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To ask my 18 year old for board.

322 replies

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 16/02/2023 20:18

He earns 8-900 pounds a month and I've suggested he gives me £80 a week. Would make up for the £60 I will lose from child benefit. He's at College and due to go to University in September he's saved around £2000 for this already.

He is absolutely and completely fucking livid about this situation. Things are really, really tough for us at the moment if that makes any difference.

Vote away, vipers.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Toomanybooks22 · 17/02/2023 08:39

Nevermind31 · 17/02/2023 08:37

He is a child in full time education. When did he stop becoming your child and your responsibility?
He must feel really pushed out.

Sorry but I disagree completely it's one thing if money is fine but if a parent is struggling and an adult child can contribute why wouldn't they help their parent rather then watch them struggle more and £80 a month is not excessive


BellaVita · 17/02/2023 08:41

I voted YANBU however £80 per week is far too much.

£40 per week is a more acceptable amount for a young adult that is earning £800-900 per month and is also trying to save for Uni.


BellaVita · 17/02/2023 08:43

Sorry, just read your update… A MONTH IS A GOOD AMOUNT, I would even suggest £100.


Frangipanitime · 17/02/2023 08:47

how old is he op. You are contradicting yourself on here. In the title you say he’s 18 then you say when he turns 18 you will stop paying for his phone. You say you want the money as you habe lost child benefit, them tell us you still,get it.

it reads like this lad is still at school college , works part time , you get child benefit and now want money off him. I am not sure I believe he is earning 900 a month , he’d have to be working a fuck ton for that.


ittakes2 · 17/02/2023 08:52

Just tell him to buy his own food as an alternative - it will prob come to more than £80 a month.


Sep200024 · 17/02/2023 08:54

I think most parents buy their children food and get them to school, and don’t then charge them for it 🤣🤣


jannier · 17/02/2023 08:57

Does he know your financial situation? If not I'd simply explain it


Cosyblankets · 17/02/2023 08:57

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 07:12

Some absolutely wild assumptions on this thread 😂😂😂 I cook for him, clean his room when he's at work and change his bedding so it's nice when he gets in, wash all his clothes, pay for his phone at the moment. When he was at school it was quite far away so I drove him there every day.

I've not said a single thing about not being able to afford to have my child. And for all of you saying I shouldn't have had him if I couldn't afford him I'm thrilled you are all in possession of crystal balls to predict COVID and the worst cost of living crisis for decades. Well done you.

Fantastic points about when his CB will stop so I will look into that so thank you.

He is fucking livid because like many on this thread he thinks he is still a child and me charging him anything to live here is monstrous. Quite suspect he's got himself an account or two judging by some replies 😂

Love this!
Is part of being a parent not preparing them for adult life? He has more disposable income than most adults I know.
Good you you OP for showing him the bank of mum and dad is not constantly open.


Dacadactyl · 17/02/2023 09:01

@Cosyblankets as far as I'm concerned, preparing your children for adult life is the sole aim of parenting. There are too many spoilt, pampered 20 somethings about with their heads up their arses, expecting their parents to constantly cough up.

I work with a woman who has children in their 30s, who have had children themselves. She is delaying her retirement "because they need her to keep working as they can't afford stuff." Absolutely bonkers.


Needmorelego · 17/02/2023 09:11

Why do you only get £60 Child Benefit?
It's £82.70. Or is it £87.20? (It's one or the other - can't remember which - but more than £60.
As others have said you don't stop receiving it until the end of the Year 13 (or Scottish/NI equivalent) academic year - not when he actually turns 18.
To be honest I think you are being petty. He is still at school - therefore a 'school child' not an adult.


Murdoch1949 · 17/02/2023 09:13

Of course he should be paying. If he doesn't want to he can find a room elsewhere.


VeronicaFranklin · 17/02/2023 09:18

£80 a month seems reasonable, I think it is important for children to understand that life isn't free. Paying some contribution to board encourages them to have some financial responsibility and if things are tight for you and he is living with you, using gas/electric and eating food you buy and he is working then he absolutely should contribute something.


StanFransDisco · 17/02/2023 09:21

@Frangipanitime completely agree. She's looking for an angle to charge her kid that doesn't add up.


Sep200024 · 17/02/2023 09:27

Maybe some of this is down to poor knowledge. Is he actually 18 yet? It’s beginning to sound as though you’re putting all this stress and animosity on your 17 year old son (who is both studying and working long hours by the sound of it) because you think you’re going to lose child benefit when he turns 18.

You also think that his job will have some sort of impact on the amount of student loan he is able to get.

Would suggest maybe that you avail yourself of hard facts before causing arguments in your house. Of course he is upset, because he won’t know anyone else who is being treated like this at this point in their lives.


Georgieporgie29 · 17/02/2023 09:27

When I got my first part time job it was 1/3 for board 1/3 to save and 1/3 to spend (I didn’t save though 🤣)

it’s all well and good people saying they wouldn’t charge their 18 year old board however the op clearly states she could really do with the extra money as things are tight, I think £80 a month is perfectly reasonable and probably doesn’t even cover the amount of food/snacks an 18 year old ds eats (I have one too)


Theluggage15 · 17/02/2023 09:36

You seem confused over whether he’s 17 or 18, don’t know about child benefit and don’t understand about student loans. Really big of you not to be charging him rent when he’s at university. I’m not surprised he’s upset.


takealettermsjones · 17/02/2023 09:37

I think it all comes down to the struggling financially part. I think we'd all love to give our kids the earth and if I'm doing okay financially by that point, I will want to let my kids have their money to save for a house etc. But if I'm struggling financially by that point and they're earning, it's different.

I think it's a bit disappointing that your son is seemingly happy to watch you struggle while he gets £900 a month to enjoy, and I'd be telling him that. Being part of the family and having access to family money goes two ways surely? It's not like you're asking him to split his wage with you.


Needmorelego · 17/02/2023 09:46

All these people saying they "paid board" at 18 - were you full time students at 6th Form/College though?
He is still technically a "school kid".
It's interesting this opinion that he should pay because "he's 18...he's an adult" compared to if this was one of those threads about a (for example) 25 year old who is dating an 18 year old (who they probably met in the pub) but that 18 year old is still at school it's all "oh but they're just a child.... what does a 25 year old want with a school child...etc etc".
So is he a child of 18? Or an adult of 18?
Still at school - I say child.
However.....if I was a parent in this situation I would pay for anything school related (uniform, transport etc), food for shared family meals, shared household toiletries (ie loo roll, toothpaste etc) and cleaning products (washing powder etc)
But personal toiletries, clothes, gym membership, snack foods etc he should pay out of his wages.
I wouldn't be charging him 'board'.


Genie321 · 17/02/2023 09:51

Personally, i can't believe people charge their children board. Whatever their age, they are still your kids and you look out for them. He's saving for uni, that's very responsible. Shouldn't you be encouraging him to continue to save? I understand parents that take a share of their kids wages and put it away for them so they have savings for a car, house etc. But its very unfair to take money from your kids.


Newnamenewme23 · 17/02/2023 09:53

Murdoch1949 · 17/02/2023 09:13

Of course he should be paying. If he doesn't want to he can find a room elsewhere.

You’d really ask a 17/18 year old at college, saving for uni, to pay rent or find a room in a shared house?


IDontWantToBeAPie · 17/02/2023 09:55

I think that's way too much tbh. I'd be fuming too. He's in full time education so he's still your responsibility....

He's saving for uni not pissing it up the walls. You're also trying to profit not just replace the CB.

I get that things are tough and maybe a smaller contribution might be Ok. At 18 this would've just made me work less hours tbh.


IDontWantToBeAPie · 17/02/2023 10:03

Especially as I'm assuming you're not contributing to him at uni at all? So he's on his own for money and will need a lot


GenderCriticalTrumpets · 17/02/2023 10:17

And so the assumptions continue. What a wild ride! Thanks for all the people talking sense. Imagining it's unusual amongst his friendship group is hillarious! His BFF pays 100 a month. His other BFF gets 500 a month spend and doesn't work. Swings, roundabouts.

Suggesting I'm profiting off my child is also too funny. Ooh what will I do with all that money I'm menacing out of him? Probably get myself a Porche and go to the Caribbean! Can't wait.

I thought it would be a good life lesson in budgeting and contributing to family life.

OP posts:

IDontWantToBeAPie · 17/02/2023 10:17

You lose child benefit when he leaves college btw not when he turns 18.


Sep200024 · 17/02/2023 10:19

You’re starting to sound a bit nasty all round, and I feel so sorry for the poor boy.

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