To think dp is too harsh on 2yr old?

[Whoissit]

Please help me settle the never ending debate, sleep.

I'm perfectly fine with being told I'm the one being unreasonable but I really don't think I am.

Dp has become increasingly frustrated with dc, who is 2yrs 3months, not being able to fall asleep on his own. I keep telling him he has unrealistic expectations that aren't fair to put on dc given his age. That I remember my parents sitting with me reading a book, singing, or rubbing my head until I fell asleep in primary school. I'm getting annoyed at the constant arguments we are having about it because dp thinks dc should be able to lie down at night and just go to sleep on his own. I don't think it's unnatural for him to need soothing/comforting at night.

Once dc is asleep he may way once or twice, most the time he sleeps the whole night through.

Dp thinks I'm being too soft on him and wants to let him cry it out. I generally don't believe in doing that unless it's crucial, example being we are sleep deprived or he is. I think it's drastic measures and causes unnecessary stress to dc.

So who is being unreasonable here? It's our first child. Maybe 2 year olds all do just go to sleep on their own without a problem and I'm pandering....

Posting because I want others experience with their 2 yr old and sleeping not necessarily to bash dp!

How long are you spending sat with him waiting for him to fall asleep?

I’m a strong sleep training advocate, but I agree with you. Assuming you’re not needing to sit with them for hours or something.

It sounds like it’s working, so why change things?

Not all children are the same. I could put mine to bed and wouldn’t need to wait till they fell asleep but some children do need it.

Yes he’s being harsh. The child doesn’t understand

@Sirzy it can vary. Sometimes (although be it very rarely) he doesn't need us at all. On a good day 20/30 mins. On a bad day (which is the majority) it can be up to a hour or hr and a half.

Who does just lie down and fall asleep!

I hate cio it’s not for me but you can start giving him other means of soothing

I'm sorry what?

I thought everyone knew kittle kids needed some bedtime stories or songs or something soothing at bedtime.

Isn't it shown that kids whose parents read with them develop better language and reading skills?

Sometimes I read on here about men and their laziness/attitude and I genuinely feel like they are a different species.

with That length of time then I think maybe worth the two of you looking to work together to find an alternative approach because if it takes that long what you are doing isn’t working.

@MrsBunnyEars tbh I think it's just laziness on dps behalf. He hates the fact that it eats into our night time. And although I too find it inconvenient I recognise its not going to be forever. Dc has started asking for books to be read at night and I have to encourage dp to read to him when it's his turn to put dc to sleep. If it had it his way he'd put him in bed, close the door and happily listen to him scream for us for an hr until he passes out from hysteria

It's a difference of parenting styles. Iv never sat woth any of mine until they fell asleep. We went through bedtime routine, are/were read a story, kissed night and left to go to sleep.
One of mine would play for 30mins then go to sleep.
One like a night light thingy that shone stars on ceiling.

One like to sing to themselves.

Yeah having read your DP approach he needs to get a grip that sounds awful

He will need some help falling asleep, but i wouldn't be sitting there for an hour and a half . Story , quiet song sit with him for 5 mins leave the room .

I'm not sure if it helps but we still sit with our 9 year old till he's asleep and I know a fair few other parents who still do, at least on occasion! Yes it is frustrating but it's parenting!

I agree. If he is still napping it would be a good time to drop it. Other wise you needs 3 ‘runs’ a day like a high energy dog. My children are like this.

@Sirzy I do agree the hr plus night times are ridiculous and it does feel like it shouldn't be taking this long but then it does work. Dc doesn't try to get up or out of bed, so really it's not a hassle. But he does require constant rubbing or patting

So if it's taking up to an hour, he is either getting too late a nap, too much day time sleep or simply your presence is distracting him.

I stayed with my son until he was 2.5 years old. Only stopped staying in the room because one night I was ill so had to make excuses and leave before he was asleep. He was fine with it and so I did the same the next night and just phased it out from there.

He went from being awake for an average of 40mins (often an hour) to asleep within ten mins of me leaving the room. I was definitely distracting him. Even though all I was doing was lying silently in the dark!

I would go in to DS if he cried, but I do leave him to fall asleep (2 years 2 months.)

There is middle ground. Settle for agreed time then leave. Give 5 mins and go back in if crying, resettle then leave again and keep repeating.
To me it's an important skill to learn to self settle.

YANBU.

I’m extremely fortunate in that my DS actually does just lie down and go to sleep. BUT that’s because we did sleep training at 6 months and been consistent ever since (now 21 months).

I would not sleep train a 2 year old with controlled crying personally. I think at this age all you can do is keep a consistent routine and not pander to additional requests (another story, another drink etc).

We sit with both ds1 who is 7 shortly and ds2 who is 2.5. I enjoy it, we alternate nights with either one: we’ve found it’s the time of day where ds1 opens up about his day at school and things which have happened and asks questions. Neither take long to go off - tonight they were both upstairs for 7:45 and asleep by 8:30

Your DP sounds horrible if he’d really be willing to close the door for an hour and leave his child to be distressed to the point of hysteria.

Think you need some kind of gentle gradual retreat plan. A story cd worked for us with DCs that age, they didn’t like the silence when we left the room at bedtime but were happy with a CD at low volume.

My DS is about the same age as yours and doesn’t go to sleep on his own. I don’t have a problem with it and will continue to sit with him until he is asleep for as long as he wants that comfort (obviously that doesn’t extend to limitless stories or other sleep delaying tactics, just been there with him).

An hour is ridiculous. Story in bed, nightlight on, kiss goodnight and maybe some switch on some music or an audio storybook. Then leave! Promise to pop up in 20 mins and do so. But briefly.

I don’t think there is anything at all wrong in comforting a child as they fall asleep. However if it’s taking 1-1.5 hours for him to doze off you might need to make some adjustments to his routine, or his nap if he still has one.

Want to add that we have a solid routine. Teeth, PJ's, story, song and tuck in, night night and leave. Same every night so he knows what to expect.

He sometimes asks for me to stay now that he's a bit older. I have his brother to deal with now though so I give one of his teddies a big hug and tell him he can hug the teddy to feel my hug. Seems to work for him.