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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
Icedlatteplease · 15/02/2023 08:05

I've come to the conclusion it's not worth the risk so I don't date. I think my male friends are awesome though

C4tastrophe · 15/02/2023 08:05

Women also enjoy infidelity.

Original poster
TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:05

Sorry my phone added some odd wording there. Wrote in an emotional outburst and didn't check. Normally my grammar is better. I'm blaming the men for this too 😂

OP posts:
GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:06

Some men are shit heads but it's important to remember people don't post here when everything's going well.

plumduck · 15/02/2023 08:07

Lots of women are awful too

Dinkeigh · 15/02/2023 08:07

Women are also like this!

KangarooKenny · 15/02/2023 08:08

My DH is a good one. But I can honestly say that from being on MN, I’d never date again if I was single. Tnere just seems to be too many men with hang ups about something.

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:09

Maybe we all need to lower our expectations, men think with their dicks so it's no surprise that they are unfaithful, maybe that's what we need to accept to avoid unnecessary suffering.

Sirzy · 15/02/2023 08:10

I don’t think generalising like this helps anyone. Some men are awful. Some women are awful. Plenty are fantastic and most others fall somewhere on the scale between.

judge the individual rather than judging all based on a few

Lawandsawdus · 15/02/2023 08:10

I didn’t think MN is a great guide. Posters in good stable happy relationships don’t usually post. Sometimes if they do they are told they are insensitive

CrystalCoco · 15/02/2023 08:12

I hear you OP, I have completely lost my faith in men.

Every day on the news, women and children abused, raped and murdered by men, men that they loved and trusted. Sick to death of it.

Sick of misogny, "banter", road rage, you name it, men are awful.
The misdeeds women are guilty of are just incomparable to the awfulness of men.

PegasusReturns · 15/02/2023 08:12

Earlier this week I read about an 18 yr old girl who was raped in a park in London.

she was then raped by a second unrelated man.

That should have been awful enough but yesterday a jury failed to convict because enough people (and im betting my last £20 - men) believed she consented.

user1471517095 · 15/02/2023 08:12

It looks like loads of men are horrible cheaters because you are on site aimed at women. Take a look at "Surviving Infidelity" to see some of the equally terrible things Women get up to. And yes, Joe Westerman has done an unforgivable thing, but so has his friend's wife. You know - the other person caught on that video. But I presume because she is not famous she appears to be getting a lot less publicity than him. But she was cheating too, both of them are horrible people.

PegasusReturns · 15/02/2023 08:13

The misdeeds women are guilty of are just incomparable to the awfulness of men

yes

Noicant · 15/02/2023 08:13

My husband once told me a story about how some bloke peed through the open window of a takeaway delivery car (he worked in the shop). And I was just like ‘y’know women don’t tend to do that kind of thing”. As I’ve got older I think I have increasingly realised how bloody awful your average man is compared to your average woman. What is about 33% of British men have a criminal conviction.

I adore my husband, no he’s not under my thumb or a pushover. I just think about all the stupid shite you hear about and the vast majority of the time it’s a bloke isn’t it. I always think I got really bloody lucky and if anything were to ever happen and I ended up single I would never touch another man with a bargepole, not worth the hassle

SamanthaCaine · 15/02/2023 08:16

Lawandsawdus · 15/02/2023 08:10

I didn’t think MN is a great guide. Posters in good stable happy relationships don’t usually post. Sometimes if they do they are told they are insensitive

Definitely this. Echo chambers aren't great and MN is a huge one that needs to be treated accordingly.

Women in great relationships don't often post as it's a bit tone deaf when MN is riddled with issues. They're often ignored anyway or you can be accused of minimising or some other crap, just because you're not piling in on the man bashing.

CrystalCoco · 15/02/2023 08:16

Noicant · 15/02/2023 08:13

My husband once told me a story about how some bloke peed through the open window of a takeaway delivery car (he worked in the shop). And I was just like ‘y’know women don’t tend to do that kind of thing”. As I’ve got older I think I have increasingly realised how bloody awful your average man is compared to your average woman. What is about 33% of British men have a criminal conviction.

I adore my husband, no he’s not under my thumb or a pushover. I just think about all the stupid shite you hear about and the vast majority of the time it’s a bloke isn’t it. I always think I got really bloody lucky and if anything were to ever happen and I ended up single I would never touch another man with a bargepole, not worth the hassle

My feelings exactly, I'll never go near another man as long as I live. Fact.

BreviloquentBastard · 15/02/2023 08:17

I feel like I know lots of great men, most in happy marriages or relationships. I've met and known my fair share of dreadful arseholes as well, to be fair.

The reality of humanity is that lots of us are selfish bastards, and selfishness is far more innate in far many of us than anyone would like to admit.

But I'm an optimist and I know there are gooduns out there minding their own business. You don't hear as much about them because honestly, who wants to read a post about "my husband got up early to clean the kitchen so I wouldn't have to, brought me tea in bed and is now cheerfully being taught to crochet by my daughter. I have zero complaints about our marriage." That's boring! We like drama and discord, that's also human nature.

I'm sorry your experiences dating have been sucky. This little optimist will hold out hope that the current one is one of the quiet good catch crowd.

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 08:19

I can imagine what reaction I'd get from the vipers on MN if I posted I'm happily married for 36 years, never cheated on, never abused. I'd get such abuse for snugness, bragging blah blah

Quite honestly if you read MN every night, you're only seeing people with the agenda of "I hate all men", often the same people having name changed because they've done fuck all about moving away from the relationship but want want lots of sympathy.

Stop reading MN and taking it as the real world.

DillDanding · 15/02/2023 08:21

Some men are awful. Same goes for some women.

I know loads of great blokes, including my husband.

gelatogina · 15/02/2023 08:21

PegasusReturns · 15/02/2023 08:12

Earlier this week I read about an 18 yr old girl who was raped in a park in London.

she was then raped by a second unrelated man.

That should have been awful enough but yesterday a jury failed to convict because enough people (and im betting my last £20 - men) believed she consented.

This was such a sad sad thing. It was reported the 2nd man walked over and said ‘can I have a go?’ like she was an object to be passed around.

Similarly the Joe Westerman video, the person filming casually walked up to them and says the same thing ‘can I have a go’

Instead of checking if the woman was ok.

‘Can I have a go’

Horrific.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 15/02/2023 08:21

Men think with their dicks and are driven by primitive urges in a way women aren’t.

I know one disgusting pig of a man who sexually abused a teenager for 3 years and when he went to court other men wrote in to give character witnesses about what a decent bloke he was. They all stick together to cover up their depraved behaviour.

I know it’s not all men. There are also decent ones, but just about every day there’s another story.

Moopsi · 15/02/2023 08:23

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:09

Maybe we all need to lower our expectations, men think with their dicks so it's no surprise that they are unfaithful, maybe that's what we need to accept to avoid unnecessary suffering.

I've noticed you on a few threads now @Luckydip1 spouting misogyny and how if a woman doesn't satisfy her man then it's her fault if he cheats. Horrible values.

RealeyesRealizeReallies · 15/02/2023 08:24

Meanwhile on dadsnet: I've met this wonderful woman and a few weeks in, she's already accusing me of cheating with nothing to back up her claims, just the fact she has had a few relationships where the men have treated her badly. Is it worth me continuing this?

Hi, OP. I definitely get where you're coming from but please give this man a chance. He could be what you are looking for or he could be an arse...it's a risk, I know; a huge risk.

I hope it all works out. Just don't make him pay for the twats you met before him, otherwise, you'll be sabotaging this relationship.

jeaux90 · 15/02/2023 08:25

Men commit 98% of sexual crimes.

8 out of 10 sexual assaults in our secondary schools are committed by male children.

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