Please tell me menopause is nothing to be afraid of.

[enweto]

Lots of public discourse about it at the moment.
Not just Nicola Bulley, but also discussion about whether it should be classified as a protected characteristic, whether menopause leave should be a thing, posters up in the toilets in work about the menopause.

I swear I’m getting menopause anxiety!
I’m 38. Had a really horrible 6 years mental health wise, things weren’t great anyway but lockdown was so incredibly tough. I’m just crawling my way out of that cave and finding I’m starting to make progress and feeling better, but guess what’s coming for me in the next few years - sodding menopause. I don’t think I can take any more shit, I really don’t.

Please tell me it isn’t so bad?

Don’t be scared of HRT, it can help protect against dementia, osteoporosis and heart failure.

I’m 44 and started it a few months ago, I’m sleeping better but have zero libido. I found Davina’s menopause book really helpful as well as Dr Louise Newsome’s podcasts. I found though that the more I learnt the more angry I felt, because if it was a men’s problem it would be treated appropriately, but a lot of GPs still seem to dish out anti depressants and tell us to go away and put up with it.

Could I ask - for people who had suffered bad menopause symptoms, what is life like when you come out the other side? Do you feel ‘normal’ as you did pre-menopause? Or is there no going back?

I’m worried too. I’m 37 with a 10 month old and going through breast cancer treatment. My cancer was oestrogen and progesterone responsive so after I’m done with the chemo and radiotherapy they want me to take 10 years of tablets to block oestrogen, and I won’t be allowed HRT in future. I feel like I’ve been robbed of my remaining “youth” and all that’s left for me now is poor mental health, weight gain, hot flashes and no sex drive (not that I have one now anyway but I was hoping it might come back). It seems everywhere I look it’s talk of how the menopause is debilitating and while it’s good we’re talking about it it makes me feel like I will never have any quality of life ever again 😢

I went through it in my early 50's with 3 teenagers and while working and doing a PhD p/t.

The night sweats were annoying - slept on towels for a few years - and a bit of flooding to start with, but once periods stopped it was fine.

My mother had gone through a horrendous one - but my sister's was even less problematic than mine.

It really is not always horrendous.

See now I’m worried that I should be taking HRT! I’m nearly 50 with some peri symptoms - not really physical ailments, more mood related. Periods are still monthly (but irregular) and light…. But what about bone health?

Until it happens to you OP you won’t know. Some women are fine, some struggle a bit and for sone it’s awful

im on systemic HRT which really helps with the itchy hands, hot flushes and insomnia

however for me the worst part was vaginal atrophy where the lack of oestrogen causes vaginal/vulval skin to thin, the lips to shrink and your clit to start to disappear all accompanied by raging itching. Fortunately after a year of misery thinking I had terrible thrush I finally realised what it was and my GP has been great - prescribed vagirux (topical oestrogen) which along with other moisturisers has helped so much to restore things though I’ll never have my pre menopause vag!

the main thing is not to suffer if you’re struggling. You don’t get a medal for being miserable & in pain

I sailed through it, I had very rare hot flushes but very heavy regular periods , after a life time of irregular periods , then they stopped. That was it . No emotional symptoms etc

I’m perimenopausal, 46, started to have some symptoms, doc has put me on normal contraceptive tablets which has given me a low dose of hormones and removed symptoms. My mum had an ‘easy’ menopause so hoping for the sake. I also haven’t had bad periods of pregnancies so everyone’s different

Please don’t stress and worry about it ! There is nothing you can do . Mine wasn’t bad at all . Hot sweats a pain but not terrible weight gain that I could control but can’t be bothered and my joints are more creaky , that’s is I tried hrt but for me it wasn’t good made me bleed a lot . So I’ve not taken anything since . Good luck you will get through this we are women and strong

Thanks everybody. Got home from work, about to grab a cuppa and read the replies. Thank you

Thank you for starting this thread - I'm 36 but I also feel quite worried about what the future might hold because there has been so much discussion about the debilitating effect of menopause. I do think it's over all positive that it's being so much more openly and honestly discussed, but it is a bit frightening. It worries me particularly at work. My employer has had a big campaign around menopause awareness and again I am very much for this, but it does make me feel like I'll never be on top form at work ever again - as soon as I'm done juggling work around childcare and dashing off to do pick ups I'll be menopausal and that will apparently all look like a walk in the park! One of the campaigns at work said 10% of women quit work due to the menopause, and I don't know quite how that will even work for my generation, far fewer of whom will be in a position to stop working in their 50s.

Talk to your Mum and if possible maternal grandmother. My Mum would turn a broken nail into a 4 act opera but actually said it was no real problem, same for Nan. I had some hot flushes but basically periods tailed off, it was the same for them and we all started at almost exactly the same age (even thought they'd had babies in their 40s)

I don't want to minimise that it is awful for some women, it is, but it isn't invariable.

Half the population goes through it, it obviously isn't that bad overall but affects some worse than others.

Its not something worth worrying about, in the same way that we all die eventually but don't spend all of our time worrying about how grim that will be when it happens.

I had three nights of hot flushes ( had a hysterectomy years before so no clues as to what was happening ), figured out what was going on, went straight onto HRT. That was years ago. Never had any problems, will never go through menopause, so no, nothing to be afraid of. We don’t live in the dark ages, if you’re able, take the HRT.

Agree with everyone who is saying it's different for everyone. There are 30 odd symptoms which might be menopause related and they all differ in severity too. Being aware of the symptoms and recognising that your brain fog or severe itching skin is possibly menopause related will put you one step ahead with knowing what steps to take.

You cannot rely on your GP to be clued up. I had the most awful two years where I was twice told I had "depression" and was prescribed Prozac and then Citalopram. The GPs did not even realise from my notes that I had had a hysterectomy and was late 40s, and that my 2 episodes of "depression" and repeated UTIs were menopause. It was only through watching programmes fronted by the likes of Davina McCall and Mariella Frostrup that I put two and two together and realised what was going on.

HRT has been a life saver. Patches/gel are very low risk. Being overweight and drinking/smoking is much much more of a risk. Yes Vitamin D and exercise helps, but HRT is a godsend when you are in this black pit and think you are literally losing your mind.

Mine has been a complete non-event. Or rather, peri was a non-event & I guess I can start telling you about menop in a year or so.

MN is very health-anxiety inducing, deffo.
I never talked about menop with my ma, she passed now, but she did turn into a little old lady overnight. I don't perceive that I have done that.

@enweto Please don't worry. I am 51 and had some years of vague peri symptoms (periods going a bit weird, bit of brain fog). I went to the GP when I got fed up with two things, namely hot flushes which meant I was waking up several times per night and were very uncomfortable during the day; and half-hearted periods that went on for weeks at a time and were a nuisance. I tried HRT patches and was allergic to the glue on them, so the GP switched me to HRT gel plus progesterone tablets for 14/28 days. This was a year ago, and I have had one 2-day period since then. At my most recent review, the GP switched me onto a daily progesterone tablet due to my lack of periods, in addition to the gel. I also have a vaginal oestrogen gel as I was finding sex more uncomfortable (though my sex drive has actually increased, as I am now not worrying about unplanned pregnancy, which was always an issue when I was younger as the Pill didn't agree with me).

On that score, I was worried about HRT having the same effect on me as the Pill, but I have had zero side effects. Plus it has the positive side effect of helping to protect against osteoporosis, which is important for me as I was anorexic when younger.

I haven't had a hot flush since a few days after starting the gel, and as this was my main unpleasant symptom, I am very happy about that.

Otherwise, I haven't put any weight on (I am still 7 stone something) and am going about my life completely as I always have done.

So it's absolutely not the case that menopause is a terrible thing. I chose to nip in the bud the symptoms I didn't like, but I dare say I could get through without. I just can't be bothered to try.

I do absolutely take my hat off to anyone going through the menopause (or peri) who has teenage or younger children, though. That would have sent me doolally.

This is a myth.

Once your ovaries stop producing estrogen that's it. It's not a temporary blip and then back to normal. Yes some women will find that after 5 years they can stop using HRT and it's all fine. Others are on patches/gel for life.

It’s like pregnancy - some women sail through it, for some it’s utterly awful. So it’s impossible to say how it will be for you.

One thing I would say: seek HRT sooner rather than later if it’s a route you’re happy to go down. I had the misfortune of entering menopause early and it has made me feel so much better.

Don’t let GP fob you off with “You’re a bit young…” either.

Just another thought. When I rang the GP, I had to go through the whole "what's it about?" thing with the receptionist. When I said it was about menopause, she was really helpful and told me the names of the doctors at my surgery who specialise in it (all women), and I made an appt with one of them.

Menopause at 44/45 the hot flushes became so hard to deal with, when I could feel one coming on it made me feel quite poorly. Cold sweats in the morning - I'd take the dog for a walk and come back with sweat dripping down my back even if it was -5°outside. Headaches, aches, memory fuzz, hair loss, I didn't have a good time at all.

One little patch has given me my life back and now I get zero symptoms. Not one of the above.

If you're a candidate for HRT it's definitely something to consider when the time comes.

DM had zero menopause effects.
Aunt 1 also zero.
Aunt 2 hot flushes took HRT
Aunt 3 (father side) zero.

Friend zero.

Some will, some won’t.
I’m in peri and had some ovary pain but could be anything. I’m of the mindset it’ll be fine…. 🤷🏼‍♀️

its not one fits all.

Id say go on the HRT when you start to feel discomfort wether that be
virginal dryness
mood changes
anxiety
aching bones
plus many many other symptoms

The oestrogen depletion in our body as we get older definitely affects our bodies in quite a few ways
Say just because you don’t have the anxiety part in menopause doesn’t mean you won’t get any of the other many symptoms

If I’d of been diagnosed properly at 54 and not just given a change of antidepressant at the time(which gave me a lot of start up side effects) I might not of gone to hell & back
wish I’d of been given HRT instead

Absolutely this ^

I'm 64 and had my last period at 50.
I had a few warm glows rather than debilitating hot flushes, a few pregnancy scares and a lot of migraines (which I don't have any more)

I didn't get the brain fog or mood changes or any other negative symptoms.

Really not too bad for me. Hot flushes have been my most debilitating symptom. I took HRT last summer but the dose was too high and had side effects that were worse than the hot flushes. Have recently gone back on at half the dose. And all good so far.

But… the thing that had made the biggest difference to my life is exercising twice a week and walking as much as I can. Start doing this now if you don’t already and it will make things easier. Plus eating a good diet (which can still include chocolate!).