Page 3 | To be so angry with my 19 year old son

Lovelycupofcoffee · 2023-02-18T23:47:25+00:00

So my son has announced today that he had his review at work and told them he’s looking for other jobs . They said they were happy to keep him employed full time but after this news he’s being let go . Surely (and in my employment experience) you get another job first . He was earning good money in this job . I know he wasn’t keen on working weekends but giving up a job that pays good money without another job to go to just seems like utter madness. I was so angry this morning I had to go out for a few hours .

MathsIsFab · 19/02/2023 03:16

Oh bless him, instead of working with him to see how to make that relationship better , they actually sacked him?

no wonder he wanted to leave, mainly for his mental health , God knows how shit his days were there

see past your frustration , discuss what made him unhappy in that workplace , help him perhaps look for something with better ethics, culture; he needs your experience not your disappointment

Onnabugeisha · 19/02/2023 03:59

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 19/02/2023 00:13

As an aside - and I’m certainly not a champion of Gen Z attitudes (in fact they mostly piss me off in the workplace, I find them wake-willed, rude and entitled) - I think the sneering about young people’s attitudes to work may be coming from a place that is quite dated.

As annoying as they can be, they have their pick of well paid jobs, they know their worth and they aren’t afraid to ask for it. The attitudes gone by of simpering and sucking up to the boss aren’t the done thing with young people and given the rate at which they’re moving up the career ladder, maybe they have got it right and we shouldn’t be the ones sneering.

There is no we got to wrong, they’re getting it right. There is only a workers market vs an employers market. When I was 19 there were 100s applicants for every job and if you didn’t make yourself cheap and likeable, you’d have no job. Gen Z is just fucking lucky jobs are easy to come by.

Onnabugeisha · 19/02/2023 04:02

Lovelycupofcoffee · 19/02/2023 00:13

just to clarify I was upset as before he got this job he was in a really bad place with his mental health. Passing his driving test and starting work really helped him a lot so obviously I don’t want him to go through that again . He has interviews lined up apparently so I’m sure it will all be ok .

So a disabled person tells his employer that he’s looking for another job. Probably because he’s putting them down as a reference and doing them a courtesy.

They then say, they’re sacking him because of this? This sounds like discrimination to me. I bet they planned to let him go (for being disabled) and jumped on this as an excuse. I’d give ACAS a call. Whether they’ve broken the law or not, you should be angry with his employer, not him.

SeasonFinale · 19/02/2023 05:00

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 19/02/2023 00:10

Actually, they can’t.

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Why do you think they can't?

Anyone who has less than 2 years can be given notice.

SeasonFinale · 19/02/2023 05:05

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 19/02/2023 00:56

Businesses absolutely cannot let people go for ‘whatever reason they want’ for employees who’ve been there less than 2 years.

I assume the fact that you keep saying this must mean you are not in the UK? Anyone with less than 2 years can simply be given notice (either paid their notice or required to work it).

bert3400 · 19/02/2023 05:10

I think you need to keep your anger in perspective. Yes he messed up but that is what being a young adult is about . He probably feels way worse than you do. Don't be too hard on him - we all make mistakes. What's important is how he deals with it now, and it seems he is trying to secure another job pretty quickly. Maybe due to his previous MH issue a little support from his important people might be what he needs instead of you anger

kateandme · 19/02/2023 05:33

hes had mental health issues. gosh im hoping you didnt show what you have here towards him. i cant beleive with his age and what youve said hes suffered with your even mad at him.
maybe this is what he thinks has to be done in the work world.your looking for a job so you tell your work. we are all savvy now enough to no you never show your hand. but with a first job?he wasnt being just too kind and honest.pretty vindictive of his work then to sack him. gosh what happened to helping people up in the world.
be supportive. help him keep on track to find a new job and not now fester.
you bursting his bubble will only make him spiral again.
hes a wally.its never safe to quit before you have a new net under you. but...
nows the time for what can we do now then not why have you made this happen its your fault.

Stopsnowing · 19/02/2023 05:35

Has he understood where he went wrong? Does he understand that going forward he needs to try to see someone else’s point of view - not to be nice bit simply for strategic self preservation?

Naddd · 19/02/2023 05:40

THEbeautifuLIE · 19/02/2023 02:04

It’s mildly horrifying that a mother. . .a MOTHER would sound this vindictive & almost excited to see her child (hopefully) fail in his endeavors to (1.) work his final two weeks at his current job & (2.) attempt to secure even better employment.

I can’t imagine what this young man has encountered over the past decade+ after seeing this reaction.

Vindictive, excited?

Don't be so ridiculous.

Timesawastin · 19/02/2023 05:41

ThinWomansBrain · 18/02/2023 23:59

naïve
maybe someone brought him up thinking it was always right to be honest and tell the truth 🙄

Yes, let's find a woman to blame.

Timesawastin · 19/02/2023 05:48

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 19/02/2023 02:57

I agree, and it reminds me of exactly why I ran a mile leaving home at 18 and never so much as looked back. I could feel my mumMs silent willingness for me to fail.

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Both of you are projecting like IMAX and could do with some therapy before you make more insane accusations against a complete stranger.

PugInTheHouse · 19/02/2023 06:05

Was the review at end of his probationary period? If so then obviously the employer wouldn't keep him on if he said he wasn't planning on staying. Why would they?

I understand why you're annoyed. It was daft of him really. Hopefully he'll get something soon.

PugInTheHouse · 19/02/2023 06:07

Onnabugeisha · 19/02/2023 04:02

So a disabled person tells his employer that he’s looking for another job. Probably because he’s putting them down as a reference and doing them a courtesy.

They then say, they’re sacking him because of this? This sounds like discrimination to me. I bet they planned to let him go (for being disabled) and jumped on this as an excuse. I’d give ACAS a call. Whether they’ve broken the law or not, you should be angry with his employer, not him.

Show quote history

I can't find where the OP said he was disabled? The OP did say the employer was happy to keep him on but he told them he was looking elsewhere so they let him go.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 19/02/2023 06:47

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it quite normal to discuss applying for other jobs with your manager as you need them for a reference

LongRoadtoNowhere · 19/02/2023 06:50

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 19/02/2023 00:13

As an aside - and I’m certainly not a champion of Gen Z attitudes (in fact they mostly piss me off in the workplace, I find them wake-willed, rude and entitled) - I think the sneering about young people’s attitudes to work may be coming from a place that is quite dated.

As annoying as they can be, they have their pick of well paid jobs, they know their worth and they aren’t afraid to ask for it. The attitudes gone by of simpering and sucking up to the boss aren’t the done thing with young people and given the rate at which they’re moving up the career ladder, maybe they have got it right and we shouldn’t be the ones sneering.

What on earth is “wake-willed” ???

ArcticSkewer · 19/02/2023 06:51

SeasonFinale · 19/02/2023 05:05

I assume the fact that you keep saying this must mean you are not in the UK? Anyone with less than 2 years can simply be given notice (either paid their notice or required to work it).

Show quote history

No, this poster is reminding everyone that discrimination laws, for example, still apply. It is simply not true that employers can let people go 'for whatever reason they want' at any point, two days, two years, two decades.

LynetteScavo · 19/02/2023 07:01

Well if he was looking for other jobs, or at least open to admitting that he might be looking, he obviously wasn't very happy working there, and they weren't thrilled with him.

Employer: You're could apply yourself a bit more, blah, blah we expect x y and z of you.
19 yo: (feeling picked on) Yeah, well I'm looking for another job anyway.
Employer: Well, in that case it's best you move on.

He'll find another job, and hopefully it will be a better fit for him.

Original poster

Lovelycupofcoffee · 19/02/2023 07:04

@Onnabugeisha he’s not disabled but struggled with his mental health during Covid . So as mentioned getting the job and his car was such a game changer for him

OP posts:

Jifmicroliquid · 19/02/2023 07:07

He’s 19, he’s going to make daft decisions.
Hopefully he will learn from this.

Aprilx · 19/02/2023 07:07

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 19/02/2023 00:00

But it’s not even remotely a big deal - he will get another job, the market is very much in favour of employees at the moment.

But yes - perspective is crucial especially with teenagers!

Im shocked that people aren’t more horrified he’s been sacked for stating he’s looking for another job. Pretty sure that isn’t entirely legal.

Show quote history

It’s not horrifying. He’s 19 so I am going to presume he hasn’t been there for two years yet. His employer might be making an investment in him as a new entrant to the workforce and would rather spend that time and money on somebody more likely to stick around. It was a stupid thing for him to do and the employer was quite within their rights to make that decision.

Nevertheless, I think OP is over reacting with the being so angry she had to go out for a few hours. Maybe it would be better helping him to understand this life lesson and how employment works.

Original poster

Lovelycupofcoffee · 19/02/2023 07:08

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl I’m definitely not willing him to fail and he’s a very clever young man . He started a football team recently and is always on the lookout for new challenges. Yes we disagree sometimes as it’s just me and him but I’m always telling him he’s capable of great things and I’m amazingly proud that I’ve brought up such a ledgend. I

OP posts:

TiaI · 19/02/2023 07:17

its a life lesson for him! if the driving and the football stay in place hopefully he can weather this ok despite previous poor mental health.

Original poster

Lovelycupofcoffee · 19/02/2023 07:18

@THEbeautifuLIE as mentioned I just don’t want him going back to where he was a year ago as he was really not in a good place so I was more upset than angry in hindsight as he is like a different lad currently . As a single mum people will always judge your parenting skills but at least I know I’m always there for him .

OP posts:

borntobequiet · 19/02/2023 07:21

I suppose they might have asked him to go because he told them he was looking for other jobs. He may have simply failed his probation and been asked to leave, but doesn’t want to admit it. Perhaps he needs further support with his MH and coping in the workplace.

YouJustDoYou · 19/02/2023 07:22

That's IF that's what actually happened, or they simply weren't satisfied and told him thank you but they weren't retaining him, so he made up a story that painted him in a better light.