To be so angry with my 19 year old son

[Lovelycupofcoffee]

So my son has announced today that he had his review at work and told them he’s looking for other jobs . They said they were happy to keep him employed full time but after this news he’s being let go . Surely (and in my employment experience) you get another job first . He was earning good money in this job . I know he wasn’t keen on working weekends but giving up a job that pays good money without another job to go to just seems like utter madness. I was so angry this morning I had to go out for a few hours .

Yes, but why mention it anyway? I'm just puzzled because at 19, we know not to do that. I wondered if he thought it might give him leverage or something.

He's 19, he hasn't got the wisdom, or the knowledge to know that in many workplaces telling them you want to leave will mean a bad reaction. Knowing things like this isn't always a given.

He has learned that honesty in certain situations isn't the best thing.

But he's also learned that honesty with you isn't the best policy. Because you'll get mad.

There's obviously a reason why he wanted to leave this job. And staying in an environment you hate fucks with your mh too.

Businesses absolutely cannot let people go for ‘whatever reason they want’ for employees who’ve been there less than 2 years.

We only learn by our mistakes and hopefully he won’t make the same again in the future.

It’s crazy, young adults these days are very naive - my sister is 23 and the exact same!

He’s young. I could see my 18 year do that exact thing.
Hopefully he will learn from it.

He was just being naive and a little too honest. He'll know for next time. I'm sure he didn't tell them with the intention of getting sacked. Be easy on him

Op, it must be a real worry given the recent problems with his mental health but he’s young and people do make not so great decisions at this age and all you can do is let him get on with things whilst offering advice along the way when needed.

I actually agree with pp that if he was working for a good company they might have appreciated the heads up - if nothing else.

Telling them was imprudent - obviously - but nothing unforgivable in a 19yo. I'd be more angry at the company for their unprofessional reaction. Maybe he should have had a job lined up before he said he wanted to leave, but equally they should have had a replacement lined up before they sacked him.

Now I kinda hope they struggle to find someone and get in a bind when he leaves in two weeks !

Sounds like you want him to fail so you can say I told you so. The employer sounds dreadful to go what they’ve done, maybe be supportive instead of angry.

That's a pretty horrible company, and your reaction is hardly supportive either.

Poor kid. He'll learn not to tell you as much!

I wouldn't expect to be fired for discussing my plans to move on, nor would I dream of firing someone for that. Madness.

Well he has to learn by making mistakes if it's his first experience

I think this is just one of those lessons he's going to have to learn himself and the hard way.

Not for absolutely any reason but they certainly can for this. They don’t have to demonstrate that they have acted fairly or even give a reason.

He’s been a bit daft. But weren’t we all at 19?

As the mum of a son the same age and prone to doing the exact same thing, I feel your pain/frustration 😭

It’s mildly horrifying that a mother. . .a MOTHER would sound this vindictive & almost excited to see her child (hopefully) fail in his endeavors to (1.) work his final two weeks at his current job & (2.) attempt to secure even better employment.

I can’t imagine what this young man has encountered over the past decade+ after seeing this reaction.

EXACTLY! #NailedIt

Its quite easy for them to get rid though, you have fewer employment rights. To get rid of someone who's been there longer you need to either make them redundant (meaning you can't hire anyone else for the same role within a certain time period - totally impractical for most medium to large companies if not genuinely making redundancies) or you need to follow an official HR process like a performance improvement plan to show that the employee isn't up to doing the job and needs to be replaced.

If an employer knows a member of staff is looking to leave and likely not going to pull their weight as they've already mentally checked out, its natural they're going to want to let them go and get someone else in if they can.

They can come up with all sorts of valid and legal reasons to get rid of someone if they know that, which is why you have to play the game and don't tell the employer unless you want to hand your notice in. He'll have learnt an important lesson from that.

He's only 19, I don't think its a big deal. He was going to leave anyway, and it won't count against him on his CV I don't think. Just might mean a shortish gap in employment history and him being skint for a few months. But he'll also have more time to do social stuff or learn skills, more to life than work particularly at that age.

That is precisely what I read in those words as well. This was so exceptionally disappointing; from a mother especially.

I’m a bit confused by what you say in your posts.
did he say he was looking elsewhere and then they sacked him?
or did he say it and then quit?

because the way you say he should have got another job first and that he has to work notice (rather than, they gave him notice) sounds to me like he resigned rather than was sacked?

He's a numpty, but being angry at him is a wildly disproportionate reaction.

They can unless it's for an automatically unfair reason or discriminatory. They absolutely can just decide they're not feeling it and dismiss without reason in the first two years

It's Mumsnet. Expectations for adult children are lower than sea level.

I was a trainee dental nurse when I was 18, my first job after leaving school and I hated it. Made the mistake of telling one of my colleagues that I was friends with that I was thinking of doing a part-time evening course a the local college in the September - about 6 months away at that point - for a travel industry qualification. She blabbed to the Office Manager, next thing I know I'm in her office getting the sack. I was relieved to be honest, this was the mid 80s so no minimum wage - I was getting paid less a week than I would have got on the dole! Never did tell my parents about what I said, just that they didn't need me anymore. Didn't feel guilty about that, as the only reason I'd started working was because my father had refused to pay for me to go to uni, and he was earning too much for me to get any sort of grant (no student loans back then).

Like your son, I'd learnt a valuable lesson about keeping future plans to myself!

This gives him an opportunity to learn OP, chances are, he won't be so stupid in future.
I remember my DH did this about 10 years ago at 27.
Mentioned he had an interview for another job. That was his last day after telling them.

It never happened again though.

I agree, and it reminds me of exactly why I ran a mile leaving home at 18 and never so much as looked back. I could feel my mumMs silent willingness for me to fail.