AIBU?
To ask my 18 year old for board.
GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 20:18
He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already.
He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference.
Vote away, vipers.
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
jmh740 · 16/02/2023 21:34
MadamArcati99 · 16/02/2023 21:28
Because he is in sixth form and she is getting child benefit to support him!
jmh740 · 16/02/2023 21:01
Why is he livid?
Why doesn't he think he should be contributing?
I'm sure the 20 a week child benefit pays for everything he needs!
Newnamenewme23 · 16/02/2023 21:34
TaRaDeBumDeAy · 16/02/2023 21:31
All the posters saying they wouldn't charge him, why shouldn't he pay board? I paid my mum 100-150pw when I worked full time and lived at home.
Because you were working full time and living at home. Did your mum charge you board while you were still at school.
this is a boy still at sixth form with a part time job saving for uni. Who o/p gets child benefit (and will also get UC if low income) for as in the eyes of hmrc/whoever he is still supported by his parents whilst in education. Big difference.
Newnamenewme23 · 16/02/2023 21:35
jmh740 · 16/02/2023 21:34
I'm sure the 20 a week child benefit pays for everything he needs!
MadamArcati99 · 16/02/2023 21:28
Because he is in sixth form and she is getting child benefit to support him!
jmh740 · 16/02/2023 21:01
Why is he livid?
Why doesn't he think he should be contributing?
O/p’s argument though is that she needs the £80 to cover the child benefit she “will
lose”.
RampantIvy · 16/02/2023 21:39
How have you lost child benefit if he’s still at college?
You should still receive child benefit until August. If he doesn't get the full student loan he will need his savings for accommodation and living costs.
I only started paying for my board once I had left full time education and was working full time.
ghostyslovesheets · 16/02/2023 21:45
Not while he's in full time education - no - you are still getting CB
Mine worked and earned while at college - DD's P45 from her last job showed she'd earned £11k in less than a year! But I get TC and CB so that money is hers - same with her older sister
What I don't do is give them any extra, buy their clothes, holidays, pay towards their lifestyle etc - Basic food, snacks, roof over their head, heat, water, electric etc - they fund(ed) the rest
This is how they began to budget and save - at Uni eldest pays her termly rent and lives of the rest with occasional support when I can afford it - it's a halfway house at this age
5foot5 · 16/02/2023 21:45
If you are really stretched for cash right now I don't think you are being unreasonable.
We didn't charge DD anything until after she had graduated and got a "proper" job. Then it felt fair to take a realistic contribution. However, we were not stretched for money so I suppose it was easy to take that stance.
How many hours per week is he working to earn that much? I do remember the teachers at DDs school saying they didn't think anyone doing A levels should be working more than 8 hours a week.
Whenharrymetsmelly · 16/02/2023 21:52
I personally think it's strange to ask your children for money. Unless you wanted to teach him about saving money and actually you plan to put it aside and give it back to him later. I don't think you should have children if you can't afford to pay for them. Maybe if he was 25 or older that might be different, but quite honestly with house prices I think children will be living with their parents until they are much older now
TidyDancer · 16/02/2023 21:52
gemloving · 16/02/2023 21:45
@TidyDancer did you see yourself as an adult at 18? Gosh I'm in my 30s now. I was a Child when I turned 18, far from being an adult.
It was a long time ago (!), but yeah of course I did, 18 is an adult. The OP isn't asking for a lot of money given how much her DS earns.
catsonahottinroof · 16/02/2023 21:52
I'm not sure about this. Is he doing an extra year at college - so he's 18-19 rather than 17-18? If so, and this is partly the reason why you're struggling, then I think this is fair enough. Although I think you can keep child benefit until 19 so I'm not sure why it is ending for you. If you mean you will be losing it when he leaves college, I don't think you should charge him until then (May?)
HeckyPeck · 16/02/2023 21:53
Donkeyotey · 16/02/2023 21:41
No way on earth would I charge my child to live at home, especially not an 18 year old about to go to uni, who is actively saving towards that. What are you thinking? No wonder he’s so upset.
What if that meant the difference between being able to buy food or have the heating on though?
icanneverthinkofnc · 16/02/2023 21:55
If he knows cash is strapped, he should be offering, never mind being livid!
The other option is no food, toiletries, no lifts etc, he pays his way that way. Remove electrical stuff from his room. He can charge phone etc elsewhere.
Spoilt child becomes a manchild.
Judgyjudgy · 16/02/2023 22:02
icanneverthinkofnc · 16/02/2023 21:55
If he knows cash is strapped, he should be offering, never mind being livid!
The other option is no food, toiletries, no lifts etc, he pays his way that way. Remove electrical stuff from his room. He can charge phone etc elsewhere.
Spoilt child becomes a manchild.
He's only 18 ffs. Give him a break. Sounds responsible to me saving up and wanting to go to University
icanneverthinkofnc · 16/02/2023 22:09
Judgyjudgy · 16/02/2023 22:02
He's only 18 ffs. Give him a break. Sounds responsible to me saving up and wanting to go to University
icanneverthinkofnc · 16/02/2023 21:55
If he knows cash is strapped, he should be offering, never mind being livid!
The other option is no food, toiletries, no lifts etc, he pays his way that way. Remove electrical stuff from his room. He can charge phone etc elsewhere.
Spoilt child becomes a manchild.
He is still saving, though, isn't he, £80 a month isn't a lot out of £800-£900. If family finances are so tight, the parents are struggling surely he would want to help.
I worked 6 nights a week in a pub 6-9.30pm during A levels and paid board in 1984.
EmbracingTheEyeBags · 16/02/2023 22:14
Sounds about right OP. I used to earn about £1200-1500 a month at around age 21 and I paid DM £120 board a month as my wages went up so did my board. But it worked out like 10% of my salary so yeah that's fair to ask for £80
Better to teach him young so he understands budgeting for later in life.
I am brilliant at budgeting, saving and generally being careful with money now I'm in my 30's and have our own home and family so fairs fair, you're both going to be helping each other out here
Swiftswatch · 16/02/2023 22:16
Personally I think it’s unreasonable to charge board when they are still in full time school. Their focus should be school and a part time job to fund treats and extras, not the food bill.
You haven’t actually lost CB surely if he’s still in full time education and not in uni until next year?
Charging board while still at school is totally different to when they have left and are working.
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