02/2023 07:08

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 20/02/2023 07:05

You have to deny you ever said this OP.

No she doesn’t. OP’s money is not a marital asset of her DB and SIL. She can do with it as she pleases. She hasn’t gifted it yet so for the purpose of their divorce it’s absolutely irrelevant.

Eddielizzard · 20/02/2023 07:11

What a grabby CF! I would block. Don't engage. She doesn't have a leg to stand on. She has no claim over your money.

LadyMinerva · 20/02/2023 07:41

Hence · 20/02/2023 06:27

Oh I see... it is because she is a single mum you all have labelled her a chav. Classy as usual Mumsnet.

No one said she is a chav because she is a single mum, she is simply behaving like a chav. You've jumped to your own conclusion there.

I'm a single mum and think she is chavvy AF.

Genevieva · 20/02/2023 07:48

Write back to the solicitor saying that she has clearly go the wrong end of the stick and there is no such information to share with her. You find her demands for your money and her rants on social media bizarre, aggressive and defamatory. Inform them that you will go to the police and get an injunction against her if she continues.

FlamingoQueen · 20/02/2023 07:52

Take screenshots of what she wrote on Facebook. Don’t give her a single penny!

TheJugs · 20/02/2023 07:53

Why on earth does she know about this money? To put it to bed I would confirm I have given my £100 that I was planning on giving, and let her fight for the £50 from your brother. CF.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 20/02/2023 07:53

If your ex sil and her stupid friends aren't intelligent enough, or are stupid enough not to realise that there's two sides to every story and that she's being a money grabbing cow they aren't worth your worries or thoughts. Block her on everything and ignore her

Emmamoo89 · 20/02/2023 07:54

Yanbu x

LimeCheesecake · 20/02/2023 08:01

I’d be itching to comment something on her post like “you seem to be confused - your soon to be ex didn’t own a share of my company so isn’t entitled to any of the profits from the sale. I think there has been an assumption I’d make financial gifts to family members, but I’ve not decided anything yet. I’ve been pretty shocked how grabby some people have got over my money.”

piefacedClique · 20/02/2023 08:02

The sensible side would absolutely wait until after the divorce was finalised for all siblings because you are absolutely not being unreasonable... the bitch in me would post this in response! 🫣😳😬

Sugargliderwombat · 20/02/2023 08:02

Why are you friends with her on Facebook? She is posting so you see it, block her and problem solved.

Blanca87 · 20/02/2023 08:02

What’s with the classist slurs? Of course the SIL is unreasonable and a cheeky cheat but why call her a chav.

babyboybabygirl · 20/02/2023 08:03

Of course you’re not being unreasonable.

your brother needs a solid “clean break” divorce though that means she can’t try to claim any of the money at a later stage

MisgenderedSwan · 20/02/2023 08:04

Be careful - I would state loudly that you have decided not to give any of the siblings a gift after all then wait until the divorce is finalised to start talking about it. What you're suggesting could be seen as wilful deprivation of assets and could go against your db in the settlement. Maybe take some advice from a financial planner?

CryInToYourCornflakesNicola · 20/02/2023 08:04

Trez1510 · 20/02/2023 06:22

Forgot to ask also - would a genuine solicitor contact OP directly, rather than via the brother's solicitor?

I'm not trying to be goady, or question OP's version of events, I'm genuinely curious?

Any solicitor will write any letter you ask, for a fee.

I could send you a letter via solicitor if I paid, it could include my bank details if I wanted. It doesnt mean you have to reply or do what I ask in the letter.

Solicitors have no power, they cant make you do anything like give your own money away.