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Original poster

Please tell me menopause is nothing to be afraid of.

207 replies

enweto · 17/02/2023 10:11

Lots of public discourse about it at the moment.
Not just Nicola Bulley, but also discussion about whether it should be classified as a protected characteristic, whether menopause leave should be a thing, posters up in the toilets in work about the menopause.

I swear I’m getting menopause anxiety!
I’m 38. Had a really horrible 6 years mental health wise, things weren’t great anyway but lockdown was so incredibly tough. I’m just crawling my way out of that cave and finding I’m starting to make progress and feeling better, but guess what’s coming for me in the next few years - sodding menopause. I don’t think I can take any more shit, I really don’t.

Please tell me it isn’t so bad?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/02/2023 10:13

Hasn't been so bad for me so far. Just waiting for the gp appointment to (as she described it) pick what I want to take.

LadyKenya · 17/02/2023 10:14

It is, or will not be the same for every woman.

BeanCounterBabe · 17/02/2023 10:16

No point worrying about it until if/when it happens. I’m 48 and started having some symptoms last year. Decided not to much about and got straight on to HRT and feeling pretty much OK now. Some people don’t need it. I’m glad people are more aware and able to talk about it because it helped me identify what was going on during a confusing time. Just ignore it for now but be aware if you start getting symptoms later on.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 17/02/2023 10:17

Didn't even notice it in my case other than periods stopping, no hot flushes, no mood swings, no nothing. Some women suffer some don't with a full variety of symptoms in between.

FlyingPandas · 17/02/2023 10:18

Unfortunately I think menopause is a bit like period pain or labour - no-one can tell you exactly how it is going to be for you.

Some women will - comparatively - breeze through it, some will struggle a bit with symptoms, some will really really really struggle with symptoms and some will find the whole thing completely and utterly unbearable.

But none of us know which of the above is going to apply to us until we get there.

I'm erring on the side of optimism for now - have been in perimenopause the last few years and for the moment I'm somewhere in between breezing through and struggling a bit. But who knows how I'll be once full menopause kicks in.

JMSA · 17/02/2023 10:18

I think I'm in it. My moods can be flat and my oestrogen has gone down, as my kids are definitely getting on my nerves more. I'm single and used to think about sex a lot, but now I don't.
So far nothing seems bad or different enough for me to take myself off to the GP, if that makes sense.

JMSA · 17/02/2023 10:19

Oh, and I'm 48.

Beamur · 17/02/2023 10:19

It's different for everyone. Many women will go through it without difficulty. Most will have some symptoms, but these are more changes than being unwell if you see what I mean. Personally I have been having fairly mild symptoms - bit tired and achey, bit forgetful and grumpy but HRT is really helpful.
Some women will find it hard but there's much less taboo about it right now and doctors are much more willing to help with medication.
It's also not forever - it's a few years maximum.

JMSA · 17/02/2023 10:23

Ooh, my joints have been a bit sore. I had put it down to putting on weight (I'm a greedy mare, rather than that being a symptom), but maybe it is a menopausal thing.

Babdoc · 17/02/2023 10:25

It varies, OP, but I welcomed mine - hot flushes are great when you have to get out of bed on a freezing winter morning in Scotland!
Seriously, don’t waste time and energy fretting about it in advance, that’s pointless. If yours, when it comes, is a bad one, just see your GP for some hrt. But for many women it’s just a bit of insomnia, some hot flushes and tiredness, which eventually settle.

Mythicalcreatures · 17/02/2023 10:26

It's been over 2 years since I have had a period and that seems to be the extent of it, there does seems to be a lot of focus on the negatives but it is not always too bad

Nutellaontoastplease · 17/02/2023 10:26

enweto · 17/02/2023 10:11

Lots of public discourse about it at the moment.
Not just Nicola Bulley, but also discussion about whether it should be classified as a protected characteristic, whether menopause leave should be a thing, posters up in the toilets in work about the menopause.

I swear I’m getting menopause anxiety!
I’m 38. Had a really horrible 6 years mental health wise, things weren’t great anyway but lockdown was so incredibly tough. I’m just crawling my way out of that cave and finding I’m starting to make progress and feeling better, but guess what’s coming for me in the next few years - sodding menopause. I don’t think I can take any more shit, I really don’t.

Please tell me it isn’t so bad?

I could have written this. I'm worried for myself but also for my family, I don't want to be hell to live with for years on end!

RudsyFarmer · 17/02/2023 10:26

enweto · 17/02/2023 10:11

Lots of public discourse about it at the moment.
Not just Nicola Bulley, but also discussion about whether it should be classified as a protected characteristic, whether menopause leave should be a thing, posters up in the toilets in work about the menopause.

I swear I’m getting menopause anxiety!
I’m 38. Had a really horrible 6 years mental health wise, things weren’t great anyway but lockdown was so incredibly tough. I’m just crawling my way out of that cave and finding I’m starting to make progress and feeling better, but guess what’s coming for me in the next few years - sodding menopause. I don’t think I can take any more shit, I really don’t.

Please tell me it isn’t so bad?

For most people they won’t start to feel peri menopause under the age of 45. So I think you can calm down at the age you are now.

My advice is get yourself on HRT directly you start to feel crap and achy. Don’t wait until you’re sweating and having flushes. Then you’re quite a way down the road. I was waking up and aching and thinking it was just age. Went on
HRT and that’s gone away. So for me that was the first sign.

if you are well off you can always go to a clinic now and they’ll run all the tests and measure your hormone levels. It’s expensive but when I did it I definitely felt much better about everything as I had some data to look at.

Theimpossiblegirl · 17/02/2023 10:27

I'm 47 and apart from a few night sweats and finding people really annoying I'm fine so far.

I have the mirena coil but nothing else yet.

It hits some people very badly so it's a good idea for protective legislation to be put in place. Others sail through. Awareness is a good thing for us all.

Sahara123 · 17/02/2023 10:30

I think that a downside of so much in the media about menopause is what you’re feeling - an expectation that the menopause is horrendous for all women. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely agree that we should be much more open and aware, but just remember all women are different, and the range of symptoms very broad and affect all of us differently. I didn’t really think about the menopause and was lucky enough to not have any symptoms at all - thank you Mirena coil !

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 17/02/2023 10:30

I'm 59 and other than stopping menstruation about 4 years ago, not really had any issues.

Maybe my hair is a bit thinner, battling a bit more to keep weight down, a bit less energy/upper body strength as one would expect with age, but otherwise a non-event.

Pirateships · 17/02/2023 10:31

For some people it is horrific, for others it isn't. Not saying that to inflame anxiety but it's about time it wasn't swept under the rug and that healthcare changed to take this, as well as other aspects of women's healthcare seriously. Many women are dismissed of being dramatic, ridiculous, exaggerating, just upset as they're getting older when in reality there's a whole plethora of physical, hormonal and emotional changes which can be a lot to deal with for some.

JMSA · 17/02/2023 10:32

I definitely agree with not worrying about it until it happens. What's the point in that, when normal life can be stressful enough?!

MeinKraft · 17/02/2023 10:35

Think of it like this. All women when they have a baby have hormonal fluctuations afterwards which causes symptoms to various degrees. Only a small few develop postpartum psychosis. Will you have physical and mental symptoms - yes, but there's only a very small chance that they'll be so very severe that they destroy your life.

Choconut · 17/02/2023 10:38

I'm perimenopausal (48) so far I've had hot flushes and generally I seem to run at a higher temperature than I used to - which is bloody excellent as before I was always cold (it's excellent for heating bills too). My skin is a bit drier which is also excellent as I always used to get spots. My moods are maybe a bit more up and down, I wake up earlier perhaps - but I'm out like a light at night. I'm just counting the days until my periods stop - I can't wait!

Original poster
enweto · 17/02/2023 10:39

MeinKraft · 17/02/2023 10:35

Think of it like this. All women when they have a baby have hormonal fluctuations afterwards which causes symptoms to various degrees. Only a small few develop postpartum psychosis. Will you have physical and mental symptoms - yes, but there's only a very small chance that they'll be so very severe that they destroy your life.

Thank you, this is helpful.

OP posts:
Original poster
enweto · 17/02/2023 10:40

Has anyone tried anything other than HRT to prevent / reduce severity of symptoms (especially psychological ones?)

OP posts:
Teawaster · 17/02/2023 10:40

I'm just 60 and I don't really know when I went through the menopause. My periods stopped about 6 years ago but I had very few symptoms. Sometimes I wonder if I have had it yet!
My late DH was going through cancer treatment so maybe I missed some symptoms.
I suppose I've had a few night sweats and a few aches and pains but as I run regularly and do marathons and other distances, I didn't think much of it.
It seems to be in the news constantly these days and whilst I think it's great that there is open conversation about it and more people are aware of it, my experience and that of those around me doesn't appear to be half as bad as that portrayed. Not saying that people don't suffer hugely, it's just not my experience.

ocs30 · 17/02/2023 10:42

I think your fear is understandable, but the truth is, you never know how any individual will react to anything. I'm very sensitive to hormones and was convinced I was going to have a terrible menopause. I could never tolerate birth control pills, had hyperemesis gravidarum through the entirety of 2 out of 3 pregnancies (I only had it for 6 months with the middle one), terrible cramps every months, etc. But in the end I had no notable perimenopause symptoms and didn't hit menopause until 54 at which point I had terrible hot flashes and aching joints and insomnia. I lived with that for about 2 weeks before getting onto HRT and have been totally fine ever since. I sleep well, no brain fog, run 5-10k at least 3 times a week, no weight gain, no thinning hair, no wild mood swings.

There's a lot of talk right now about peri and menopause, which overall is a fantastic thing for women's health, but I agree it can be frightening on an individual level. The good thing is that you have loads of information at your disposal and will be able to use it to make good choices when the time comes.

Try to enjoy the moment OP, and feel good about the progress you've made recently, and don't torture yourself over something you can't control right now. Because if there's one thing I can promise it's that life doesn't happen the way you think it will!

Slimjimtobe · 17/02/2023 10:47

Hi op - I also worry and think I’m on peri

have you tried St Johns wort? I’m on it six months and feel less anxious and mood is brighter (I take it with a multivitamin)

just said I would mention it (I got mine in Asda)