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To ask my 18 year old for board.

322 replies

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 20:18

He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already.

He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference.

Vote away, vipers.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Newnamenewme23 · 16/02/2023 22:18

EmbracingTheEyeBags · 16/02/2023 22:14

Sounds about right OP. I used to earn about £1200-1500 a month at around age 21 and I paid DM £120 board a month as my wages went up so did my board. But it worked out like 10% of my salary so yeah that's fair to ask for £80
Better to teach him young so he understands budgeting for later in life.
I am brilliant at budgeting, saving and generally being careful with money now I'm in my 30's and have our own home and family so fairs fair, you're both going to be helping each other out here

Did you pay board while at school though? Or just once you got a ft job?

presumably o/p’s son is saving her money having a job during a’levels anyway as he’ll be able to buy his own lunches, clothes, bits and bobs Etc.


Donkeyotey · 16/02/2023 22:20

@heckypeck That is the OP’s responsibility. She is his mother, she should support him until he has finished his education. She seems to think it is someone else’s job to feed and support him - first the government’s, and then when child benefit ends, his. Well I don’t agree with that. You either support your own children or jolly well don’t have any.

It’s hard enough for young people these days - how the hell are they meant to get on the housing ladder? At least don’t burden them when they are living with you. He’s having to work alongside his studies to earn enough to put himself through uni, which is hard enough, but to then take some of that money that he is trying to save? Ugh, he must feel so hurt, I know I would.


EmbracingTheEyeBags · 16/02/2023 22:30

Oh I didn't realise he's in school. No I don't think I started paying board until after I left college and got my first FT job


StanFransDisco · 16/02/2023 22:32

People are comparing apples and oranges though, saying well when I was earning x at 21 I gave y board. The lad is still at SCHOOL. Let him build up some money because he's sure as hell going to need it at uni.


caringcarer · 16/02/2023 22:33

I would never charge a child board whilst they are in education studying and saving for uni. If in full time work that is different. When in full time work is the time to charge board. He is trying to save so he does not come out of uni with a massive debt, and if you charge him board you are working against him saving. Surely you expected to pay for your children until they either got a full time job or went to uni?


Swiftswatch · 16/02/2023 22:33

Spoilt child becomes a manchild. @icanneverthinkofnc

Spoilt for expecting your parents to provide food, shelter and electricity when you’re still in full time education!


GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 22:40

@Donkeyotey I don't expect anyone else to pay for him when did I say that? £60 child benefit certainly doesn't pay for him - but when I lose it I will jolly well feel it.

Thanks for the support from those who have said £80 a month is fine. For those concerned he won't be able to save for University he will have at least £700 per month left over. He doesn't drive yet and doesn't need to get public transport to college. So I think he will be absolutely fine for money.

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 16/02/2023 22:41

I think it's fine as he gets quite a lot spare for spends. £80/month barely even covers food & washing. I actually think £200/month would be reasonable. He would have £700/month to himself.

It's fine for people to say they would never charge a teenager. But maybe they have more cash?


FlissyPaps · 16/02/2023 22:51

Abba123 · 16/02/2023 20:25

Welcome to the real world little boy.

Oh no, actually in the real world you’d be sleeping rough or paying £200 per week.

Little Boy? How incredibly patronising and condescending.

Why the hell do people have children if they just want to kick them out and demand they pay rent the moment they hit their 18th birthday.

The mind boggles.


StanFransDisco · 16/02/2023 22:51

@GenderCriticalTrumpets why are you asking him for board now to cover the loss of child benefit which you don't presumably lose until September?


MissTrip82 · 16/02/2023 23:07

If you need the money, you need the money.

There are lots of families that simply cannot afford to carry someone of working age.


DelphiniumBlue · 16/02/2023 23:08

TBH, £80pw would not be unreasonable, thats only £320 a month. If things are tight then needs must.
But as you are only asking £80 a month, that's more than generous.
I reckon it costs a minimum of £35 per person pw for food and groceries, that's if you are careful. It doesn't include any contribution for bills like gas, electricity ( which IME young men use a lot of) broadband, water ,council tax, or any element towards rent . Whilst it is fine for him to negotiate a bit, it is not OK for him to be "livid".

Why does he think he shouldn't have to contribute at all when he is working? Does he know that you are struggling financially?


Newnamenewme23 · 16/02/2023 23:12

MissTrip82 · 16/02/2023 23:07

If you need the money, you need the money.

There are lots of families that simply cannot afford to carry someone of working age.

He’s not “working age”. He is still at an age where he is obliged to be in full time education.

he has a part time job to save for uni. O/p is receiving the appropriate child benefits for him.

o/p is not “carrying” him. He will be taking a load off the family finances by having his own spending money, and being able to contribute significantly to uni costs.


Godlovesall26 · 16/02/2023 23:15

If you’re struggling, he should help. Unfortunately what alternative is there sometimes ?
As PP said though, I would show him a clear spreadsheet of your finances to explain, otherwise it will just seem to him like a random number (he is still 18 after all, show him why 80 and not 50 for ex)
Offer for him to do the same, and you can help him see if he can reduce his outgoings.

Its just a suggestion, but I’d think he’d be more understanding if he understands why exactly 80 is needed (food, electric, that you’re short of at the end of the month). I could understand honestly why he’s a bit unhappy at having what may seem a random amount sprung on him (fwiw my total wages went to my family, single mum depressed and younger brother and me just freaking alone, but I knew exactly where the money was going (it was on my direct debit, she was literally sitting at home doing nothing and refusing any help - yes I have full loans, but 80 a month is hugely different)


Itisbetter · 16/02/2023 23:17

Doesn’t his child benefit finish in September? It runs till the beginning of the new school year and at that point he will be away to Uni won’t he?


Lostinalibrary · 16/02/2023 23:19

The child benefit is for his upkeep. By the sounds of it op will not be supporting him at all with uni costs. He will be solely reliant on SL and any job/income he has. Uni is expensive. Parents are supposed to support their children hence why SFC use parent’s income. He will be living away, paying his own costs and his loan will not cover them. He is still in compulsory A level age education. She will save a lot more than the CHB money when she’s not feeding him and paying his share of the utilities. Asking for more is not on.


longcoffeebreak · 16/02/2023 23:29

It's not 'asking your children for money' !!
It's 'asking for a small contribution towards their living costs' Confused


TheTeenageYears · 16/02/2023 23:31

I wouldn't charge him if he's in full time education and you are getting child benefit for him. Is he going to live at home whilst at uni? When are you thinking he starts paying?


JudgeRudy · 16/02/2023 23:36

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 16/02/2023 20:23

It wouldn’t even occur to me to charge him TBH

It might though if you were struggling to pay your utility bills!No everyone has the luxury to chose to subsidise adult children.


Toomanybooks22 · 16/02/2023 23:43

£80 a month is a absolutely fine, of course he should contribute


Dotcheck · 16/02/2023 23:45

I’m confused.

You’ll lost the benefit when he leaves education, and you’ll ‘jolly well miss it’, but he’ll be at uni. If you think things are tight for you now, think about how hard it will be for students - the COL is hitting them too.

Right now, his real job is to make sure he gets the grades needed to secure his place at uni. You asking for money is setting up a situation where he would be unable to cut back on hours to focus on study if needed.

However- it seems he works quite a lot of hours. That doesn’t seem quite right for someone at college


Nh1988 · 16/02/2023 23:55

I would say 100 per month and that be that people need to learn to pay there way


LadyJ2023 · 17/02/2023 00:12

On that wage similar to mine 80 per week is fine thats what me and my 4 siblings pay, and what a bargain clean house, washed clothes, meals still etc etc so ye I won't be moving out anytime soon lol


AlwaysLatte · 17/02/2023 00:15

I wouldn't charge anything as a rule but if as you say things are tight then that's completely different and he needs to understand that. £80 a month in his case is not a lot.


Sep200024 · 17/02/2023 00:32

I don’t know why people have children if they are so desperate to be rid of the responsibility for them.

OP - this child is your responsibility. You even qualify for child benefit just to prove the fact that he is your responsibility.

How many hours a week is he working? It sounds like he is working too many for somebody that is also supposed to be studying?

No wonder he is livid that you are making life so difficult for him before he’s even had a chance to start adult life.

If I was him, I’d cut back on the hours working. Seeing as you’re going to take the money off him anyway, he’d be better off spending the time studying.

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