Please tell me menopause is nothing to be afraid of.

[enweto]

Lots of public discourse about it at the moment.
Not just Nicola Bulley, but also discussion about whether it should be classified as a protected characteristic, whether menopause leave should be a thing, posters up in the toilets in work about the menopause.

I swear I’m getting menopause anxiety!
I’m 38. Had a really horrible 6 years mental health wise, things weren’t great anyway but lockdown was so incredibly tough. I’m just crawling my way out of that cave and finding I’m starting to make progress and feeling better, but guess what’s coming for me in the next few years - sodding menopause. I don’t think I can take any more shit, I really don’t.

Please tell me it isn’t so bad?

I don't think there's any point worrying because, as pp's have said, there's no way to know how it will affect you.

What I DO think is a good thing is to be aware of the potential effects, so that if you do get some of them you know what's going on rather than thinking "Wtf is happening to me?!" because you've been under the impression that menopause is just hot flushes and night sweats.

I can't have hrt and it hasn't been too bad.

I think it's telling that there don't seem to be any decent statistics out there to tell us how many women suffer badly and how many barely notice anything.

For myself, my periods stopped suddenly 10 years ago when I was 48. My hair is thinner now and my surplus weight has moved from my hips to my waist, but that's about the sum of it.

IIRC, about 15% of women have no symptoms at all. I think seriously difficult to cope with symptoms are a minority, but it's not worth worrying and it is worth knowing there is medical treatment that can help and you are totally entitled to if it's impacting you negatively.

I think I'm in peri, mostly so far it's some lovely facial hair🙄and occasional difficulty sleeping.

Sigh, I expected this to happen, as the menopause is talked about more & more.. I mean, not that that's a BAD thing but I guess it does make women fear that they'll be really ill.. & the tragic nature of the Nicola Bulley investigation has only raised awareness.. I hope, @enweto that the amount of us (including me) saying they sailed through it is helpful.
I couldn't even tell you what age I was when it happened.. I remember jumper on, jumper off, as I sometimes boiled! ;-)
That was nothing as heavy periods buggered off for good. And the knowledge that I could buy white trousers!! :-)

Thanks for posting this OP. I've already got a hormonal autoimmune condition, and gone through years of domestic abuse with resulting mental health problems. I'm dreading - absolutely dreading- the menopause.

I wish I could get out of it by identifying as a man!

I'm on the other side now, but didn't think it was too bad. The hot flushes at night were unpleasant, and the periodic flooding was worse, but all dealable with. I didn't have to take HRT.

To be honest, being diagnosed with T2 Diabetes was harder.

I am 26 and already dread it ! Although my mum said she breezed through it I just read so many scare stories

I wish I’d known about the menopausal memory loss and anxiety before it happened to me, I’m sure it would have been reassuring to know I wasn't going mad or getting Alzheimer’s like my poor Mum. My managers at work were all older women, must have been through it or going through it themselves, but never raised it as a possible cause of my new inability to cope with my demanding job. I had a caseload of hundreds of patients, but couldn’t hold more than one thought in my head at a time.

Better forewarned than questioning your own sanity. I’m so glad menopause is being taken seriously now, it was only 6 years ago that I took early retirement because I thought I would die of stress if I didn’t leave. Might have stuck it out with a bit more support and understanding.

But memory loss and anxiety were my worst symptoms. Possibly because I didn’t know the reason for it. Now I’m post-menopausal and my memory seems fine again, and not having to work has dealt with the anxiety.

Hot flushes and night sweats were a bit of a pain, but “Coolmax” bedding from M&S (other brands available) sorted out the latter, and I never again woke up in cold wet sheets.

Never took any hormones as at the time there was a bit of a scare about breast cancer and dementia, both of which my Mum had suffered, and she’d been on HRT for a while. But I always thought I’d give it a go if symptoms got too bad and with hindsight it might have helped the memory and anxiety problems.

This. After a lifetime of horrendous periods, I'm not suffering at all. Had a couple of hot flushes 4 years ago but no other symptoms! For which I'm grateful. I do know other women are really put through the wringer.

Are you getting help for your anxiety because if not you need it. How can anyone tell you what it will be like when it's so different for so many? My mum is going through the menopause, she had very few symptoms initially other than periods tailing off, years later she had hot flushes and sleep disturbance. It in her case at least isn't just a steady flow of symptoms, they ebb and flow, sometimes she's fine in herself, other times she struggles.

You don't know what yours will be like so if you don't currently have symptoms you are wasting precious time and headspace. Menopause should be discussed, it should be normalised and women should know what kinds of support are available to them and how to seek it out.

I have had it bad, then good.

In my mid, to late 40's I was a perimenopausal wreck. I had flooding, terrible black moods, intrusive thoughts, anxiety and insomnia. I developed claustrophobia. I went to a private GP and she prescribed me HRT. The progesterone tablets made me feel really low, so I swapped them for a Mirena coil. Also, the estrogen made me feel pregnant, all bloated and massive, sore boobs. Within days of getting the coil, I was a new woman. I dropped the estrogen and just had the coil. It changed my life. No periods, no flooding, and the other symptoms largely went too.

Over the past 3 years of having the coil, I have seen some mild symptoms such as a bit of anxiety, I have had 1 hot flush but it is nothing compared to my normal cycle or the perimenopausal symptoms which were horrendous as I also have PCOS.

The best advice I was given was don't wait for it to happen, get in front of it. That means being kind to yourself and putting yourself first. Whenever you have a change in your life, you need vitamins to support it. Be as fit and healthy as you can be. Take time for yourself. Read up on the symptoms and HRT so if you need it, you can move fast rather than play catchup.

I am not 100% sure when I got my coil. It may be 3, or 4 years ago. I need to check it. I think it is coming to the end of its life as I do feel a bit meh. I plan on taking it out, seeing what happens and if I still have periods (I am nearly 54) I am getting another of the buggers straight away. I am hoping I have circumnavigated the menopause and it happened whilst I was on the coil.

I think the genetic side both re age and symptoms is very valid. I started HRT proactively because I remember the horrific time my mum had. I think I got so invested in the Nicola Bulley threads because of my personal experience stopping HRT and as a child a female relative killed herself. The menopause in my family isn’t great 🤣

Hi OP, I am 50 and have been on HRT since May. Patch and mirena coil. I was having symptoms with hot flushes, mood swings, brain fog etc. Best thing I ever did was go on HRT. Don't worry about anything but speak to your doctor. I wished I went on it sooner.

I went through it hardly noticing and think it's ridiculous how it's been pathologised - yes, let's make women look unreliable and less employable.

..and I didn't have HRT.
If it's bad, deal with it when it happens, don't waste your time worrying about it in advance

Oh and I always choose a male gynaecologist because as evidenced by some comments here women are very dismissive of other women if it doesn’t tally with their experience. Nothing but understanding from male gynaes however!

I think that you tend to hear about the cases where menopause has been really difficult but that the reality for most women is not like that so it doesn't get mentioned.

The downsides of menopause - if you suffer average symptoms - are probably not as bad as the downsides of periods/contraception-if you suffer average symptoms/side-effects of those.

Anyway - don't be afraid. Think of the billions of women who pass through it every year. The chances of it being fine for you are very high.

HRT is particularly beneficial for those with earlier menopause <50yrs, apparently the beneficial time to start is during peri don’t wait. The heart/brain benefits are proven. Although I had a blood clot (likely due to unknown genetic clotting disorder so don’t be put off) the benefits of HRT are so great some professionals want me on it still (as I’m anticoagulated). However I am going with my haematologists recommendation to stop but most other Doctors eg GP/gynaes think I should go back on. HRT really is wonderful 😻😂

I haven't had HRT and can honestly say for me other ailments have been far more of a big deal. Everyone is different- my worst bits were really bad itching down below, very hot at night for about a year and my libido dropped off a cliff (in all fairness though it wasn't that present for 10 years before that). None of these for me were debilitating- whereas long covid has really taken the piss

I feel great. Really good HRT is an improvement over a life on birth control.

The first months of peri-menopause were tough. I've always had good mental health and I found myself having suicidal thoughts. I recognised the thoughts and rages for what they were and immediately sought private help.

I now have oestrogen gel, a mirena, and testosterone cream. I pay privately for menopause care, request my prescriptions online, pay with apple pay and the meds arrive in the post the next day. No fuss. No GP phone lines, no queues at the chemist.

If feel better than I ever did on a birth control pill, and the oestrogen and testosterone balance out the side effects I had when I used mirena as birth control. I don't have monthly fluctuations.

I am nearly 49. I can fit into the dress I wore the night I met my husband when I was 23 and thin from smoking. I eat well, sleep well, exercise well. My mood is balanced. I don't drink much alcohol and I don't eat a lot of sugar, which I miss a bit, but I feel great.

Everyone is different op, some women sail through it, some have a bad time of it. Fortunately there are things available to help such as HRT.
I'm post menopausal and I was one of the lucky ones who sailed through it without HRT. My mum was the same and I'm hoping it will be for my daughter when she gets there.
I was quite surprised with mine because I used to suffer from cramps and migraines when I was having periods, so I thought I was going to have a dreadful menopause, but quite the opposite happened.
Try not to worry about it.

As I said, I was lucky and sailed through it but my mum really suffered. She ended up on Valium but blamed that on our teenage behaviour…
Her already fiery temper got worse as did her bullying behaviour.
She was very overweight (dress size 30-32) and didn’t walk anywhere. She worked hard but in a sit down job and never exercised.
I determined not to be like her and it’s probably coincidence I didn’t suffer but I believe exercise helped my mental health.

Honestly, op, I am finding it much worse than I imagined. I had thought it would be no big deal but I’ve felt really unwell for over a year now.

Mine has been fine to be honest, but some of my friends' has been horrendous. For most people I know it's somewhere in the middle, so the odd hot flush or getting up more to wee at night but that's about it. Keep an open mind, and apparently HRT (which I've chosen not to take) is a lifesaver, so there's always something they can do.

I have become rather worried. Particularly as I cannot have HRT, especially since I’ve hit 40. It does all seem a bit like the labour horror stories everyone tells you about when you are pregnant.