Please tell me menopause is nothing to be afraid of.

[enweto]

Lots of public discourse about it at the moment.
Not just Nicola Bulley, but also discussion about whether it should be classified as a protected characteristic, whether menopause leave should be a thing, posters up in the toilets in work about the menopause.

I swear I’m getting menopause anxiety!
I’m 38. Had a really horrible 6 years mental health wise, things weren’t great anyway but lockdown was so incredibly tough. I’m just crawling my way out of that cave and finding I’m starting to make progress and feeling better, but guess what’s coming for me in the next few years - sodding menopause. I don’t think I can take any more shit, I really don’t.

Please tell me it isn’t so bad?

Blimey you don"t sound a very happy person at all?

Yes of course.

What is surprising her is to read of so many women who seem to think they have this in their 40s. That is quite young for the majority of the population.

But many women are so debilitated by it that by saying ‘I’ve sailed through it’ is actually quite dismissive. It’s like saying to people with insomnia that they sleep like a log.
I don't think it is. It's not dismissing anyone who has had a terrible time or a bad time to any degree, but it also doesn't help anyone to say it's universally terrible.

It's like breastfeeding. There's a narrative that it's really awful and hard work for everyone for weeks. That it's inevitably weeks of pain, exhaustion, mental stress and being trapped under a constantly feeding baby. Wasn't my experience at all, it was easy and straightforward and entirely stress free. Which doesn't mean I'm not completely sympathetic to any woman finding it really hard but it is OK to say some things are easy for some women.

Mine has been grim for two years before I figured out what it was and got help. I'm very vocal on sm about it to help others. The fact that you are aware of it and the symptoms mean that you should be able to recognise it before it gets to bad.
Maybe you'll have no symptoms. I feel better than I ever have since getting on the right meds x

@LeandraDear That’s interesting.

Why do you say that menopause symptoms are unusual for people in their 40s?

45-55 is the ‘usual’ age range for menopause, with 51 being the average age (NHS), but ‘menopause’ is when you have your last period, so unless it all just stops overnight, for many women their first symptoms would start in their forties.

I’m pretty sure they’re not making it up.

The only thing I regret is I didn't get HRT years earlier.
I wasted so much money on holistic shite that I just produced expensive wee.
Hormonal decline is no fucking joke it can be debilitating and without the correct management of a woman hormones life is not worth living.
It took a male nurse to suggest I try HRT for my anxiety aches vertigo constant tiredness and brain fog.
More education is needed especially of GPs who trot out the same out of date advice.

I agree. I have friends who have loads of symptoms but they haven’t (for some reason) gone down the HRT route. It’s like they’re in denial that it’s menopause? Or they’re trying to do it ‘naturally’ but it’s not working.

I don’t understand the reluctance personally.

Many many positives about your 50's as a woman. You no longer give a shit about male attention. Or people pleasing. Or running around after people who do not run around after you. Or having loads of friends...a few who really care about you are what you really need. The new selfishness gives you spare energy for actually giving more to people who are really having it tough...especially in a work context. There is a huge interest in medically supporting women with the side effects so go to the docs as soon as your periods get irregular.

I love getting older.

More education is needed especially of GPs who trot out the same out of date advice.

let's not get started on how crap we have found many of our GPs. My own personal highlight was being told I was fine and just needed some folic acid. 🙄

As the very funny Jo Brand said - did you hear the joke about HRT? You won't get it the first time.

Because some (concession: maybe even a majority) of women have challenges with peri/menop, those of us who didn't feel challenged can't state our experience, we're being cruel to say our status?

Whatever other area in life does that logic apply: people who always had a happy marriage shouldn't mention it, people who passed the driving test 1st time are being cruel, people who won the race can't talk about it? wtaf

I have almost no idea in my life who (F age 50+) is or isn't on HRT. Isn't it marvelous we have effective medications for people who need them. Modern life is a good thing.

I’ve been in peri for a year or so. Periods have become very irregular with some long gaps in between. Also stiff hands, night sweats and PMT has got worse. Then the psychological symptoms developed. I was suffering a lot with a sense of impending doom and some very dark thoughts along with awful anxiety and palpitations. It got to the point where I was waking up in terror every morning convinced that the world was going to end that day. The great news is that HRT has worked very quickly to make me feel significantly better. Hopefully you won’t suffer too badly but if you do, the treatments available are brilliant.

I'm not saying they are making it up - it's just that in my personal knowledge most were in their 50s before it all started happening.

I think the clinical advice is that anything under 45 is early. Women over 45 who are presenting with symptoms of the menopause at the GP should be offered HRT, or at least HRT should be discussed with them with an acknowledgement of what is causing their symptoms. This is what is not happening for a lot of us - no joining of the dots by GPs who prescribe antidepressants or iron tablets or something which just means women struggle and have to make repeated visits to get their issues resolved. Or take matters into their own hands and get stroppy and demanding.

I honestly don’t think it’s worth worrying about. All women across the ages have experienced it.

I had early menopause - at 43 my periods stopped. Im now 53 and I think been over it a while. I was very very grumpy for some time for no reason. Hot flushes and night sweats but not too bad. Did not feel inclined for HRT, as having had lots of fertility drugs in the past, I didn’t want more drugs.

I do have a lot of brain fog but otherwise feel perfectly okay now! It wasnt that bad at all.

I honestly don’t think it’s worth worrying about. All women across the ages have experienced it.

Well that's not quite true.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/lifeexpectancies/articles/howhaslifeexpectancychangedovertime/2015-09-09

Before 1900, the average life expectancy for a woman was under 50. It's only been in the last 100 years that women have been living for many years post menopause. For most of human history women didn't get that far, or died during their peri/menopause years.

For those finding GP’s unsympathetic I’d always recommend seeing a male Dr. This thread has shown how women tailor their opinion based on own experience. Obviously there are some great female Dr’s but personally I’ve found men in all gynae/obstetric issues to be far more sympathetic and understanding. Don’t get me started on the GP Practice nurses 🤣

Two friends, both very active, one had no problems at all, the other went on HRT as she had awful problems.

I've had flushes and some night discomfort occasionally but pretty much ok apart from terrible anxiety and some bowel issues, still have them although not quite as bad now. Started menopause 50, now 68.

It's been ok for me on the whole. I mean I doubt there's anyone who enjoys having hot flushes but it is what it is. Pregnancy wasnt a walk in the park either, although shorter than this of course. I think people like to complain a lot about stuff our grandmothers just got on with. Not that I'd have no sympathy if a friend was really struggling with sleeplessness, fogginess, flushes etc the whole run of it

Our grandmothers didn’t just get on with it though. As post above states life expectancy was short. Also whilst doing family tree I’ve come across ancestors put in asylums under the code of menopause (can’t recall term they used). I think it’s always been horrific for some just no help or understanding.

Climacteric melancholia 🤣 finally remembered what they called it

Didn't even notice it.

It varies a lot. I've gone through it and never even had a hot flush. Didn't really notice it happening. Try not to worry about it OP. Just deal with it when it happens.

I think it's really sad that posters are saying "I've been absolutely fine! Apart from the hot flushes, anxiety, thinning hair, bowel issues, loss of libido etc". That's NOT absolutely fine then, is it?

I’m just on the cusp (late 40’s) of an age where there’s less stoicism and more understanding and solutions. I think we need to bear in mind some posters who are saying it’s nothing I went through it and don’t understand all the fuss will very much be from a generation where we just had to suck it up and not talk about it. It’s only last year or so menopause has become less of a taboo subject. Of course some people do have an easy time and that may well be posters here but I looked up stats 85% don’t.