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AIBU?

To ask my 18 year old for board.

322 replies

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 20:18

He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already.

He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference.

Vote away, vipers.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

IrritableCowSyndrome · 17/02/2023 15:00

... following on from my last post.

Having said all that, I didn't take any money off him when he was at college or uni.

He's had a couple of times when he's had no work, so I obviously don't take any money off him then either.

sealon82 · 17/02/2023 15:02

£80 per month is reasonable. Tell him to grow up and that throwing a paddy at his age is ridiculous.

BG2015 · 17/02/2023 15:04

My son is on an apprenticeship, it's not great money so I'm not charging him board until his training has finished.

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 15:51

Ooh some folk are getting really frothy. He is 18 yes. He has a really good part time job at well over minimum age that is outing to say what it actually is. He works enough to earn what he does but still smashes his A levels, currently predicted A*s. He works lots more in the holidays as he loves the job (that I suggested he applied for as it will help career prospects.)

Suggesting I won't see my Grandchildren because I asked him for £20 a week board is the best thing I've ever seen on here 😂

As mentioned I hadn't realised CB continues for a while so that's really good to know.

Calling you all vipers is an old Mumnset thing.

OP posts:
GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 15:52

To further clarify he is at COLLEGE he isnt a SCHOOLBOY!

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/02/2023 15:53

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 15:52

To further clarify he is at COLLEGE he isnt a SCHOOLBOY!

He is still in EDUCATION though.

Undertheoldlindentree · 17/02/2023 15:54

People just aren't reading this correctly. OP would be getting very different replies if had asked 'AIBU to ask my sixth-former to pay board?'

Newnamenewme23 · 17/02/2023 16:12

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 15:52

To further clarify he is at COLLEGE he isnt a SCHOOLBOY!

No difference.

doing a’ levels, whether that is year 12 and 13 at a SCHOOL, or sixth form COLLEGE, it’s exactly the same thing.

he’s doing a’levels. He’s school age. If he is in full time education and under 19, it doesn’t matter where he’s doing a’levels, he is not an independent adult- as evidence by the fact you will get CB and any other benefits until he starts uni.

will he be able to do the same job at uni?

Sep200024 · 17/02/2023 16:33

COLLEGE 😂😂

You mean a child. In education. That you get child benefit for because, you know, he’s a child 🤦🏻‍♀️

Needmorelego · 17/02/2023 16:38

I went to 'college'....it was called '6th Form College' 🤣🤣🤣

StanFransDisco · 17/02/2023 16:42

@GenderCriticalTrumpets you said you'll stop paying for his phone when he's 18 so he's clearly 17. You sound singularly unpleasant

Itisbetter · 17/02/2023 17:13

Do you actually need his money if you are claiming CB for him?

LatteLady · 17/02/2023 17:30

It amuses me to see the clutching of pearls that happens when parents suggest paying for room and board, yet with their next breath they ask when they will get their inheritance from their parents. When I had my first job at 18, I took home £120 per month and gave my mother £30 a month, so 25% of my salary. It made a real difference to her and I was glad to be able to pay it. So yes, OP, charge him because he would have to pay anywhere else that he lived and it is good practice for later life... and I would be looking at cutting out paying for clothes, phones and toiletries.

bringincrazyback · 17/02/2023 17:31

o/p has said she needed the money to replace the CB she will lose when he turns 18

This was what I based my response around. Agree it's different if the OP will be able to continue claiming CB.

However, that doesn't change my opinion that some posters on this thread seem to lack understanding of real financial need.

Blendiful · 17/02/2023 17:34

This is how we learn to be adults. So perfectly fine. Child benefit stops because as an adult you should be paying your way. £80 a month out of 800-900 is nothing. Give him the choice, £80 board, or, buy his own food/bills will cost more than £80 a month!!

Katyrosebug · 17/02/2023 17:36

I started working at 16 strait from school, I earned about £750 after tax and had to give my mum £250 a month, I think £80 is fine

Itisbetter · 17/02/2023 18:03

For me if I was in real financial need I’d sit my children down and ASK them to help, not charge them board.

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 17/02/2023 18:11

CB won’t stop until he’s no longer in secondary education not the day he turns 18.

I’ve told my eldest (12) he’ll have to pay board when he’s working and not in education so he’s decided he’s going to move in with his Dad full time 🤷🏻‍♀️

WeAreBorg · 17/02/2023 18:42

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 15:51

Ooh some folk are getting really frothy. He is 18 yes. He has a really good part time job at well over minimum age that is outing to say what it actually is. He works enough to earn what he does but still smashes his A levels, currently predicted A*s. He works lots more in the holidays as he loves the job (that I suggested he applied for as it will help career prospects.)

Suggesting I won't see my Grandchildren because I asked him for £20 a week board is the best thing I've ever seen on here 😂

As mentioned I hadn't realised CB continues for a while so that's really good to know.

Calling you all vipers is an old Mumnset thing.

Mate… he’s a schoolboy. He’s studying full time and his science A levels are really difficult. He might be “smashing” them but he’s not likely to do well if he’s exhausted from revising etc. and working part time on top. He’s saving up for Uni bless him, he’s allowed to buy a pizza ffs.

Im assuming you’re working full time and also studying or working successfully on another job on the side yeah? I don’t think the £80 is totally unreasonable FWIW you just don’t seem to appreciate what a gem of a boy you have and that makes me feel sad for him.

Itisbetter · 17/02/2023 18:51

Maybe he was feeding himself because you were asking to behave more like a lodger? Perhaps he thinks it cuts both ways?

CocoFifi · 17/02/2023 18:54

£80 a month is nothing. He needs to learn the value of money and that you don’t get something for nothing.

ChildcareIsBroken · 17/02/2023 19:21

Because you're struggling you're not being unreasonable. But maybe you could make him contribute differently. You said you want him to pay his phone bill, that's a good start.
Are there other things you're covering for him that he could take over and it would make a difference? Like clothes?
If not I think £80 a month is not unreasonable.

I8toys · 17/02/2023 19:26

YABVU I would never take from my child who was going to University. As long as they are in education, everything they earn between terms etc is there's to fund their lifestyle.

JazbayGrapes · 17/02/2023 19:37

Your child is not responsible to reimburse you for the loss of child benefit.
But you need to be honest - you're struggling, he's earning. He could contribute towards food and utilities. Show him the bills.

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 19:57

Good Lord almighty there are some ridiculous responses on this thread. I haven't said anything about how proud I am of him or how much I love him because it isn't relevant and it should go without saying? I'm unpleasant because I've asked for board? Bonkers.

@WeAreBorg DS is that you?! Ironically I have 2 jobs, and I'm currently doing a Postgraduate course. So yes I'm aware of how tough things can be so that's why I support him as much as I do. When I did A levels I also paid board and didn't moan. How do you know he's a gem he could be the world's biggest pain in the arse?

I appreciate everyone taking the time to reply - love the idea of showing him a spreadsheet of financial stuff to let him know I'm not spending the cash on handbags and my nails doing.

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