Page 6 | ....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

TrainteaAnnie · 2023-02-15T08:03:16+00:00

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust.. One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday. I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to. And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage. In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman. It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful. Help!

Twawmyarse2 · 15/02/2023 09:27

That’s why sex crimes committed by women have mysteriously risen recently, because they are including men who identify as women out of ‘courtesy’.

I don't trust any modern day stats for this very reason. The truth is we have no correct date on how many crimes are committed by women for the bonkers reason that many crimes committed by men are recorded as being by women.

Cant believe I'm actually typing that 🤯

ArcticSkewer · 15/02/2023 09:27

I'm not a fan of monogamy as a concept - we teach our kids unrealistic concepts. But instead of cheating, how about open conversations built around mutual trust and respect.

The rest of it though ... sex assaults, rapes, murders ... yeah that's mainly/ almost exclusively men as perpetrators.

TicketBoo23 · 15/02/2023 09:27

Goldenbear · 15/02/2023 09:25

TicketBoo23, I didn't say all, I said it was harder and what's the point denying many are in long term relationships or marriages, so not available for dating. I also said late 40s divorcees may come out the other end and then available for dating again. Amongst my friends and DH's who bar one are all professionals, have DC, have homes, very late 30s, early 40s none of them are available for dating except the one friend of DH who is dating someone 12 years younger than him and he wants DC she doesn't. I have friends in 50s long term marriages and they haven't been available for dating for 25 years. My brother met and married with 3 DC 25 years ago. We are all metropolitan types, London and south east, so not the norm to be married young or anything where we live. Yes, it is anecdotal evidence but it is my observation.

*Goldenbear · Today 09:05

Statistically are you at an age where all the 'good' men are married or taken.*

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 15/02/2023 09:28

AngelinaFibres · 15/02/2023 09:12

We are part of a social/ walking group.Met up on Sunday. Several are couples, several are single. The single people were telling us their horror stories of dating. The main problem the men faced was women posting heavily filtered pictures or pictures from years ago that bear no relation to reality. For the women the issue was dick pics. Endless unsolicited, walloped into the middle of a normal conversation dick pics.Revolting. My friend works with youngish teachers who are doing OLD. They frequently meet men who appear perfectly pleasant initially. They meet them for coffee somewhere totally safe and ordinary(Waitrose in Cirencester is handy) . The constant theme seems to be that they are having a normal conversation and suddenly the man will ask them how they feel about....anal, bondage, smacking with paddles of different sizes, nipple clamps etc etc. They make their excuses and leave and then the dick pics start until they block them.

Oh no! I’ll never be able to go into Waitrose in Cirencester again without looking at the people in the cafe and thinking…….

And is it the same in all Waitrose cafes? Arghhhhh

GrinAndVomit · 15/02/2023 09:28

AnnListersBlister · 15/02/2023 09:25

Every single day I am grateful that I am gay.

I like how that rhymes.

But no, I am not joking. It's sad but either in the news, on here, or in RL I see examples almost every day that make me feel really, really happy that I don't have a desire to be in a relationship with a man any more than a friendship. I thank the stars.

Having said that, my ex (female obviously) tried to murder me in a violent manner and was only unsuccessful due to luck. I am strong and recovered well from injury-could have been much worse.

My most recent partner is emotionally very cold, and emotionally abusive and I've become depressed and anxious as a result.

I went on a date and learned that she was an ex-con (life sentence for manslaughter).

There are some women out there you'd not want to be involved with either-I am typing this thinking, is it even worth saying. Of course we also know some women can be cunts. But largely, It's a drop in the ocean compared to what men are like. And they should pay more tax given It's them taking all the bloody prisons up, causing the majority of crime etc etc.

Not meaning to be glib, but, where are you meeting these women? Don’t go there anymore!

xogossipgirlxo · 15/02/2023 09:29

wednesdaynamesep · 15/02/2023 09:27

Yep, that's me. Married to a proper good man but ...

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Look at the bright side- he wants to be a good man for you 😉

Goldenbear · 15/02/2023 09:29

TicketBoo23, good point I did say it in that comment but went on to explain what I meant by that and think it is rarer- sorry.

TicketBoo23 · 15/02/2023 09:30

AnnListersBlister · 15/02/2023 09:25

Every single day I am grateful that I am gay.

I like how that rhymes.

But no, I am not joking. It's sad but either in the news, on here, or in RL I see examples almost every day that make me feel really, really happy that I don't have a desire to be in a relationship with a man any more than a friendship. I thank the stars.

Having said that, my ex (female obviously) tried to murder me in a violent manner and was only unsuccessful due to luck. I am strong and recovered well from injury-could have been much worse.

My most recent partner is emotionally very cold, and emotionally abusive and I've become depressed and anxious as a result.

I went on a date and learned that she was an ex-con (life sentence for manslaughter).

There are some women out there you'd not want to be involved with either-I am typing this thinking, is it even worth saying. Of course we also know some women can be cunts. But largely, It's a drop in the ocean compared to what men are like. And they should pay more tax given It's them taking all the bloody prisons up, causing the majority of crime etc etc.

No offence but I don't understand how you see it as a drop in the ocean when you've had a violent, murderous female ex, now have an abusive female partner m, and encountered a woman who murdered someone in a date.

Those experiences seem as bad or worse than dating men.

Millana · 15/02/2023 09:32

There is definateky a power imbalance though and unfortunately some of the most powerful positions are held by horrible men who have no interest in supporting or making life easier for women eg judges who think women ask for it.

ancientgran · 15/02/2023 09:35

PegasusReturns · 15/02/2023 08:13

The misdeeds women are guilty of are just incomparable to the awfulness of men

yes

So do you think the 15 year old male charged with murder has done something different to the 15 year old female charged with him?

Do you think the mother and her female lover who killed Star Hobson didn't do something as awful as men killing an innocent toddler?

Do you think the pornographic photos of babies and toddlers that were taken by Vanessa George were somehow less than photos taken by men?

Some people, male and female, do horrific things. Women don't get a pass.

Dammitthisisshit · 15/02/2023 09:36

I’m mostly happily married and my DH is better than most. He shares the same views about the really bad stuff men do and I love him for calling something out that he could have just ignored, plus I know he advocates for women at his (male dominated) workplace.

But we had bad arguments in the early days of having DC with him not pulling his weight. I saw a selfishness during that time that I can never unsee. Like most men he does put himself first.

It’s the same with friends. Every couple I know where the father works the mother does the vast majority of ‘family work’ regardless of if they work part or full time or not at all. And those that work less have mostly reached that decision after struggling to do it all. Yet the 2 couples I know where the mother works full time and father doesn’t, the mother still does a lot of the family work. I have one male friend who is a lone parent and he is amazing but idolised for it and frankly is just doing the same as several of my single or lone parent female friends who are not given the same adoration! We set the bar lower for men.

Phew that was long. If I wasn’t married already I’d not get into another relationship.

considerablycuntierthanyou · 15/02/2023 09:37

The inability to interpret and understand statistical averages across population levels always astonishes me. Brandishing the names of a few outliers actually proves the point rather than negates it. Sigh.

TicketBoo23 · 15/02/2023 09:37

AngelinaFibres · 15/02/2023 09:12

We are part of a social/ walking group.Met up on Sunday. Several are couples, several are single. The single people were telling us their horror stories of dating. The main problem the men faced was women posting heavily filtered pictures or pictures from years ago that bear no relation to reality. For the women the issue was dick pics. Endless unsolicited, walloped into the middle of a normal conversation dick pics.Revolting. My friend works with youngish teachers who are doing OLD. They frequently meet men who appear perfectly pleasant initially. They meet them for coffee somewhere totally safe and ordinary(Waitrose in Cirencester is handy) . The constant theme seems to be that they are having a normal conversation and suddenly the man will ask them how they feel about....anal, bondage, smacking with paddles of different sizes, nipple clamps etc etc. They make their excuses and leave and then the dick pics start until they block them.

While it is, of course, possible to encounter such behaviour anywhere ......is it not a known fact that OLD is sen and used by some men as a sex hook up medium?

Even if the sites are not specifically hook up ones?

This "use," of old has been observed for a long time so I'm not sure why it's surprising.

Mal adjusted men think women are on old for sex.

There are therefore always sex seekers (or whatever persuasion, fetish or not) all over old.

One of the major downsides if using it is encountering them. But that should be like fly swatting, if you want to try old.

And if course it's still worth trying because a percentage of people meet partners on there. I know two married couples at least who met on old.

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/02/2023 09:38

All the horror and trauma in my life from birth onwards have been inflicted by men.
Father abandonment, and poverty as a result step father domestic violence, rape at 15, further rapes by opportunistic men. Domestic violence by my ex. Bullying, sexual harassment in the workplace. All men.
Even the transwomen I befriended sexually assaulted me or abused me. Hell, one transwoman tried to groom me into sex work.

I have a son. I have done my best to bring up a man that abhors violence and a good natured empathic man. The rest is up to him.

I was prepared to be single forever but it seems I have met a good one. He is a self declared misandrist. He is my carer and keeps me safe. I think he is the only truly and trustworthy decent man I have ever met in my nearly 46 years on earth.

Sexuality definitely isn't a choice. I kinda hate being heterosexual. If I hadn't met my husband, I would have happily stayed single for the rest of my life.

Men are disgusting as a group. I really believe men shouldn't be allowed in any positions of power and shouldn't be allowed to congregate in groups as they tend to become like pigs and egg each other on.

Just my opinion based on my lived experience.

Sunriseinwonderland · 15/02/2023 09:38

I'm done with them as well.

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 09:38

@ThePixiesTookIt regardless, women cheat just as much as men.

Twawmyarse2 · 15/02/2023 09:39

ancientgran · 15/02/2023 09:35

So do you think the 15 year old male charged with murder has done something different to the 15 year old female charged with him?

Do you think the mother and her female lover who killed Star Hobson didn't do something as awful as men killing an innocent toddler?

Do you think the pornographic photos of babies and toddlers that were taken by Vanessa George were somehow less than photos taken by men?

Some people, male and female, do horrific things. Women don't get a pass.

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No-one is saying that.

These kind of incidents committed by women are much, much rarer.

No-one would blink an eye to hear of these things being carried out by men - happens every day and doesn't even make the news.

It's particularly shocking when women commit violent crimes as it's very unusual.

Pinkchilli · 15/02/2023 09:39

Sadly agree with you. In my area of work come across so many toxic males who have destroyed the lives of women and children and think they have done absolutely nothing wrong. If men were removed from these situations there would be so many less issues.
In my personal life have a lot of lovely men in my life and a son who I am trying to raise right. Overwhelmingly I am concerned about every day stories of women being murdered by men who then blame the victims

TicketBoo23 · 15/02/2023 09:40

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 09:38

@ThePixiesTookIt regardless, women cheat just as much as men.

No research backs that up.

TeenLifeMum · 15/02/2023 09:41

There are great men but so few. Honestly, the crap friends tolerate is unbelievable to me. I have a wonderful dh but if anything happened to him I would stay single with occasional hookups. I’d probably get another dog, they’re more reliable.

HowcanIgetoutofthisalive · 15/02/2023 09:41

I consider myself 'lucky'. Met my OH in my 20's and been married for 20+ years now. He is definitely 'one of the good guys'. The majority of my friends are equally happy in long term marriages/relationships and their OH's are lovely. That said, if I ever found myself single again I would never date to try and 'find' another man to spend my life with. With the state of a lot of men these days and all the misogyny, I think I'd be far happier on my own, no matter how lonely I may get!

TicketBoo23 · 15/02/2023 09:42

Do you think the pornographic photos of babies and toddlers that were taken by Vanessa George were somehow less than photos taken by men?

Like most female child sex abuser cases, a man was very much pulling the strings there.

Pyewhacket · 15/02/2023 09:42

Twawmyarse2 · 15/02/2023 09:14

No, but there are many many men doing terrible things every single day.

Very rarely hear of a woman doing the kind of things men get up to on a daily basis (rape, physical/sexual abuse, murder, anger-related incidents)

Think how shocking it is when a woman is convicted of murder and the news reports it. Look at the stats.

I don't believe women cheat at anywhere the same levels as men. Every incident I know personally involving infidelity has been of a married/attached man cheating with a single younger woman.

Stop comparing and saying "oh women are just as bad"- it's bollocks.

I thought my dh was a great guy who treated me very well but then I caught him on affair websites when I was pregnant - I chose to forgive him but I'll never trust him again.

All the worst things that have happened in my life - sexual assault and harassment, road-rage incidents, witnessing behaviours as a child I never should have been privy to - have all been carried out by men.

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I have been kicked, punched in the face, spat on, bitten and pissed on. I've also seen DV, blatant child neglect and outright abuse. All by women. That's my lived experience working for the NHS.

Walterwhiteswifey · 15/02/2023 09:42

It's the same as the news, you tend to only hear the bad stuff. Same as you read about men on mumsnet. People who have wonderful husbands and partners won't regularly keep banging on about it as it would be smug and annoying. Men that have done wrong will be mentioned way more.

But I can guarantee there are more good guys out there than bad. Amazing husbands and dad's. Good luck x

Annoyingwurringnoise · 15/02/2023 09:43

I am a lesbian, and I can confidently tell you that some women cheat, are manipulative headfucks and generally a nightmare, but unlike men I’m not scared that they are going to seriously hurt, rape me or kill me. They are also generally less lazy, and do less idiotic stuff, even the bad ones.

in summary, women will fuck up your head, but at least they’ll put the vacuum round, and they are unlikely to physically hurt you, and even less likely to kill you. They are also much better in bed.