He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already.
He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference.
Vote away, vipers.
AIBU?
To ask my 18 year old for board.
GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 20:18
Am I being unreasonable?
738 votes. Final results.
POLLNewlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 17:18
I know this happens
but I’m responding to a poster who is asking her son for £80 a month and posting for whether this is reasonable. No it is not reasonable for a parent to do this.
there may not be legal consequences in practice, but as a parent our job is to ensure we give our children opportunities and enable them to reach their full potential in life. Sure, some parents don’t give a shit, but the fact poster is asking implies she isn’t shit and realises that it’s a bit dodgy and asking for advice. The shit parents won’t post here
Stomacharmeleon · 22/02/2023 14:02
@Newlifestartingatlast that's very difficult to regulate and I say that as a teacher. If a child leaves during sixth form to work at say, Wetherspoons, as my second son did there is nothing the school can do about it apart from advise not to.
My my ex neighbour. None of her children were accessing 6th form. They could barely access school and they live in varying supported accommodation/ living.
It's really sad. She has over 10 children. Is known to SS and does it every time. As soon as she loses cash they go. She isn't the only one who does it where I live either.
Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 18:02
Oh, great, 1 young man you know. That’s ok then 🤦♀️
Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 17:30
@Newlifestartingatlast yes there is no legal consequences of dropping out of 6th Form/College. All that happens is Child Benefit and other related benefits parents recieve will stop.
In terms of future potential though. I know one young man who 'dropped out' of college barely a few weeks into the first year (so he was 16). He already had a weekend job in a shop. They offered him working full time. Long story short he is now age 22 and the assistant manager.
Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 17:09
We had 16 year olds having to work when school leaving age was 16, before that’s we had 14 year old leaving home to go to work because parents needed their income ( my grandmother couldn’t go to grammar school despite passing her 11plus because her family needed her to go into service for her wages at 14). Before that poor children were often working at 8 or younger
🤦♀️
this is called progress . Thank goodness. It is also the law.
jannier · 22/02/2023 13:27
So better he's homeless starving or freezing .....many would be sending him to work next year not uni.....the realities in this country is we have working parents who are living in poverty and we've always had 16 year olds working and having their own families. Nobody is saying it's ideal but we do what we need to do for all to survive....the government needs to sort stuff out but they won't.
Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 13:09
Because we do not, in this country use child labour to support families for kids still in primary or secondary education.
if the family is struggling so much for the essentials , it is the parents responsibility , not their child, to sort this out.
Their child is in secondary duration for a purpose - and that’s their “job” - not supporting the rest of their family.
most families would be paying an 18 year old, still in secondary education, an allowance for personal spends, mobile phone, clothes etc…fair enough to ask him to cover these expenses himself and stop the personal allowance - aside form bare essentials like undies, basic shoes, work/school ware.
jannier · 22/02/2023 11:50
Would it be better for child to have £900 in their pocket but face homelessness because mum can't pay rent? Use a food bank? Have no heat or light? At what point would you say the 18 year old should help out?
Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 10:13
@Kladebs of course child benefit doesn't really cover the costs of raising a child - mine barely all lasts 3 days rather than a whole month.
But the point is if a parent is claiming Child Benefit it means their child is still in full time education and therefore a 'school child'. This can include 'college' up until the end of the academic year they turn 19.
Therefore they are not fully financially independent 'adults'.
Once they have left school/college I would see no problems in charging rent/board. But while at school/college doing A-Levels - no.
Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 16:30
@jannier maybe then it should be she doesn't charge him board as in money towards bills but basically make him in financially in charge of of everything he requires including food (stop cooking him meals).
He can use the cooking facilities, washing facilities etc
So if he wants to eat he buys his food and cooks it. He wants clean clothes he buys his own washing powder and does it himself. Wants a mobile phone, Netflix, whatever - he pays for his own accounts.
The £80 a month Child Benefit she still recieves can be his contribution toward the council tax, electric, gas, water bills.
Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 17:30
@Newlifestartingatlast yes there is no legal consequences of dropping out of 6th Form/College. All that happens is Child Benefit and other related benefits parents recieve will stop.
In terms of future potential though. I know one young man who 'dropped out' of college barely a few weeks into the first year (so he was 16). He already had a weekend job in a shop. They offered him working full time. Long story short he is now age 22 and the assistant manager.
Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 17:31
@Newlifestartingatlast oh and it's "Education or Training". Not just education.
Stomacharmeleon · 22/02/2023 14:02
@Newlifestartingatlast that's very difficult to regulate and I say that as a teacher. If a child leaves during sixth form to work at say, Wetherspoons, as my second son did there is nothing the school can do about it apart from advise not to.
My my ex neighbour. None of her children were accessing 6th form. They could barely access school and they live in varying supported accommodation/ living.
It's really sad. She has over 10 children. Is known to SS and does it every time. As soon as she loses cash they go. She isn't the only one who does it where I live either.
Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 13:43
@Newlifestartingatlast the leaving age has never been raised to 18.
In England the recommendation (as in there's no legal consequences if none of these happen) is -
Stay at school or college and do A-Levels or alternative/equivalent qualification.
Do an apprenticeship.
Work or volunteer at least 20 hours a week while part time studying.
So with the third option a 16/17 year old could work full time (40 hours a week) while taking a college course for an hour each week. They could drop the college class and there would be zero consequences.
The statutory school leaving age is still 16.
jannier · 22/02/2023 13:27
So better he's homeless starving or freezing .....many would be sending him to work next year not uni.....the realities in this country is we have working parents who are living in poverty and we've always had 16 year olds working and having their own families. Nobody is saying it's ideal but we do what we need to do for all to survive....the government needs to sort stuff out but they won't.
Newlifestartingatlast · 22/02/2023 13:09
Because we do not, in this country use child labour to support families for kids still in primary or secondary education.
if the family is struggling so much for the essentials , it is the parents responsibility , not their child, to sort this out.
Their child is in secondary duration for a purpose - and that’s their “job” - not supporting the rest of their family.
most families would be paying an 18 year old, still in secondary education, an allowance for personal spends, mobile phone, clothes etc…fair enough to ask him to cover these expenses himself and stop the personal allowance - aside form bare essentials like undies, basic shoes, work/school ware.
jannier · 22/02/2023 11:50
Would it be better for child to have £900 in their pocket but face homelessness because mum can't pay rent? Use a food bank? Have no heat or light? At what point would you say the 18 year old should help out?
Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 10:13
@Kladebs of course child benefit doesn't really cover the costs of raising a child - mine barely all lasts 3 days rather than a whole month.
But the point is if a parent is claiming Child Benefit it means their child is still in full time education and therefore a 'school child'. This can include 'college' up until the end of the academic year they turn 19.
Therefore they are not fully financially independent 'adults'.
Once they have left school/college I would see no problems in charging rent/board. But while at school/college doing A-Levels - no.
Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 16:30
@jannier maybe then it should be she doesn't charge him board as in money towards bills but basically make him in financially in charge of of everything he requires including food (stop cooking him meals).
He can use the cooking facilities, washing facilities etc
So if he wants to eat he buys his food and cooks it. He wants clean clothes he buys his own washing powder and does it himself. Wants a mobile phone, Netflix, whatever - he pays for his own accounts.
The £80 a month Child Benefit she still recieves can be his contribution toward the council tax, electric, gas, water bills.
Needmorelego · 22/02/2023 12:12
@jannier that would be different circumstances and the parents should (hopefully) be entitled to other benefits on top of CB.
I don't think that applies in the OPs case.
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