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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my 18 year old for board.

322 replies

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 20:18

He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already.

He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference.

Vote away, vipers.

OP posts:
paintingwithcampbells · 16/02/2023 20:53

My 18yo ds brings that much in a month and pays £120 in board quite happily. He himself increased it from £100 as a COL increase.

As it happens he is moving out soon to give independent living a go, but he never once raged at the idea of contributing financially to the household, with a token sum. Your son is BU, imo.

LlynTegid · 16/02/2023 20:55

I might quibble at the amount, but the basis of contributing, agree with the OP.

gogohmm · 16/02/2023 20:55

If he's at college you can claim child benefit unless you earn too much. I think it's unfair to take money from him in that situation

Growlybear83 · 16/02/2023 20:57

I would never have taken anything off my daughter at that stage in her life.

bikiniisland · 16/02/2023 20:58

I don't understand people who don't expect working adults to contribute to their own living costs. Why on earth not?

I didn't charge mine because we managed without doing so and it gave them both the opportunity to save towards buying their first home.

I appreciate OP is in a different position and actually think £80 is more then reasonable.

I do wonder though, when you say you 'don't understand', if you actually just can't be bothered to think about the variables involved.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 16/02/2023 21:00

80 a month is nothing. Tell him he can buy his own food otherwise and let him see how that works out!

iPreferBooks · 16/02/2023 21:00

If you're in a tough financial position then surely once he's at uni he will probably qualify for the maximum maintenance loan plus some sort of bursary for low income households.

Its great that he's saving but £80 a month definitely seems reasonable to ask from him.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/02/2023 21:01

Whilst still in education, no, I wouldn't charge.

Once he is through his education and further study, then yes. 20% of take home pay.

jmh740 · 16/02/2023 21:01

Why is he livid?
Why doesn't he think he should be contributing?

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 16/02/2023 21:02

Given the massive amount household living costs have shot up by, taking a mere 10% of his wages as board is an absolute bargain.

When I was saving up my parents asked for 25%. My son pays 20% and he volunteered it. He's still got between £720-£820 a month.

Weirdknor · 16/02/2023 21:03

Yanbu and I'd not be very impressed at him being livid, it's a small amount you're asking for.

WombatsAndGumTrees · 16/02/2023 21:03

I don't charge mine while in full time study but I would if they were in full time work. If you really need him to contribute, that's just how it is. Why 80 when the payment you are losing is 60 though?

Newnamenewme23 · 16/02/2023 21:05

thirstyformore · 16/02/2023 20:37

I don't understand people who don't expect working adults to contribute to their own living costs. Why on earth not? How many adults have £900 a month to spend on themselves? I don't, and I earn a very decent salary!!

If he is genuinely saving money for living costs for uni then if you can afford it you might want to let him live rent free to help with the savings. If he's out every night and buying designer trainers I'd definitely be charging rent.

He’s 18, still at school/college, presumably doing a’levels as he’s aiming for Uni in sept.

hardly an “adult”. And not an adult living a semi independent lifestyle with a full time job, who just hasn’t moved out yet.

the kid is saving, and already has a good chunk for uni. Presumably he’s pt, so must be putting in some hours around his studies to be bringing in 900-1000.

he’s going to be taking in student loans and paying his own accommodation and study cost soon. He’ll need every penny. Presumably o/p has no plans to contribute to his studies.

also o/p won’t lose child benefit until he goes away in September, when she no longer has him at home. So unfair to ask him to cover this loss of child benefit.

Newnamenewme23 · 16/02/2023 21:06

WombatsAndGumTrees · 16/02/2023 21:03

I don't charge mine while in full time study but I would if they were in full time work. If you really need him to contribute, that's just how it is. Why 80 when the payment you are losing is 60 though?

She won’t be losing anything as he’s still in education.

Datgal · 16/02/2023 21:06

Very ungrateful. It's a good and necessary lesson to learn in life in my opinion.

BornFreeButinChains · 16/02/2023 21:07

Op have you ever shown him the families out going and stuff?

We have a spread sheet and show dc it.
They will know our finances and will know if we ask them for board why and where its going..
I think context is really important and if a family hasnt been open about money before it can almost seem hurtful to be hit for bills at 18...

ForgottenNurseryRhymes · 16/02/2023 21:07

£80 per month is nothing in the real world, it would help prepare him for university. He'd still be able to save, just £80 less per month. Life costs.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 16/02/2023 21:09

More than fair. He needs to get a grip.

Mojoj · 16/02/2023 21:13

Of course he should be contributing to the cost of running the house. It's a no brainer. He's an adult. Welcome to the world of grown ups where everyone pays their way.

woodhill · 16/02/2023 21:19

240 a month is too much imo

My ds gives me less and he is on at least 20K and is older

woodhill · 16/02/2023 21:20

£80 a month is fine

I didn't see update 😀

Newnamenewme23 · 16/02/2023 21:23

Mojoj · 16/02/2023 21:13

Of course he should be contributing to the cost of running the house. It's a no brainer. He's an adult. Welcome to the world of grown ups where everyone pays their way.

He’s still at school and o/p gets child benefit!

MadamArcati99 · 16/02/2023 21:28

jmh740 · 16/02/2023 21:01

Why is he livid?
Why doesn't he think he should be contributing?

Because he is in sixth form and she is getting child benefit to support him!

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 16/02/2023 21:29

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 20:18

He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already.

He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference.

Vote away, vipers.

Tell him to go and find elsewhere to live for £80pw, with all the presumed pros he gets from living at home. Cheeky fucker.

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 16/02/2023 21:31

All the posters saying they wouldn't charge him, why shouldn't he pay board? I paid my mum 100-150pw when I worked full time and lived at home.

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