....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

[TrainteaAnnie]

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

The only person you can 100 percent rely on is yourself. Enjoy relationships when they’re good but always be ok to be by yourself and you’ll be fine.

We are part of a social/ walking group.Met up on Sunday. Several are couples, several are single. The single people were telling us their horror stories of dating. The main problem the men faced was women posting heavily filtered pictures or pictures from years ago that bear no relation to reality. For the women the issue was dick pics. Endless unsolicited, walloped into the middle of a normal conversation dick pics.Revolting. My friend works with youngish teachers who are doing OLD. They frequently meet men who appear perfectly pleasant initially. They meet them for coffee somewhere totally safe and ordinary(Waitrose in Cirencester is handy) . The constant theme seems to be that they are having a normal conversation and suddenly the man will ask them how they feel about....anal, bondage, smacking with paddles of different sizes, nipple clamps etc etc. They make their excuses and leave and then the dick pics start until they block them.

Of course some men are good.

But there are awful, awful ones out there. One scum airdropped a picture of his penis to my 13 year old daughter yesterday. Luckily I sat next to her and could console her. Unfortunately she did not ask me before accepting the airdrop - she just got her phone.

what kind of a man will cyberflash a child? I can assure any men on here, women will not airdrop pictures of their genitalia to children. I mean for the discussion that “women are awful too”.

50s is different though as people have divorced and started to grow apart not necessarily for bad reasons so finding a partner in your late 40s early 50s that for want of a better word is 'sound' is more likely. I'm not trying to be cruel I'm trying to be factual. It is not like it is impossible but probably a lot harder.

Oh yes, let's blame women for men's vile behaviour. Is there anything bad in society that women are not responsible for?

No, but there are many many men doing terrible things every single day.

Very rarely hear of a woman doing the kind of things men get up to on a daily basis (rape, physical/sexual abuse, murder, anger-related incidents)

Think how shocking it is when a woman is convicted of murder and the news reports it. Look at the stats.

I don't believe women cheat at anywhere the same levels as men. Every incident I know personally involving infidelity has been of a married/attached man cheating with a single younger woman.

Stop comparing and saying "oh women are just as bad"- it's bollocks.

I thought my dh was a great guy who treated me very well but then I caught him on affair websites when I was pregnant - I chose to forgive him but I'll never trust him again.

All the worst things that have happened in my life - sexual assault and harassment, road-rage incidents, witnessing behaviours as a child I never should have been privy to - have all been carried out by men.

I often wonder about this?

Can you imagine being the Son of such a man hating Mother?

I didn't say both met their partners initially in their 50s.

And plenty of decent ppl end up divorced in their 40s too.

It isn't "no potentially decent ppl before 50, then magically decent people after 50".

It's not realistic to say "all" decent men are attached in ones 40s.

And obviously the 40 something could get involved with younger or older people too.

Some men are horrible, I agree. But some are really great. Few men I know including my husband are fantastic husbands, fathers, they always put family first and are genuinely happy about it. Women just don't post about it, because what's the point. You come to MN to ask for advice when you have a problem.

Of course there are good men and of course there are women who do awful things. But let's not try and tell ourselves that violent (be it verbally, in cyber form like that horrible incident with PP's 13yo daughter, physically, sexually) misogyny and toxic masculinity aren't a problem because 'women can be awful too'.

I live in Germany and it was in the news here last week that the (male) director of a ballet company smeared dog shit in the face of a (female) critic at a premiere in revenge for a bad review. And later justified it by saying her reviews had 'smeared [him] with shit for years'. Male ego can't cope with criticism. Can you imagine that scenario happening the other way round?

Of course it does. Now ask yourself ‘which ones.’

That case was just horrendous.

Is that left mainly to women because their fathers can’t/won’t/don’t raise them?

Oh, and I have teenage sons, and a genuinely good husband, and I don't detest all men. How is it that anyone noticing a pattern with toxic masculinity is quickly called a man-hater? Could it be to discredit their point and shut them up?

It certainly seems that way at times.

I discovered this week that one in three adult UK men has a criminal record. I found this shocking.

For women it's one in eleven.

I don't believe women cheat at anywhere the same levels as men. Every incident I know personally involving infidelity has been of a married/attached man cheating with a single younger woman

I don't think women cheat quite as much as men either, but do you not think you became aware of those affairs because they were probably caught and the single women had nothing lose (aside from reputation which many people don't care much about anyway) ...... Do you not think attached women are more likely to hide ab affair and keep it hidden. My sister was certainly not advertising hers, if it's known about it's because she told me other sister about it, who is indiscrete, and perhaus her work colleagues guessed from behaviour on overnights away etc.

I think this may be a mathematical error. What they have done is to take the male population and divide it by the number of crimes, then say the result is the percentage convicted of the total.

Of course, this isn’t how it works. The majority of crimes are committed by repeat offenders. (‘One man crime wave’). Of course, it is still true that men commit far more crimes, and of a more violent nature than women. That’s why sex crimes committed by women have mysteriously risen recently, because they are including men who identify as women out of ‘courtesy’.

(Worth remembering that women have historically been the sneaky cheaters of the animal kingdom and men the significantly dumber cheaters of the animal kingdom.

The outcome for being caught was always much harsher for females than males).

So. You've had 3 relationships and read some stories on MN and conclude all men are awful?

There are vile men and some of the stuff women put up with is awful. There are also vile women and some of the stuff men put up with is awful

There is at least one post on here from a woman cheating on her husband running at the moment.

You only ever get one side of the story on here. I think most of the time, the woman isn't as innocent and blameless as she says she is because very rarely people are.

Also, no one posts about their normal, plodding along relationship because it's mundane and boring.

I think that you need to do some work on yourself as you don't sound ready to be in a relationship and coming at it from a cynical, he'll let me down pov isn't the best start.

TicketBoo23, I didn't say all, I said it was harder and what's the point denying many are in long term relationships or marriages, so not available for dating. I also said late 40s divorcees may come out the other end and then available for dating again. Amongst my friends and DH's who bar one are all professionals, have DC, have homes, very late 30s, early 40s none of them are available for dating except the one friend of DH who is dating someone 12 years younger than him and he wants DC she doesn't. I have friends in 50s long term marriages and they haven't been available for dating for 25 years. My brother met and married with 3 DC 25 years ago. We are all metropolitan types, London and south east, so not the norm to be married young or anything where we live. Yes, it is anecdotal evidence but it is my observation.

I agree with you. I’m happily married but in the event I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be dating again.
Between seeing what my friends have gone through and reading about situations on here and watching my mum date while I was a child, it’s just not something I’d want to put myself or my children through.

Every single day I am grateful that I am gay.

I like how that rhymes.

But no, I am not joking. It's sad but either in the news, on here, or in RL I see examples almost every day that make me feel really, really happy that I don't have a desire to be in a relationship with a man any more than a friendship. I thank the stars.

Having said that, my ex (female obviously) tried to murder me in a violent manner and was only unsuccessful due to luck. I am strong and recovered well from injury-could have been much worse.

My most recent partner is emotionally very cold, and emotionally abusive and I've become depressed and anxious as a result.

I went on a date and learned that she was an ex-con (life sentence for manslaughter).

There are some women out there you'd not want to be involved with either-I am typing this thinking, is it even worth saying. Of course we also know some women can be cunts. But largely, It's a drop in the ocean compared to what men are like. And they should pay more tax given It's them taking all the bloody prisons up, causing the majority of crime etc etc.

I wonder if men with higher sex drives have heard of masturbation? Or that the whole world isn't about their needs.
Oh and you most certainly do not get to announce that you've "Never been misogynistic"

Yep, that's me. Married to a proper good man but ...