Please tell me menopause is nothing to be afraid of.

[enweto]

Lots of public discourse about it at the moment.
Not just Nicola Bulley, but also discussion about whether it should be classified as a protected characteristic, whether menopause leave should be a thing, posters up in the toilets in work about the menopause.

I swear I’m getting menopause anxiety!
I’m 38. Had a really horrible 6 years mental health wise, things weren’t great anyway but lockdown was so incredibly tough. I’m just crawling my way out of that cave and finding I’m starting to make progress and feeling better, but guess what’s coming for me in the next few years - sodding menopause. I don’t think I can take any more shit, I really don’t.

Please tell me it isn’t so bad?

Easy to middling menopause here - started at 41 and finished by 46. Had palpitations, the rage and hot flushes at various times and took soya isoflavones for the flushes which knocked them dead. A very understanding partner coped with the rage 🙈 but this only lasted on and off for about 4 months.

Otherwise, sailed through and just use vagifem for vaginal dryness now.

Some seem very dismissive and “I sailed through it”.
I have worked in a predominantly female environment for 14 years and the amount of women in their 40s/50s removing cardigans, mopping brows, being extremely annoyed with whatever you said etc was the majority rather than the minority. I “sailed” through childbirth but peri menopause was a different ball game. HRT brought me back to being a tolerable human being. People forget the bad days (just like child birth).

Snap on all fronts

Some seem very dismissive and “I sailed through it”.

But some people have. I work with two women who aren't "sailing through it", so I am not unsympathetic about their symptoms, but for me, apart from the awful migraines, I did pretty much "sail through it".

What do you want people to say? That is it awful for everyone?

Of course it's nothing to be afraid of. Huge numbers of women go through it and barely notice. The effect of media figures (eg Davina) going on about it all the time is simply to create concern among younger women. It's not an illness and it's perfectly normal.

This ^

But you had awful migraines although you sailed though it 🥴.
I just prefer honesty and “yes, there were rubbish days but I coped”.

I’m sorry it’s just not true that it’s not noticeable (for most). 85% of women report negative symptoms (of varying severity). Yes it’s “normal” but so is giving birth that’s not a walk in the park and nowadays we have pain relief etc. Let’s not undo the huge progress that’s been made raising awareness of menopausal symptoms please! There are a lucky few who probably aren’t at all affected but I’d say they’re the minority.

Luckily I didn’t have internet when I went through menopause and I can genuinely say I had a few months of heavy periods and that was it ! I didn’t give it any thought at the time and am sure it was because there wasn’t social media to get me worrying. I was lucky and do relise that it is not so easy for everyone. I was about 45 so younger than many other women.

But many women are so debilitated by it that by saying ‘I’ve sailed through it’ is actually quite dismissive. It’s like saying to people with insomnia that they sleep like a log.

I'm 47 and went on hrt this year purely for the night sweats because they began to affect my sleep and so I was tired.
The sweats stopped within 5 days of being on the patches.

Other than that I've felt fine, I found period cramps and pmt much worse than the menopause.

But many women are so debilitated by it that by saying ‘I’ve sailed through it’ is actually quite dismissive. It’s like saying to people with insomnia that they sleep like a log.

it was in response to the OP who asked if it was awful for everyone. I know a lot of women don't sail through it, but I wanted to reassure the OP that it is different for everyone.

@OldShoreMore It just shows how much it varies. I have always been super-fit (hardcore walker/exerciser/bike rider) but still needed HRT to get through the hot flushes.

It’s so difficult to know which symptoms are the menopause and which aren’t.

I had my last period at 45 and I think I went through it without realising. That’s not to say that I didn’t have symptoms but I was in denial because I was young. The hot flushes were there but certainly not debilitating, my joints ached and I put on weight. But I was also going through horrendous stress and eating a giant Aero every day! I’ve lost weight now and my joints don’t ache as long as I do yoga. I still look maybe ten years younger than I am and my skin hasn’t aged. My hair is thinner on top. The worst thing for me is the lack of libido…but I’m not fertile so why would I have one? I’m depressed and anxious but that’s situational. There are good things….like not caring about whether men find you attractive (they actually do but I’m not interested - they’re not attractive to me anymore and men my age are usually repulsive) and enjoying bird watching.

I’m sick of everyone talking about the menopause and blaming every symptom on it. Is being grumpy a symptom?🙂

I barely noticed my menopause.

I had hot flushes, but only at night (15 minutes past the hour, every hour), and all I took was some herbal tablets, I think they were called Menopace. Whether they stopped anyway or whether it was the tablets, I have no idea, but they stopped.

My periods got lighter and lighter, and shorter in duration and I couldn't actually tell you when they stopped. I just realised one day that I hadn't had one for ages, and never had another one. I think I was 50, maybe 51.

I was depressed, but that could easily have been due to being married to my abusive ex. And I still have very thick hair.

It's different for everyone. The vast majority of my friends had just a few hot flushes and either weathered it or a couple went on low level HRT. Three of us had no symptoms at all other than irregular periods til they stopped. One friend had a very bad time.
I was dreading it - my mother had a terrible time. I was really lucky, but it's not that unusual to have few or no symptoms.

It’s been awful for me. Anxious thoughts, insomnia, painful sex, loss of libido, exhaustion. When I spoke to my doctor a few months ago, I said I thought the symptoms would disappear once I’d gone through the menopause ( I’m 54, periods stopped nearly two years ago)She said unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

HRT has really helped me, I’ve changed from gel to patches as gel didn’t work for me. Get a good doctor that listens and wants to help, that really has made a difference as well. I felt so embarrassed that I was struggling, found it exhausting putting on an act the whole time, my doctor made me feel like she really understood.

For generations we have been conditioned to accept that we have to just get on with it and accept our lot. We now have options and it’s wonderful. Hopefully we can all acknowledge that the menopause is different for everyone and support each other accordingly. For me it’s viva HRT.

NRTWT But I'd say it's about the same as starting your period was. By which I mean that the same phase of bodily change is different for different people. Perhaps what is most difficult is getting used to your body behaving differently from how it used to; and periods being unpredictable. I'd say don't worry about it till you have to, but don't be shy about seeking help when you think you need it.

I had terrible joint pains and worsening hormonal headaches when I was 47. I saw my GP who didn’t hesitate to offer me HRT which I’ve now been taking for almost 2 years. I’m feeling pretty good with it with no real perimenopausal symptoms. I don’t see the point in suffering when I’m fully aware of the positives of use of HRT. To be honest most of the similar aged women I know are on it.

Yes I agree, we are all different, though I have read/heard that being obese can mean you are more susceptible to hot flushes. (I can’t remember where I heard this but it was in a menopause podcast, will try to remember and link, but not sure how true it is.) I am overweight but much fitter than I was. But blamed my hot flushes on my obesity.

The point I was trying to make I guess was that exercising generally had made me feel better. I can move around easily and my joints don’t hurt. However the hot flushes have gone because of the HRT.

^replying to @FredPolice

I suffered at 42 with anxiety, I gave up alcohol and the anxiety went away. I've had no other symptoms. Periods stopped 2 years ago and I'm 48. I've never taken HRT. I am aware that I might still get some symptoms but up to now I'm ok.

And yet the OP has asked specifically: "Please tell me it isn't so bad."

The statistics I've generally seen are around 25% of women indeed do "sail through" the menopausal transition, and live happily ever after.

Around 50% of women experience some symptoms, but find them bearable.

Around 25% of women have a really difficult time. And a further smaller portion continue to have ongoing difficulties with hot flushes and so on, after menopause.

So the vast majority are basically okay, and find ways to manage their symptoms, if any - and many find they are postmenopause without having any symptoms of particular note, or without noticing anything, hence the term "sailed through".

And if you do have vasomotor symptoms and want HRT, it is available in more forms and variations than one can list, and is no longer frowned on (as it was for many women in the generation prior, after the WHI results scared off GPs).

Do some women continue with debilitating symptoms well after the menopause?

My hair is a lot thinner and I am no longer skinny, but I don't actually have any horrible symptoms (my last period was 14 years ago).