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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so angry with my 19 year old son

224 replies

Lovelycupofcoffee · 18/02/2023 23:47

So my son has announced today that he had his review at work and told them he’s looking for other jobs . They said they were happy to keep him employed full time but after this news he’s being let go . Surely (and in my employment experience) you get another job first . He was earning good money in this job . I know he wasn’t keen on working weekends but giving up a job that pays good money without another job to go to just seems like utter madness. I was so angry this morning I had to go out for a few hours .

OP posts:
Justmeandthedog1 · 19/02/2023 10:04

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 18/02/2023 23:55

He got sacked for saying he was job hunting? And it’s HIM you’re mad at?!

I don’t blame him for wanting to leave somewhere that will sack him simply for not wanting to stick around forever.

Also, some people’s 19yo’s Sri I too much, are on drugs, are violent or in prison. And you needed a few hours away because he wants to look for a new job?

Get a grip

This.
Depends how he said it, of course, but pretty crap of the employer.

psuedocream3 · 19/02/2023 10:10

Most employers would try to retain good employees as it is costly to replace them, it may be the case that his performance wasn't as great as he has indicated or they are just a bad employer. He will get a letter with the reasons theyare letting him go and what was discussed which may help shed more light on the matter but that is confidential so it's up to him whether he shares that with you.

Either way it's a life lesson an hopefully he finds a job that suits him better with a better employer, unfortunately there are too many employers that don't know how to treat staff.

JocelynBurnell · 19/02/2023 10:16

I would not be angry with him.

Yes, it was naive of him to do what he did, but it is a very understandable mistake for a nineteen year-old to make. After all, there are posters on this thread who are fully convinced that there are legal protections that simply aren't there.

I would chalk it down to a learning experience. I hope he gets another job. The economy may be faltering but there are still plenty of vacancies.

flabbygoldfish · 19/02/2023 10:16

Ah a bit of over confidence and naivety. tbf I have known adults do this.

I had a colleague who resigned quite quickly (did have another job to go to) but had second thoughts changed his mind the next day - he was told to stick it as well.

An employer will not want to keep someone who they know is looking leave unless they are exceptionally good and they want to change things to keep them.

Onnabugeisha · 19/02/2023 10:26

PugInTheHouse · 19/02/2023 06:07

I can't find where the OP said he was disabled? The OP did say the employer was happy to keep him on but he told them he was looking elsewhere so they let him go.

Show quote history

OP said he has had severe mental health issues ergo he’s most probably diagnosed with a mental health disability and therefore protected under the Equality Act.

Onnabugeisha · 19/02/2023 10:27

Lovelycupofcoffee · 19/02/2023 07:04

@Onnabugeisha he’s not disabled but struggled with his mental health during Covid . So as mentioned getting the job and his car was such a game changer for him

If he’s been diagnosed with any mental health condition, he has a protected disability.

JocelynBurnell · 19/02/2023 10:35

psuedocream3 · 19/02/2023 10:10

Most employers would try to retain good employees as it is costly to replace them, it may be the case that his performance wasn't as great as he has indicated or they are just a bad employer. He will get a letter with the reasons theyare letting him go and what was discussed which may help shed more light on the matter but that is confidential so it's up to him whether he shares that with you.

Either way it's a life lesson an hopefully he finds a job that suits him better with a better employer, unfortunately there are too many employers that don't know how to treat staff.

Quite a number of businesses want to reduce staff numbers in the coming months as the economy is shrinking and business is down quite a bit.

PinkFrogss · 19/02/2023 10:35

Onnabugeisha · 19/02/2023 10:26

OP said he has had severe mental health issues ergo he’s most probably diagnosed with a mental health disability and therefore protected under the Equality Act.

Show quote history

Taking what he has told OP, that he said he was looking for other jobs and was then dismissed, at face value it’s a massive reach to suggest he has been discriminated against for a disability. It’s possible his MH issues don’t even qualify as a disability under the EA2010, it’s not one of the automatic conditions.

Simply having a protected characteristic and being dismissed does not equal discrimination, as everyone has at least 3 protected characteristics.

The stress of going through the process for what will most likely be a ruling against him is not going to be worth the time or stress. He’ll also still need a reference from them.

Bwtter to accept he made a silly mistake which he now won’t make again, and move onwards and upwards.

Pastorswife · 19/02/2023 10:41

He’s learnt a valuable lesson. It’s important that he makes mistakes like this, so that he can learn how the world of employment really works. It’s also better that he makes mistakes with jobs, money etc. now, when the stakes are low and he doesn’t have a family to support.

I wouldn’t be mad at him, just disappointed. Encourage him as he searches for a new job and it would be good to debrief with him about what he learnt in this situation so that he doesn’t make the same mistake again.

itsgettingweird · 19/02/2023 10:42

Ah thanks Lynette that makes sense!

Cocobutt · 19/02/2023 10:58

YABU

My workplace know I’m looking for another job because they had to provide a reference.

They are of course a bit annoyed and they had big future plans for me which now can’t go ahead but they’re still kind to me and tell me that they don’t want me to leave etc, they don’t tell me they’re letting me go as they want to keep me for as long as possible.

It’s not him you should be mad at.

Why not ask him what sort of job he’s interested in/not interested in and help him look for something.

maddy68 · 19/02/2023 10:58

Why are you angry at him.?

It sounds as though he hasn't been sacked. If he was sacked he would have left immediately.

Has he given his notice and telling you otherwise?

Or
Has he been made redundant

Something isn't adding up for me (unless he was on a probation period )

Fenella123 · 19/02/2023 11:06

What a twit!
Oh well. I know I was a twit often at that age!

dutysuite · 19/02/2023 11:19

Lesson learned I suppose, I wouldn’t be furious but I’d expect him to be proactive in finding another job.

LaDamaDeElche · 19/02/2023 11:23

I used to quit jobs without a new job fairly frequently at that age. I always got another one fairly easily. I did grow out of it and started to be more responsible, so I’m sure he will too. When you’re 19 you don’t see the world the same way as older adults with more responsibilities.

CharlieRight · 19/02/2023 11:27

I don’t think it is a big deal. A lesson in life.

I am surprised at the employer’s reaction. Unless your kid got some criticism in the course of the meeting and came back with “screw you i’ve got an interview at Maccy D’s so suck it” - in which case also see above

RadioactiveWear · 19/02/2023 11:29

Sounds like he had his probation review and told them he didn't want to stay and they said fine. Don't blame the employer for doing the exact same thing employee would do.

This^

He may have said these things and the employer has said, well if you are not planning on staying, there is no point signing this off. Once you sign off the probation, an employer becomes much more responsible for the employee.

PrincessConstance · 19/02/2023 11:29

I think young people have seen the previous generations' choices and rejected them. I sometimes work weekends, but Dp refuses he thinks 5 days is enough. He's never volunteered for overtime either.

Suedomin · 19/02/2023 11:31

I'm not sure why you are angry with him . He was being honest in his review. Usually staff are encouraged to tell the truth about how things are going.
He didn't give up the job he was sacked. They didn't need to do that. A good employer would look at why he wasn't happy and see if there was any way they could keep him.
I suppose what he has learned is not to be honest in any further reviews he has.
I think he needs your support now not your anger

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 19/02/2023 11:33

We wise ones who know the ways of the world are calling his action a mistake but actually, he was honest with the company.

That is not such a bad fault!

I hope he has another job soon OP - it sounds as if he has that in hand . Being so active about this seems like the opposite to the sad state he was in during covid.

Sindonym · 19/02/2023 11:34

He’s a fool, but hopefully has learned a lesson - 19 a good age to learn it.

There are a lot of people at our work who seem to think they are irreplaceable at the moment - probably a covid legacy. If that’s the narrative amongst some at his company they may have decided to make a bit of an example of people who are swinging it all around.

Cocobutt · 19/02/2023 11:37

He’s a fool, but hopefully has learned a lesson - 19 a good age to learn it.

Why is he a fool?

mrscumberbatch11 · 19/02/2023 11:44

He's very young and just made a stupid mistake.

Try not to be too hard on him.

PhillySub · 19/02/2023 11:45

A lesson to be learned about engaging brain before engaging mouth. He now knows that he is not teflon coated and actions have consequences.

Sindonym · 19/02/2023 11:46

Cocobutt · 19/02/2023 11:37

He’s a fool, but hopefully has learned a lesson - 19 a good age to learn it.

Why is he a fool?

Assuming he wanted to keep the job telling them he was looking elsewhere was foolish. As he has found out.

If he didn’t want to keep the job then fair enough.