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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
BabyOnBoard90 · 15/02/2023 08:27

And people will still deny there's a significant man hating population on this forum...

OP, in your experience with men you have to make peace with fact that you are the common denominator. Hence you have a degree of control and influence. If not trusting men is what you need to do to be happy, then have at it.

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:28

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:09

Maybe we all need to lower our expectations, men think with their dicks so it's no surprise that they are unfaithful, maybe that's what we need to accept to avoid unnecessary suffering.

Is your username Lucky Dip because you have a pre-prepared bowl of absolute nonsense responses in front of you and you just post whichever one you pull out?

MelaniesFlowers · 15/02/2023 08:28

Men as a group are not “awful”. Just like women there are bad apples.

You just don’t hear about the good ones because they’re not out there making news so why would you?

LakeTiticaca · 15/02/2023 08:28

How many of you who are proclaiming how much you detest all men and how vile they are, are mothers of sons?
do you think the same about yoir sons because they will be men one day

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:29

BabyOnBoard90 · 15/02/2023 08:27

And people will still deny there's a significant man hating population on this forum...

OP, in your experience with men you have to make peace with fact that you are the common denominator. Hence you have a degree of control and influence. If not trusting men is what you need to do to be happy, then have at it.

Yeah OP it's clearly your fault these men are cheating scumbags Confused FFS...

Bleakhouser · 15/02/2023 08:29

BabyOnBoard90 · 15/02/2023 08:27

And people will still deny there's a significant man hating population on this forum...

OP, in your experience with men you have to make peace with fact that you are the common denominator. Hence you have a degree of control and influence. If not trusting men is what you need to do to be happy, then have at it.

Read the news for a week and take note.

the OP is not the common denominator.

BloggersBlog · 15/02/2023 08:29

plumduck · 15/02/2023 08:07

Lots of women are awful too

Not the point of the thread stating the ruddy obvious, the OP did not say "Men are dreadful and every woman is fantastic"

@TrainteaAnnie YANBU to generalise like this. Yes, some are great - but the majority are not

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:29

@GoodChat are you on here to respond to OP or do you just want a fight with another poster?

PandasAreUseless · 15/02/2023 08:30

My DH, who I've been with for 18 years, is a seriously good egg. So are many of our male friends. I'd probably be happy enough with most of them actually.

But every woman I know, including me, is pulling the man in their life UP.

My forward planning and diligence is why we own a house and have savings. I'm the reason my husband eats healthily (even if he cooks - its me pushing for healthy choices) and doesn't drink himself to death. I've pushed him to make career choices which have been beneficial for him. And so on.

And yes, women can be dicks too. But the overwhelming majority of the violence, depravity and corruption out there is due to men.

bloodyplanes · 15/02/2023 08:30

Op i completed agree! I have had two horrible long term relationships with liars and cheats. I have come to the conclusion that all men are ultimately vile! I am happily single and intend to keep it that way forever! A man who doesn't cheat and lie is as rare as rocking horse shit!

BabyOnBoard90 · 15/02/2023 08:31

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:29

Yeah OP it's clearly your fault these men are cheating scumbags Confused FFS...

Show quote history

Strange conclusion the reach but that's your opinion. Not sure why quote me though

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:31

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:29

@GoodChat are you on here to respond to OP or do you just want a fight with another poster?

I responded to the OP with a sensible response not "oh yeah women should just let men treat them like shit and not complain."

It'd be nice if you could use a bit of common sense.

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:31

@BabyOnBoard90 that's literally what your post said.

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:31

@Moopsi rather than trying to pick a fight, why don't you accept that people have different views and that is ok, I have never been misogynistic, but I am realistic and tell it as it is, sorry if that offends you.

GCAcademic · 15/02/2023 08:32

What is about 33% of British men have a criminal conviction.

I just googled this as it seemed so unlikely, I thought it couldn’t possibly be true. Fucking hell. It is.

And let’s not forget the vast numbers that get away with rape and sexual assault.

NAMALT, but most are.

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:32

@GoodChat and what is your opinion, men are all jerks!!!

ClairDeLaLune · 15/02/2023 08:33

Which sex starts all the wars?

Ofbollocks · 15/02/2023 08:33

There are lots of good men. The ones that cheat are doing it with women that are equally awful.
Press and social media only focus on the scandal. Everything's a risk, but you've got to live and try, rather than being afraid of what what might happen. It's important to maintain independence. I think this is the key.

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:33

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:32

@GoodChat and what is your opinion, men are all jerks!!!

No. That's not what I said. I said that OP needs to consider people don't post here when they're with good men.

plumduck · 15/02/2023 08:33

ClairDeLaLune · 15/02/2023 08:33

Which sex starts all the wars?

If more women were in positions of power are you saying there would be fewer wars?

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:34

ClairDeLaLune · 15/02/2023 08:33

Which sex starts all the wars?

Bad sex.

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:34

At the end of the day men like women and women like men regardless of our differences.

plumduck · 15/02/2023 08:35

A quick Google brings up many articles saying actually women have started many wars

Fimofriend · 15/02/2023 08:35

@PandasAreUseless I don't feel I pull my husband up. I feel that we support eachother and help eachother being the best versions of ourselves. But I am quite aware I am married to someone as rare as a unicorn 🦄. If something happens and we can't be together anymore I'll just be single.

Moopsi · 15/02/2023 08:35

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:31

@Moopsi rather than trying to pick a fight, why don't you accept that people have different views and that is ok, I have never been misogynistic, but I am realistic and tell it as it is, sorry if that offends you.

We're not in the playground. I'm not "picking a fight". I rarely recognise posters but I remember your name having read some absolutely awful, and yes misogynistic, advice to a poster who found out her DH had been sleeping with a prostitute and you blamed the wife for not satisfying her husband.