Page 7 | To be so angry with my 19 year old son

2bazookas · 19/02/2023 12:21

Are you quite sure he's given you the true story? If he was good at the job, he'd be missed, and the employer would keep him on until they can get a replacement.

It sounds to me as if his review was so poor he was dismissed on the spot.

Liz1tummypain · 19/02/2023 12:45

Well they have to make mistakes for themselves. I get where you're coming from though OP. I hope he finds something suitable without too long a wait. All the best.

SueG60 · 19/02/2023 12:51

relamped · 19/02/2023 08:13

@SueG60

To get rid of someone who's been there longer you need to either make them redundant (meaning you can't hire anyone else for the same role within a certain time period - totally impractical for most medium to large companies if not genuinely making redundancies) or you need to follow an official HR process like a performance improvement plan to show that the employee isn't up to doing the job and needs to be replaced.

Where on earth have you got your information from? You can be dismissed any time, from any job for conduct, capability, redundancy, a legal reason or "some other substantial reason".

However, if you have less than 2 years service you usually only have the right to go to employment tribunal for unfair dismissal if your dismissal was automatically unfair or discriminatory. This doesn't mean it's legal for employers to fire you for any reason before 2 years service.

Thats basically what I said? To get rid of you after 2 years they need to fulfil criteria for redundancy or prove you don't have the capability to do the job. You can add on gross misconduct but I didn't write that as it doesn't seem relevant as this person hasn't done anything wrong.

Its very difficult to get rid of people after 2 years of employment, most of the time it would be by mutual consent with the employee getting paid off.

This person hasn't finished their probation, sounds like they were being signed off on it and then they've turned round and said they don't really want to work there. Perfectly lawful for the employer to withdraw the offer in that case.

LakieLady · 19/02/2023 13:06

He hasn't actually done anything wrong OP - unwise, maybe, but he wasn't to know how they'd react. I've let managers know that I've applied for other jobs a few times in my 50 year working life, and I've never been fired for it. I got a regrading out of it once.

I think you're being a bit harsh on him, tbh, and to be "so angry" you had to go out is a bit over the top. There are so many companies desperate for staff at the moment that he'll easily be able to find something else.

LakieLady · 19/02/2023 13:18

Dibbydoos · 19/02/2023 08:12

Was anyone else ever 19yo and made a mistake? Good for him to be honest, shame the employer didn't suss out why he wanted to leave and put that right.
Negative thinking which results in bad msnagement causes loads of good employees to leave work, support your son. There's a reason he didn't want to stay there.

I think a thread of "mistakes I made between the ages of 18 & 20" might bring out some much bigger mistakes than the one the OP's son made!

katepilar · 19/02/2023 13:42

Lovelycupofcoffee · 19/02/2023 00:13

just to clarify I was upset as before he got this job he was in a really bad place with his mental health. Passing his driving test and starting work really helped him a lot so obviously I don’t want him to go through that again . He has interviews lined up apparently so I’m sure it will all be ok .

Ok, so you are not really angry, are you. You are scared that this will lead him back into the dark places. Thats ok so be worried for your child.

Did you have a think or a talk with him as to why he told them that?

relamped · 19/02/2023 13:47

SueG60 · 19/02/2023 12:51

Thats basically what I said? To get rid of you after 2 years they need to fulfil criteria for redundancy or prove you don't have the capability to do the job. You can add on gross misconduct but I didn't write that as it doesn't seem relevant as this person hasn't done anything wrong.

Its very difficult to get rid of people after 2 years of employment, most of the time it would be by mutual consent with the employee getting paid off.

This person hasn't finished their probation, sounds like they were being signed off on it and then they've turned round and said they don't really want to work there. Perfectly lawful for the employer to withdraw the offer in that case.

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What you say about being difficult to dismiss someone after 2 years is untrue. It's the same processes and legality for any amount of time. I note that you've ignored the 3 other reasons that someone can be dismissed for - including "some other substantial reason"

PinkFrogss · 19/02/2023 14:02

relamped · 19/02/2023 13:47

What you say about being difficult to dismiss someone after 2 years is untrue. It's the same processes and legality for any amount of time. I note that you've ignored the 3 other reasons that someone can be dismissed for - including "some other substantial reason"

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Well yes, emphasis on substantial. Without two years service you can be dismissed for an insubstantial reason

Original poster

Lovelycupofcoffee · 19/02/2023 16:57

@katepilar yes really worried as it was not a good year and seeing your child go through that is awful . It sounds like he has lots of interviews lined up though so I’m sure it will all be ok. I knew he wasn’t keen on working weekends and was looking for other options. But he had decided to stay there until he found something else.

OP posts:

RandomisedRebel · 19/02/2023 17:12

I wouldn't be angry with him, I'd be upset for him. He's obviously just getting himself on track, I imagine this has shocked and upset him too. He's 19,he ballsed up. We all do it. Hope he gets a new job soon, one he enjoys and one who won't treat him like this!

Greenfairydust · 19/02/2023 17:27

I think there are two sides to this:

yes, he should never have told his employer that he was job-hunting

But

it is abysmal for a company to sack him over this. If he was a good employee, any decent manager would have asked why he was unhappy/thinking about leaving and tried to explore opportunities for further development.

Frankly it sounds like this was a rubbish company and he was unhappy there. I can understand your son not wanting to get stuck in a dead-end job with a shitty employer.

Your son is 19 and new to the workplace. Instead of being angry use this to advise him to try to find a job which is a better fit and will motivate him more and advise him to be more restrained and clever next time.

It is not the end of the world frankly at that age. Everyone makes mistakes.

relamped · 19/02/2023 18:59

PinkFrogss · 19/02/2023 14:02

Well yes, emphasis on substantial. Without two years service you can be dismissed for an insubstantial reason

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No, you can't. The parameters for fair dismissal are from day one. You would still be breaking the law before 2 years service, its just unlikely (but not impossible) that the case would be allowed to progress to employment tribunal. Please stop spreading incorrect information about employment rights.

macaronicheese123 · 19/02/2023 19:14

@Lovelycupofcoffee I think he’s done the right thing! ‘Good Money’ is a trap. I hate working nights/christmas/weekends and the good money has stopped me from going, 13 years i’m still there. Does he still live at home? 19 is young! I’m sure he’ll work it out.

PinkFrogss · 19/02/2023 19:28

relamped · 19/02/2023 18:59

No, you can't. The parameters for fair dismissal are from day one. You would still be breaking the law before 2 years service, its just unlikely (but not impossible) that the case would be allowed to progress to employment tribunal. Please stop spreading incorrect information about employment rights.

Show quote history

You might want to tell CAB and ACAS to update their help pages then. Anyway none of this is relevant to the OP as there’s nothing to suggest her son has been unfairly dismissed or has any legal recourse against his dismissal.

I’m sure he’ll find a new job soon enough and this will be a job he hardly remembers. He obviously want happy there so hopefully this is the push he needs to get a role more suited to him

MourningTea · 19/02/2023 21:31

I would do your best to support your son over this, especially with his previous mental health issues.
Yes it was naive to tell them, but he has learned a valuable lesson and likely won't do it again.
Hopefully his next job will be a better fit for him.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/02/2023 21:50

@relamped please stop pontificating the law when you absolutely do not know what you are talking about. A very quick google will tell you you’re wrong.

Nigglenaggle · 19/02/2023 21:57

Well it's a bit naive but I'm sure in today's labour market he'll get another job. You live and you learn.

YABVU to be mad - he's 19 years old, let it go! Time for him to make his own way in the world. It's fine to offer advice, but he's not your property. His life to wreck in the way he sees fit!

MamskiBell · 19/02/2023 23:55

You talk in Civil Service speak!

Aly1977 · 20/02/2023 17:40

Looks like his going to learn a very valuable life lesson x

Atsocta · 20/02/2023 17:44

Oh my he should have kept quite, what on earth made him say that
silly lad ..

Silvers11 · 20/02/2023 17:50

@Lovelycupofcoffee To be honest - it seems more likely that they told him at his review that he wasn't a good fit/up to the job or whatever and they were terminating his employment? And he doesn't want to confess that to you?

Are you sure he has told you the truth?

csigeek · 20/02/2023 17:55

Did he hand his notice in or did they terminate him because he said he was looking for another job? Was it an end of probationary review? Did they cite any legitimate reasons to terminate him, either failing probation or otherwise? Other than he said he was looking for another job, which is not a legitimate reason to terminate.

321user123 · 20/02/2023 17:56

I think you’re being unreasonable although it’s coming from a good place.
your son is a legal adult. This is his life.

He does mistakes and learns. Hopefully he learned that you keep your mouth shut in the real world until you have your ducks in a row.

If he can’t find a good job in the 2wk wait then can look at an Amazon Flex or mc Donald’s shifts or JSA (or whatever it’s called now).

Becgoz7 · 20/02/2023 18:04

Lovelycupofcoffee · 18/02/2023 23:47

So my son has announced today that he had his review at work and told them he’s looking for other jobs . They said they were happy to keep him employed full time but after this news he’s being let go . Surely (and in my employment experience) you get another job first . He was earning good money in this job . I know he wasn’t keen on working weekends but giving up a job that pays good money without another job to go to just seems like utter madness. I was so angry this morning I had to go out for a few hours .

He's young. He will get another job. I wouldn't be angry

Clarabell77 · 20/02/2023 18:17

How long had he worked there?

Saying you’re looking elsewhere isn’t really a good reason for dismissal.