Page 13 | To ask my 18 year old for board.

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 2023-02-16T20:18:25+00:00

He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already. He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference. Vote away, vipers.

Kladebs · 22/02/2023 15:15

@Needmorelego its £20 a week though, its not exactly covering the household bills and supporting the whole household.
I think people are being way over dramatic when you look at how much they're earning vs how much they're being asked to pay.

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 15:23

@Kladebs yes I know it's only £20 a week. But the original point the OP made was she wanted him to pay board to make up for the loss of Child Benefit (which she hasn't stopped receiving yet).

Kladebs · 22/02/2023 15:30

Yes, but op also said things are really tough at the moment. If they weren't earning so much, or at all, I'd agree. But it's a tiny amount really

jannier · 22/02/2023 16:07

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 12:12

@jannier that would be different circumstances and the parents should (hopefully) be entitled to other benefits on top of CB.
I don't think that applies in the OPs case.

But you do not know what her dire circumstances are ....and I know working people not eligible but unable to heat and eat......
18 is not legally a child no matter what education they are in....he's old enough to vote, drink and leave education so being aware of family finances and helping is not unreasonable. Treating him like a 14 year old is madness

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 16:30

@jannier maybe then it should be she doesn't charge him board as in money towards bills but basically make him in financially in charge of of everything he requires including food (stop cooking him meals).
He can use the cooking facilities, washing facilities etc
So if he wants to eat he buys his food and cooks it. He wants clean clothes he buys his own washing powder and does it himself. Wants a mobile phone, Netflix, whatever - he pays for his own accounts.
The £80 a month Child Benefit she still recieves can be his contribution toward the council tax, electric, gas, water bills.

Sep200024 · 22/02/2023 16:35

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 16:30

@jannier maybe then it should be she doesn't charge him board as in money towards bills but basically make him in financially in charge of of everything he requires including food (stop cooking him meals).
He can use the cooking facilities, washing facilities etc
So if he wants to eat he buys his food and cooks it. He wants clean clothes he buys his own washing powder and does it himself. Wants a mobile phone, Netflix, whatever - he pays for his own accounts.
The £80 a month Child Benefit she still recieves can be his contribution toward the council tax, electric, gas, water bills.

So ridiculous.

I don’t know what sort of families people live in, that you would stop including a 17 year old in family meals.

How the hell is that going to work?

”sorry buddy, all gone, but you will be allowed use of the kitchen later”

😂😂

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 16:48

@Sep200024 well I wouldn't. I wouldn't even consider it.
But it seems many on this thread seem to think a young person still at school should be paying 'board' so this would be a halfway solution.
But personally I wouldn't.

Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 17:09

jannier · 22/02/2023 13:27

So better he's homeless starving or freezing .....many would be sending him to work next year not uni.....the realities in this country is we have working parents who are living in poverty and we've always had 16 year olds working and having their own families. Nobody is saying it's ideal but we do what we need to do for all to survive....the government needs to sort stuff out but they won't.

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We had 16 year olds having to work when school leaving age was 16, before that’s we had 14 year old leaving home to go to work because parents needed their income ( my grandmother couldn’t go to grammar school despite passing her 11plus because her family needed her to go into service for her wages at 14). Before that poor children were often working at 8 or younger
🤦‍♀️
this is called progress . Thank goodness. It is also the law.

Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 17:13

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 13:43

@Newlifestartingatlast the leaving age has never been raised to 18.
In England the recommendation (as in there's no legal consequences if none of these happen) is -
Stay at school or college and do A-Levels or alternative/equivalent qualification.
Do an apprenticeship.
Work or volunteer at least 20 hours a week while part time studying.
So with the third option a 16/17 year old could work full time (40 hours a week) while taking a college course for an hour each week. They could drop the college class and there would be zero consequences.
The statutory school leaving age is still 16.

Right, I looked this up at time of post and yes I realise I hadn’t said it correctly. Point is though they have to be in some form of education. That education is a “secondary “ form of education- not tertiary. That was point I was making. It isn’t optional. It is the law. An 18 year old can’t drop out of college legally. What sort of parent wants to drop the bar so low for their own child’s future to demand they work full time and hope they’ll be zero consequences - right, you mean no legal consequences? What about the consequences on the child in terms of opportunity and potential

Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 17:18

Stomacharmeleon · 22/02/2023 14:02

@Newlifestartingatlast that's very difficult to regulate and I say that as a teacher. If a child leaves during sixth form to work at say, Wetherspoons, as my second son did there is nothing the school can do about it apart from advise not to.
My my ex neighbour. None of her children were accessing 6th form. They could barely access school and they live in varying supported accommodation/ living.
It's really sad. She has over 10 children. Is known to SS and does it every time. As soon as she loses cash they go. She isn't the only one who does it where I live either.

I know this happens
but I’m responding to a poster who is asking her son for £80 a month and posting for whether this is reasonable. No it is not reasonable for a parent to do this.
there may not be legal consequences in practice, but as a parent our job is to ensure we give our children opportunities and enable them to reach their full potential in life. Sure, some parents don’t give a shit, but the fact poster is asking implies she isn’t shit and realises that it’s a bit dodgy and asking for advice. The shit parents won’t post here

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 17:30

@Newlifestartingatlast yes there is no legal consequences of dropping out of 6th Form/College. All that happens is Child Benefit and other related benefits parents recieve will stop.
In terms of future potential though. I know one young man who 'dropped out' of college barely a few weeks into the first year (so he was 16). He already had a weekend job in a shop. They offered him working full time. Long story short he is now age 22 and the assistant manager.

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 17:31

@Newlifestartingatlast oh and it's "Education or Training". Not just education.

orchid220 · 22/02/2023 17:38

When I read your OP, I thought your DS was on gap year so it seemed reasonable to charge. Having realised he's actually school aged, doing A levels, and you are receiving child benefit, I have changed my mind. It's not normal for parents to take money off their children if they're still at school. If you really need money, I would ask him if you can borrow some and then give it back to him when your circumstances change.

Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 18:01

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 17:31

@Newlifestartingatlast oh and it's "Education or Training". Not just education.

🤦‍♀️what’s training if it’s not education doh

Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 18:02

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 17:30

@Newlifestartingatlast yes there is no legal consequences of dropping out of 6th Form/College. All that happens is Child Benefit and other related benefits parents recieve will stop.
In terms of future potential though. I know one young man who 'dropped out' of college barely a few weeks into the first year (so he was 16). He already had a weekend job in a shop. They offered him working full time. Long story short he is now age 22 and the assistant manager.

Oh, great, 1 young man you know. That’s ok then 🤦‍♀️

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 18:24

@Newlifestartingatlast well I know a few more who were able to essentially skip the 6th Form bit and go straight into actual jobs. A lot of the time it was meant to be temporary. College course didn't work out so they 'drop out' with plans of starting again next academic year - but once they were in a full time job they never bothered to go back.
I suppose yes training is education but being in an adult working environment while learning on the job is very different to going to school for A-Levels. Very different environments and experiences.

jannier · 22/02/2023 18:29

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 16:30

@jannier maybe then it should be she doesn't charge him board as in money towards bills but basically make him in financially in charge of of everything he requires including food (stop cooking him meals).
He can use the cooking facilities, washing facilities etc
So if he wants to eat he buys his food and cooks it. He wants clean clothes he buys his own washing powder and does it himself. Wants a mobile phone, Netflix, whatever - he pays for his own accounts.
The £80 a month Child Benefit she still recieves can be his contribution toward the council tax, electric, gas, water bills.

What are you on about? If you can't afford electric he can't wash or cook can he? Who's going to say anything like this? The young man has more to himself than I've ever had in my life, at Uni he's going to have to pay for everything and learn to budget why not now when instead of being self centred he can learn how to help out and work as a family team as well as that life costs

jannier · 22/02/2023 18:35

Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 17:09

We had 16 year olds having to work when school leaving age was 16, before that’s we had 14 year old leaving home to go to work because parents needed their income ( my grandmother couldn’t go to grammar school despite passing her 11plus because her family needed her to go into service for her wages at 14). Before that poor children were often working at 8 or younger
🤦‍♀️
this is called progress . Thank goodness. It is also the law.

Show quote history

He's 18 and already earning a lot of money. Nobody is saying he should give up his education but humanity says you don't fill your bank and watch your parents struggle and go without saying I'm all right mate and by the way feed me, keep me warm etc while I stash every penny....no body should be brought up to be so horrible and self centred. He could walk out of education now.....I have worked with 15 year olds who don't go to school and are not made to by SS or anyone else.

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 18:37

@jannier as the legal age for starting part time work is 13 would you expect a 13 year old to helping with the family finances?

jannier · 22/02/2023 18:38

Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 18:02

Oh, great, 1 young man you know. That’s ok then 🤦‍♀️

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Lots of young people schools can't do anything all that happens is parents lose benefits kids often sit on backsides living off parents who cant get them to look for work. Even before this the fines are often not enforced because parents are on benefits and can't pay.

jannier · 22/02/2023 18:42

Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 17:18

I know this happens
but I’m responding to a poster who is asking her son for £80 a month and posting for whether this is reasonable. No it is not reasonable for a parent to do this.
there may not be legal consequences in practice, but as a parent our job is to ensure we give our children opportunities and enable them to reach their full potential in life. Sure, some parents don’t give a shit, but the fact poster is asking implies she isn’t shit and realises that it’s a bit dodgy and asking for advice. The shit parents won’t post here

Show quote history

The op isn't asking the son to give up education but to help contribute as her earns so much and she is struggling...I'm not sure why you keep on about leaving education.

Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 18:46

@jannier if the OP is in such a bad situation that she can't afford electricity etc then she does need to sit her son down and talk to him. Make it clear what the situation is and ask him for help.
But I get the impression from the OPs posts that the family isn't in such a situation. Surely her son would be aware and would be helping.
If that is the situation and he isn't helping out then he is a selfish arse who I would chuck out.