Please tell me menopause is nothing to be afraid of.

[enweto]

Lots of public discourse about it at the moment.
Not just Nicola Bulley, but also discussion about whether it should be classified as a protected characteristic, whether menopause leave should be a thing, posters up in the toilets in work about the menopause.

I swear I’m getting menopause anxiety!
I’m 38. Had a really horrible 6 years mental health wise, things weren’t great anyway but lockdown was so incredibly tough. I’m just crawling my way out of that cave and finding I’m starting to make progress and feeling better, but guess what’s coming for me in the next few years - sodding menopause. I don’t think I can take any more shit, I really don’t.

Please tell me it isn’t so bad?

For many it isn't bad

For most of those who have it bad , HRT will fix it

You can help yourself too - get your weight under control exercise , and eat healthy as these all improve symptoms for most people

OP I have started taking the Health and Her supplements but I'm 47 and my cycle has only really gone haywire in the last six months.

I feel ok for the most part, but it is worth looking at your lifestyle and building healthy habits now because that will help you deal with the changes. Healthy habits aren't just physical, if you're experiencing anxiety about the future joining some groups or chatting to health experts will help.

I always think there's a huge gap in the market for a 'What's Happening to Me?' style book like the ones you get for the kids when they're starting puberty for the 40-somethings! However you can look at things like the Balance app or look up Dr Louise Newson for helpful information. For someone that's had a tough time with your mental health in the past it's worth arming yourself with some knowledge so you can effect some strategies if you need to.

You'll have good days and bad days like all of us, but you'll get through it. 💐💐

It’s different for everyone, I was lucky and sailed through it, no hrt. I’m over 60.
I’d like to think that keeping active, I used to run regularly, made a difference.
However, for many women it is difficult and they are the ones we tend to know about.
If you don’t exercise I would recommend trying to fit some in most days, if nothing else it’s good for mental health which makes you better able to cope with life in general.

It's different for everyone. My advice would be to go on HRT as soon as your symptoms start ( if they do)

I 'soldiered on' and its my biggest regret. HRT totally removed the rage and anxiety, panic attacks etc that I had been trying to treat with natural remedies. All these symptoms are caused by depleted oestrogen. I lost my job of over 20 years because the lack of sleep and the huge effort to keep my anciety at bay impacted not my performance but my ability to keep my mouth shut when others weren't performing. I got labelled 'difficult' after a totally blameless and highly successful career. It still makes me sad.

I've had a pretty bad perimenopause and menopause but nothing compared to what some women suffer. I have friends who literally haven't noticed it at all.

It has been absolutely fine for me- but obviously some people do have a very bad time. I think it's important to have more balanced coverage of the issue: I used to dread it, just fully expecting I would have the most awful time, and living in fear of when it would all start.

In actual fact, I stayed on the mini pill until I was 53 due to a lifetime of horrendous period pains. When the doctor "persuaded" me to come off the minipill it became apparent that the menopause had happened- and I hadn't even been aware of it (55 now and no period since).

I have slept poorly for about 5 years- very light sleep, frequent but short wakings. I also have the old brain fog/ forgetfulness (is this just old age rather than menopause???) and joint aches and pains ( also old age?? who knows??); bit of stubborn weight....and that has been it.

No hot flushes, no mood swings. No erratic bleeding. Nothing debilitating. No HRT necessary. I'm grateful: my life is grim in plenty of other ways.

It is not necessarily something to be afraid of, but who knows if it will effect you badly or not. I personally didn’t really notice anything, other than my periods got lighter and further apart and finally stopped. I think being post menopause is brilliant.

I have found though, when I have dared to say anything previously, about it not being this horrendous experience for everyone, that I am shut down and accused of minimising whereas I am just saying it is not bad for everyone. But then it leaves primarily the ones having difficulties commenting and no balance, as I have certainly learnt to keep quiet about my lack of suffering on threads like this, I just felt I would today.

I'm 38 and in premature menopause. To be honest, it's been dreadful. I won't go into details but its been a very, very tough year for everyone in my life.
If you feel yourself slipping, straight to GP. There will be help available. I have a lovely GP who checks in on me every week and sees me every fortnight for blood tests to see if we can get HRT combo right. No luck so far but we keep trying. I'm on waiting list for the specialist menopause clinic too.
I think there are various risk factors. When i had DD I had severe PND which was becoming psychosis. I'd never had any mental health issues before so it's quite obvious my body does not cope with hormonal fluctulations at all.
I've been praying for Nicola. Without projecting my own experience, I can absolutely understand what she was going through.

And 'keeping active' doesn't help. I went to the gym 5 times a week throughout and I was still in a bad way. It simply effects women in different ways.

It's by no means terrible for everyone. I had nothing more than feeling a bit warm sometimes and slightly oddly "cold flushes" where I got very shivery. No mood swings, no other issues. I didn't need HRT, basically my periods just stopped, which as they were always heavy and painful was a massive relief.

An awful menopause is not inevitable.

No one knows until they go through it. For me peri was similar to how it's being reported Nicola Bulley is experiencing. For my mum she woke up one day, periods stopped and that was it. No two menopauses are the same, keep an open discourse with your GP about it though and arm yourself with information

I'm 52, and haven't had too much hassle with it. I'm still getting the odd period, and the odd night sweat but nothing that makes me panic. I've got a Mirena however to deal with heavy bleeding and the GP did explain that it would help so maybe it is.

I am also a bit about all of the menopause media attention - it feels like just another stick to be beaten with because you're a woman espeicially in terms of employability.

HRT. Prior to this couldn’t sleep. Woke up with hot flushes/ cold shivers. So much better now

It’s different for everyone, but for me it was just a few years of very heavy periods, and hot sweats. Mood swings were actually far better then they were before it started. No HRT and very far from debilitating.

Agree. Because on the flip side, I am really not as active as I should be and sailed through it.

It’s different for everyone and there’s no way of knowing.

I’ve been incredibly lucky. I had a very early menopause (early 40s) and sailed through it. I had awful headaches for about a year as my periods fizzled out and stopped, coinciding with those periods, but literally no other symptoms since. The only difference now is that I put on weight much more easily and find it hard to lose it, and I sleep much less.

Agree with @Badger1970 and I am the same age. Still waiting for meno, no symptoms- I wouldn’t worry about it until you have to, life is too short…

I think you might have unaddressed anxiety if you are worrying about this at 38 as hopefully it is 8-10 years away. I would be focussing on that right now.

However, if you know you are sensitive to hormones e.g. if you had PMS, PND post partum psychosis (I had all three..!) then you may be more vulnerable to the hormonal chances at menopause so in a few years do your research on HRT etc. and find a good and supportive GP/nurse practitioner (the one at my surgery is fantastic and really knows her stuff). It's nothing to be afraid of as there is so much you can do to manage it.

I'm late 50's. I have the occasional hot flush and absolutely nothing else. I realise I may be extremely fortunate, but apart from my periods stopping and the occasional flush, that's been it for me

Have a look at the menopause board on here.

You need to read up on it or watch the Davina programmes. There's lots if things to try pre HRT if you want to. It's different for everyone. Mine wasn't that bad, minor hot flushes, no anxiety, no fog, but I'm on HRT now because it turned out my oestrogen had been too low for many years and thus I have bone loss osteopenia.

Some women have an easy menopause and barely notice it, most have a middling menopause with some hot flushes or similar and some have a terrible menopause.
But it is like periods. Some women have easy periods with zero pain or cramps, most have a middling experience with some pain or cramps, and some have awful periods.
You tend to have similar experiences to your mum.

The best advice I've seen is to talk to your mum – how and when it was for her is likely to influence what it's like for you.

Mine was early, but fairly trivial – I've never been very hormonal (no PMT) and I just had night sweats for a few months. Well worth it to stop having periods!

I just got my first period in 3 months so maybe this is the start of it. Don't know. No other symptoms as yet. I'm 43. Could be a long hard road ahead of me or could just carry on like this with periods tailing off more.

I think a lot of it is hereditary. My mum never had any period pains, easy pregnancies and barely noticed the menopause. I've been very fortunate with the first two as well so hopefully the same with this and the same for DD in the future.

I can only give you my own experience. I didn’t have any mental health symptoms or brain fog. Very few hot flushes. I did have heavy periods. I had a late menopause at 58. I never took HRT. Apart from having periods that were so heavy they were hard to cope with at a time when I guess people thought I wouldn’t be having periods at all it wasn’t really anything to worry about. I know it’s different for everyone. Flooding in work was a nuisance.

I'm NC with mine as a result of the violent rages she had from age 42 onwards. Might have been unrelated, although she did lose her shit being told to stop taking it in her 70s, but if she was anything to go by, I should be in prison by now.

It's just a bit inconvenient to have heavier periods and I figured it wouldn't hurt to do it for the other protective factors.