Breastfed babies at weddings?

[Lavender14]

Dh and I have been invited to a full day wedding of friends which we'd really love to go to. Problem is I'm ebf and ds will have only just turned 5 months old by then so I'm not sure how to manage a full day away from him. He will take a bottle but only VERY rarely and definitely prefers feeding from breast (he's better with wind etc when not feeding from bottle too as he has a slight tongue tie - feeding has been a challenge so im hesitant about messing with it). I also have a big oversupply so worried about the impact of not being able to feed him for a full day, I'm not sure how much of the day I'd have to miss pumping and as there's no accommodation at the venue (I've been there before) I'm not sure where I could do that other than a toilet cubicle which isn't ideal. I also find i don't get anywhere near as good a letdown when I pump compared to feeding so worried about mastitis.

When I got married we didn't have any children at our wedding. So I fully understand why people don't want babies at a wedding when they've paid for videographer etc and they're taking a seat at the table and space is precious. However we did make an exception for any breastfed babies as I had a number of friends bf at the time who wouldn't have felt able to come otherwise.

Would it be unreasonable to ask the couple if they'd allow a breastfed baby? It's not in a hotel where a grandparent could have baby nearby etc or I'd have arranged that and just nipped out to feed. If they decline (which is their choice - its their wedding) is my other option to decline the invite or what alternative would you suggest?

First time parent so just trying to plan ahead!

It's not just weddings. It's being unnecessarily excluded from all sorts of things for 18 months at a time of life when you most need human connection.

It's no kids, you just decline the invite. You had a child free wedding ffs.

There’s no harm in asking I suppose, but no kids means no kids- I wouldn’t have let you when it was my wedding

A baby is really not going to take attention away from the BRIDE at her WEDDING. Do you seriously think everyone is going to be ignoring the bride and fawning all over the baby instead?!

Like what? Who excludes you because you are BF? A wedding is different, and should be because ... it's a wedding!! And quite honestly, if you're going to have a baby, don't you expect to put some things on hold? A lot is still on hold for me, it sux sure, but I don't whinge about it (and most of that is my choice too as becomes in the too hard basket so I just don't do it).

Our wedding was recent. It wasn’t child free. We have our own 2 year old, and friends and family bought 3 year old, and two 8 month olds. Honestly, none of the four made a fuss or noise that anyone noticed and they just all blended in with the other guests.
The two youngest were definitely being breastfed, but I can’t say I noticed at all and my own Ds was breastfed until 18 ish months.

I don’t really understand child free weddings personally, the child comes as part of the package if we chose to invite their parents.

I despair I really do and I speak as a passionate bf advocate!

I'm embarrassed for you too. This is not about you and your bf baby. It is about someone else's wedding day whose wishes trump your feeding choice.

Yes you have to feed your child, but it is your choice to bf and when you choose to do so, you accept the limitations that come with it. You could have chosen to ff and give yourself more flexibility. You now want your friends to compromise their wishes, on their wedding day, to accommodate a choice you have made.

You’re a close family member of the bride or groom and have been told that there’s to be no children at the wedding and when you arrive there’s a baby of their friend. I think that’s going to ruffle a few feathers amongst the family members that couldn’t bring their children regardless of the BF being the reason.

This. No kids means no kids. People are choosing to be stupid when I look at some of these replies. Babies and children are noisy and disruptive and completely change the atmosphere. Be considerate and respect the couples wishes. If you want to have a wedding with kids, then go for it but don't ruin someone else's day based on your opinion on what is ok. Smh. 🤦‍♀️

My kids are older now, but when I had little kids it really struck me that things weren't built with them in mind. I felt like I was expected to do nothing but stay home or go to play groups until my kids reached school age. God forbid that I took a child out in public and they did anything except behave like a mini adult.

In my opinion a wedding is an event for adults. Just the way they are celebrated here (Ireland) is largely based around alcohol, loud music, conversations between guests. Yes its a "family day" but I still don't see them as an adult event. It is OK to have adult only events.

I know people complain about taking babies to restaurants or cafes etc and that's absolute bullshit in my opinion. Mams should be able to do that without judgement or scoffs and children do obviously need to learn to socialise in settings like that, but I really don't think a wedding is the place for them.

I have previously said ask OP but now agree with the others who are saying to decline with your reason and let the B&G take it from there, as was done at your own wedding. Let us know what happens.

Actually, with weddings, "no kids" sometimes means "no kids" and sometimes means "no noisy toddlers running around, you mean you don't want a night off from the baby? Of course a babe in arms can come then!".

I would just decline the invitation, it’s sounding like it’s going to be difficult for baby and they must come first.

No, don’t OP. I agree with previous posters, a card with some money will do it. If it’s no children then it’s no children.

i have always felt that on their wedding day the bride and groom's wishes came first. It's one day where they get to have things their way. If it means no children then so be it, they will understand why some people with DC won't be attending.

And if I’m being honest, this sort of thing is part of the limitations of breastfeeding- you know this when you sign up for it. For some reason people refuse to acknowledge this is a limitation and almost become offended at the thought. The reality is if they won’t take a bottle at all then they have to go everywhere with you and sometimes that means you miss out.

And sometimes it means exactly what it means, no babies, no toddlers, no children. I say this as someone who knew that her friend would have a babe in arms when I got married and included the baby on the invite. The only other child present was my 2 yr old niece. You generally know who has a child and invite them if you’re happy to have them there.

I declined a family wedding when they said no children. I had an 8month old breastfeeding and was not about to leave him somewhere. It wouldn’t have worked nor did I feel comfortable.
the bride and groom were narked about it but that’s their problem. If you say no kids you have to accept people won’t go.

I would ask them if baby was invited also, and if they say no, just decline. Very simple

This has reminded me of my friend’s wedding and one of her university friends turned up with her two uninvited children, she assumed that the whole family were invited.

This.

I'm more used to weddings that are a family affair, so I guess I'm coming from a different perspective.

I do understand excluding babies from a formal adult event. One that tends to be quiter with more involved conversation.

Why would noise and alcohol mean that OP sound be excluded, though? Yes, it's the bride and groom's choice, but as a guest, I can't see how someone else having a baby affects me. A toddler running around can quickly be a problem, but I wouldn't mind a baby.

@Confusion101 - that’s not what weddings I have been to are like. Ours was low key, afternoon tea vibe, activity out, evening meal, finished by 10pm.

That's what I said?

I'd say don't go. On either side, I'd be anxious that the baby will cry during the vows.

I also went to a wedding when I was BF. Left my son at home with my parents and pumped in all sorts of places (the motorway, portaloo at the venue). It's rare there's nowhere to pump at a wedding venue. It was doable.

Well yes, but many people (especially those without kids) don't understand that "no baby" means "no parent", and do allow babes in arms if it means a person declining the invitation.