To ask my 18 year old for board.

[GenderCriticalTrumpets]

He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already.

He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference.

Vote away, vipers.

[Gair]

Hi GenderCriticalTrumpets!

I applaud you wanting to help your child learn good life lessons before he flies the nest, but I find the way you are going about it a bit counterproductive.

You have obviously raised him to be ambitious, hardworking and focused. He is aiming for uni, works a lot of extra hours on top of studies to make that amount of money and is saving for his future uni costs.

At this point, he will be under increasing pressure with studies since exams will be on soon (if A Levels or the like), so personally, I would prioritise supporting him through this time to ensure his best chance of success. Lots of life lessons and independence skills should have already been taught by now, including budgeting, cooking and housework. If they have not, I would prioritise that over causing family upset over £80 a month.

If the £80/month is the difference between sink and swim for your household, then I would explain that to him backed up by the numbers (as suggested by other PP too). I would probably explain what extras (mobile etc) I couldn't afford to pay for any more, and see if that would offset the £80. I would also reduce time spent cleaning/doing laundry/cooking for him and use it to earn money to help the family budget (unless you have a health condition/disability/other caring responsibilities that makes that impossible).

I can understand you wanting to instill financial responsibility in him, but the sudden demand might have felt like a smash and grab to him.

Hopefully you can try to mend this rift with your son by communicating the whys of your £80/month charge, so that he understands why it is necessary (family budget issues & improving his life skills). If it is not financially necessary, I think your timing is really off considering exam term will be upon him soon, and family support can make a lot of difference at this time. I assume that one life lesson you do not want to teach him is that it's ok for a parent to put the boot in when child is working hard and trying his best.

[Raindancer411]

I wouldn't ask if he is saving for uni, but if you are desperate just ask the £60 you are short

[bringincrazyback]

As always on this type of thread, it's all very well for some posters to loftily announce that they'd never dream of charging their kids, but it doesn't seem to occur to them that the OP might need the money. It's not about wanting to profit from one's kids, it's about reasonable expectations of help with household costs.

Not read all the replies, OP, so this may have already been suggested, but it sounds like it's time for your DS to start learning about the cost of living, and paying you some board seems a good place to start. If he's old enough to be working, he's old enough to understand a few realities.

[Ylvamoon]

As always on this type of thread, it's all very well for some posters to loftily announce that they'd never dream of charging their kids, but it doesn't seem to occur to them that the OP might need the money. It's not about wanting to profit from one's kids, it's about reasonable expectations of help with household costs

I agree, FT working adult DC should be contributing to household finances.
How else are they going to learn how to budget, save and work out that they just can't have everything on a whim!

Sadly, life isn't a big free ride with assistance from the bank of Mum & Dad!

[StanFransDisco]

@Ylvamoon FT working adult DC he's not though is he he's at school!

[Newnamenewme23]

@Ylvamoon

As always on this type of thread, it's all very well for some posters to loftily announce that they'd never dream of charging their kids, but it doesn't seem to occur to them that the OP might need the money. It's not about wanting to profit from one's kids, it's about reasonable expectations of help with household costs

I agree, FT working adult DC should be contributing to household finances.
How else are they going to learn how to budget, save and work out that they just can't have everything on a whim!

Sadly, life isn't a big free ride with assistance from the bank of Mum & Dad!

This kid is still at school though, working PT around a levels.

o/p will receive child and other benefits for him until he goes to Uni in sept.

an adult working full time- yes should be contributing.

a school aged 17 year old still in full time education saving for uni? No.

o/p has said she needed the money to replace the CB she will lose when he turns 18- only doesn’t seem to realise CB is paid until he leaves for uni and doesn’t stop on his 18th birthday.

[Sep200024]

Jesus.

THE BOY IS STILL IN SCHOOL.

[bikiniisland]

@Raindancer411

I wouldn't ask if he is saving for uni, but if you are desperate just ask the £60 you are short

OP isn't short though.

[Scarlettpixie]

i probably wouldn’t charge board if he was still in education. I would be happy that he could fund his own spends, phone, clothes etc though. Ds (16j costs me more than CB in those things alone.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

I think your request is more than reasonable. Our son, university/part time work, pays us and is happy to do so. Buys us the odd takeaway, too.

(Don’t see the need for the “vipers” comment?)

[bikiniisland]

@MrsSkylerWhite

I think your request is more than reasonable. Our son, university/part time work, pays us and is happy to do so. Buys us the odd takeaway, too.

(Don’t see the need for the “vipers” comment?)

OP son is not at university.

[GabriellaMontez]

@Newnamenewme23

Again, you’d really ask a sixth former to go find lodging elsewhere?

No you're right. I wrote that mistakenly thinking he was on a year out. I wouldn't ask him to leave.

I would suggest him looking at the price of the cheapest lodging/house share he can find. Because if he's indignant at having to make a financial contribution to the household, he needs to open his eyes.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

bikiniisland · Today 13:18
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 12:57
I think your request is more than reasonable. Our son, university/part time work, pays us and is happy to do so. Buys us the odd takeaway, too.”
.


(Don’t see the need for the “vipers” comment?)

“OP son is not at university.”

I know. He earns more than ours does, though so should contribute.

[Dotcheck]

@MrsSkylerWhite

But it is different- I’m assuming your son gets maintenance loan? The purpose of which is to well, maintain himself? Of course he should pay rent in those circumstances.
OPs child is saving for uni, and OP is still getting child benefit

[holierthanthou73]

Assuming you are also feeding him and doing laundry too, I think you are being more than reasonable. I’d round it up to £100 😀. For clarity I paid my parents £80 pm when I started working many many years ago and I earned just under £500 pm.

[AllTheThingsIWantAreHere]

YANBU to ask for £80 a month. That seems very generous of you

YABU to,be cleaning his room, cooking for him and doing his laundry. That's a mistake. You need to change the dynamic and stop mummy'ing him.

[Newnamenewme23]

@holierthanthou73

Assuming you are also feeding him and doing laundry too, I think you are being more than reasonable. I’d round it up to £100 😀. For clarity I paid my parents £80 pm when I started working many many years ago and I earned just under £500 pm.

When you started working?

Was this full time? Or a pt job while you were still at school?

[whattodo2019]

Certainly not!!! He's still in education. He needs to save his money for Uni.

[MadamArcati99]

For the hard of understanding
OPs SON IS A SCHOOLBOY still

[HiccupHorrendousHaddock]

With his income a 10% contribution towards the household is very reasonable.

Costs have gone through the roof, plenty of people struggle. I know my mind is very focused on the date we’ll have paid the mortgage off! What a relief that will be.

It’s irrelevant that he’s in school. The bit that matters is he’s pulling in £800-£900 a month, which expenses of basically zero, and it’s fair he chip in to the household when he can afford to.

[purser25]

Cant see any reason why he shouldn't contribute it's not much. Good for him to realise how much things cost greedy to eat a whole pizza and not offer at least a taste. Someone I knew their child saved a third gave Mum a third and had a third to spend as they liked. I thought that was a bit much.

[Newnamenewme23]

What does he do o/p to earn nearly £1k around his college work?

[Kladebs]

I think it's more than reasonable on his wage.
I'd charge my eldest if she earned that amount.
As it stands, we have a deal where she is my childcare during school holidays, and when I want to go out.
Saves me a fortune and she's still contributing

[SamphirethePogoingStickerist]

@ssd

He's done well to save but he knows he'll need it for uni.
Its not his fault you lose benefits you came to rely on.

Dont punish him for it.

If course she did. That's what it's for, FFS!

[IrritableCowSyndrome]

My son is still at home.

He earns about £600 a week before tax, so about £480 a week after tax.

He gives me £100 a week. This covers all his food (loads) including packed lunch, rent, gas, electricity, water, home insurance, council tax, Netflix, broadband, laundry service, cleaner, personal alarm clock, chauffeur at times 😊 etc!

He'd be paying a lot more than that if he left home!

To be honest I do it so that he learns the value of money.

I don't have £380 a week left for myself each week!