Soon to be ExSIL accusing me of financial abuse!

[WhatsTheGistPhysicist]

DB and SIL are divorcing due to SIL having an affair and leaving for another man. The other man has since ended things as the reality of living with 3 children (SIL’s from a previous relationship) was too much for him apparently.

While this has been going on, I sold my business and planned to give my siblings a monetary gift however have been advised to wait until after my brother’s divorce otherwise it could possibly be classed as a marital asset.

SIL has since got wind of this and has been sending demanding solicitor letters wanting to know exact amounts, payment dates etc. The latest letter contains bank details so I can pay SIL “her 50% directly to expedite the process”. I have obviously ignored all letters.

Yesterday, SIL posted a long rant on FB claiming that I am being financial abusive
to her - a single mother with 3 kids to support - and that I am trying to swindle her out of what is rightly hers! So many of the comments were saying that I was being vindictive, punishing her children, forcing her and the kids into poverty, how could I sleep at night etc. She also blamed me for my DB “leaving her high and dry” as I’ve apparently poisoned him against trying to repair the relationship.

I absolutely don’t think I’m being unreasonable by ensuring she doesn’t get a single penny of my money however I’d really like some reassurance as the comments on FB were unanimous that I was wrong!

Send her 50p and half a Curly Whirly and tell her to Foxtrot Oscar! x

I don’t know about opportunistic, I was thinking more along the lines of deluded!!! On what planet does she think she is even vaguely entitled to any money from you????? Her total lack of tact and class are breathtaking!!!!!

Even after your brothers divorce he has to do a clean break order as his ex can claim any money / assets years after the divorce.

What if it's offered as a loan ?

That isn’t true. My solicitor took great pains to impress on me that there was no going back after the decree absolute was granted.

This money isn't coming unless OP chooses for it to come. It is a gift. OP can choose not to make any gift at all.

youre doing something incredibly kind which you don’t even have to do- it’s your money!
Ex SILs can be funny things.. not the same I know but my fiancé passed away a couple of weeks before our wedding and my god his sister was a nightmare. She wanted money from me.. she put lots of posts about me on fb. Rang up all of my late fiancés friends, colleagues and family telling absolutely lies about me.. and wanted money from the wedding that never happened. I could go on forever with what she did.
the Facebook stuff used to really get to me as she’d put horrendous videos on there saying how horrible I was and that I’ve flirted with my fiancés cousins (obviously I never would!) my main advice is to block her on fb… don’t respond to anything. My counsellor always says to me no response is a response. Let people make up their minds and if they agree with her then let them because I’m guessing these are not your friends. I know it’s hard but you need to just think that you know the truth. You don’t need to see these vile posts of fb so definitely block her. maybe even deactivate fb whilst this is going on.

she sounds awful. I’m glad your brother is getting away from her!

It’s your money, I wouldn’t give any siblings any of it and instead buy them a gift of a holiday, or something she can’t claim….. but your brother a car but have it in your name so she can’t claim it’s a marital asset!….
I would respond to the solicitor and simply say that YOUR money is not a marital asset since she is not married to you !! And that you’ve simply changed your mind and will not be gifting any lump sum to your brother in the near future! There is simply nothing she can do !!
HER children are not your concern, she is not your concern, at the end of the day SHE has brought everything on herself when SHE decided to open her legs for someone that wasn’t her husband.!! Why should you loose sleep over not funding her lifestyle?! I wouldn’t!!
in fact if I ever found myself extremely wealthy I would not ‘gift’ a penny to my siblings….. (for this very reason) and instead I would buy them a house to live in rent free (but it would be in my name!)… I would pay for their holidays and all that sort of thing, but I would never buy them something that could in this situation be ‘taken’ from my sibling by a greedy ex!
I would block her and have nothing else to
do with her. Your brother needs to get his financial order filled out and in it state that once current assets are split all future inheritance, gifts, financial gifts etc can not be claimed.
she’s a CF!!!

It absolutely is true… I’m currently divorcing and I’ve been told categorically that without a clean break order and financial statement my husband can come for me in 10/20 years time and ask for half or anything I have!
we’ve been told the decree absolute divorces us, not our finances

That isn’t true. My solicitor took great pains to impress on me that there was no going back after the decree absolute was granted

A financial order is required upon divorcing to avoid an ex spouse making a claim on your future earnings, lottery win, inheritance.

Yes, it's true. I suggest you have a look if you have divorced without one.

I would comment on Facebook and say ‘that’s what happens when you have an affair and then get dumped’

Ex partners are still financially linked unless there is a legal ‘clean financial break’ order in place as part of the divorce. If there isn’t one, either party can make a financial claim on the other, even years later. It could affect things like pensions, inheritances, cash gifts etc.

@Lolaiscute I'm so sorry for your devastating loss and then not only having to unpick wedding arrangements and sadly make funeral arrangements but deal with nightmare in-law as well. I hope things are better for you now..🌻

It sounds as if your brother is well out of it. As you have already decided, wait before you gift him any money, to ensure his (ex) wife cannot get her grasping mitts on it. If you want to do anything for her children, you could make them beneficiaries of your will so they get an amount when they are 18 or 21.

To take that even farther, I'd wait at least a few months post divorce before you gift any sibs money. Let it "get back to the soon-to-be-ex SIL" that you have decided not to give out any "gifts" at this time.

She owes the soon-to-be-ex-cheater SIL absolutely nothing. Nada. Nil. Zip.
They weren't even married for five years. At this point the soon-to-be-ex-cheater SIL looks like a money grubber. She thought she would have a better life with the man she cheated with, but surprise, he didn't want her for the long haul. I can't say I blame him, she'd probably cheat on him too.

Just because the OP has money and wants to share, it's HER right to decide who gets to share it and who does not. She owes nothing to the cheater and I think it's nice that her DB will be blessed after he divorces the cheating harridan.

Without a clean financial break order alongside the decree absolute, she absolutely can claim 50% of anything the OP gifts to her brother.

@DotAndCarryOne2
"Without a clean financial break order alongside the decree absolute, she absolutely can claim 50% of anything the OP gifts to her brother."

The OP hasn't gifted anything yet. The SIL wants her half of a gift that hasn't even been decided yet, ergo she's entitled to nothing and is a complete fruit loop for insisting she is.

Yes, I understand that. It doesn’t change the fact that if and when the OP does make the gift, without a clean financial break in place, SIL can claim a share of it. She can claim against inheritances, lottery wins, and her ex’s pension years into the future without a CFB in place.

Any update on this OP?