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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
DoormatBob · 15/02/2023 08:35

The first thing that came to my mind was the post recently where the woman's husband had just found out she has been a secret sex worker for years!

A lot of the affair posts also have a married woman on the other side, or at least they know the man is married but they whip their knickers off anyway! MN is skewed that it is predominantly the female victim posting.

It must be a small percentage of affair scenarios where the female isn't aware and therefore could be considered a victim herself.

BabyOnBoard90 · 15/02/2023 08:35

Bleakhouser · 15/02/2023 08:29

Read the news for a week and take note.

the OP is not the common denominator.

Show quote history

It's entirely sexist and false to suggest cheating is a man thing tbh, lots of women do the same

saraclara · 15/02/2023 08:35

Reverse the sexes and this could be the title of a post on an incel board.

BoxOfCats · 15/02/2023 08:36

Men are crap. I prefer my cats by quite a long way.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2023 08:38

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 08:19

I can imagine what reaction I'd get from the vipers on MN if I posted I'm happily married for 36 years, never cheated on, never abused. I'd get such abuse for snugness, bragging blah blah

Quite honestly if you read MN every night, you're only seeing people with the agenda of "I hate all men", often the same people having name changed because they've done fuck all about moving away from the relationship but want want lots of sympathy.

Stop reading MN and taking it as the real world.

Exactly 👏

ArseMenagerie · 15/02/2023 08:38

plumduck · 15/02/2023 08:35

A quick Google brings up many articles saying actually women have started many wars

Lol

Mooshamoo · 15/02/2023 08:38

Is monogamy natural though?

I think it was imposed by governments in old times.

I dont think it is natural for a lot of humans.

"You can only be with me and no one else".

Maybe we need to accept that men will always be with other women. We also need to be with other men.

pictoosh · 15/02/2023 08:39

I can't stand them either for the most part. It's not entirely their fault. Society indulges and upholds men in becoming the twats they are.
Of course there are genuinely nice men out there...but they're rare.

namechangeforthisbleep · 15/02/2023 08:39

These threads are weird. In my circle non of the husbands are twats. I believe there are lots around but surely people know there are many decent men out there

Sirzy · 15/02/2023 08:40

saraclara · 15/02/2023 08:35

Reverse the sexes and this could be the title of a post on an incel board.

Very true.

DNBU · 15/02/2023 08:40

There are good men, but there are a lot of guys that feel entitled to do whatever the fuck they want.

saraclara · 15/02/2023 08:41

GCAcademic · 15/02/2023 08:32

What is about 33% of British men have a criminal conviction.

I just googled this as it seemed so unlikely, I thought it couldn’t possibly be true. Fucking hell. It is.

And let’s not forget the vast numbers that get away with rape and sexual assault.

NAMALT, but most are.

And 21% of women have criminal convictions, down from 26% a few years ago.

CloakAndTin · 15/02/2023 08:42

You'll get women on here saying "well my man would never cheat, I trust him implicitly. Don't judge all men blah blah", then everyday another thread of a woman exposing a cheating partner and exclaiming he's the last man in the world she would believe would cheat, she can't believe it. They're all capable of it, even the "good" ones.

Cheating is one thing, but my own growing disgust for men and fear for my daughters and granddaughter, comes from the daily bombardment of news reports detailing male violence against women and girls. Murders, rapes, assaults, harassment. Police officers raping and murdering, taking selfies with female murder victims. There was so much on one day recently that I actually wept. I'm starting to think most men don't see women as sentient beings. We really are service humans in their eyes - there to satisfy their wants and needs.

Women are right to be wary of men. How many women have ever placed a hidden camera in a men's toilets? Bought worn mens shoes/underwear as part of a fetish? Put a camera under a changing room door to film a man getting undressed? Posted explicit images of their unknowing partner on a porn sharing site? Deliberately rubbed up against a random male on a busy tube train? Flashed at children in the local park? Phoned a male grooming salon and breathed heavily down the phone or asked the male salon owner what underwear he has on (I used to own a salon - this was a semi regular occurance, along with wanting a detailed description of what a bikini wax involved).

Now, sadly, even our rights to any space away from them are being removed - by men. Even in refuges where most women end up due to male behaviour.

It's a bleak outlook for women I'm afraid.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2023 08:43

I have had two horrible long term relationships with liars and cheats. I have come to the conclusion that all men are ultimately vile

This is so silly.

You have had two bad relationships but all men are vile 🤦🏻‍♀️

I had a horrible marriage, now over, with a man I met at 20. My previous long term boyfriend was immature & cheated. I have stayed single - no dating at all - for 10 years. So my relationship history is not good.

However I don't base my judgment of all men on that! I am not sure if I'll have a relationship again. I would really like to think so. I couldn't till now due to raising DC, trauma from my marriage & personal choice (eg not into casual relationships).

But it isn't led me to label all men as vile. That's appalling.

pictoosh · 15/02/2023 08:43

To add, it's not specifically cheating I'm taking about here. I've never been cheated on actually. It's the selfish, childish, entitled, lazy, aggressive, bossy, arrogant, nasty, patronising stupidity of them I object to.

No...not all men. But a fuckton of them enough. Wankers.

pictoosh · 15/02/2023 08:44

DNBU · 15/02/2023 08:40

There are good men, but there are a lot of guys that feel entitled to do whatever the fuck they want.

This.

SleeplessInEngland · 15/02/2023 08:45

If you read MN all day I can certainly see why you'd have that impression.

Mind you, you'd also think MILs are even worse so I guess (some) women get a bad rep too.

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:46

@Moopsi I pointed out that there was a different perspective, I did not blame her so don't put words in her mouth. Men are highly driven by sex and frequently unfaithful etc., sex is more important to men than for women and the idea of monogamy is unrealistic for some men for this reason. This doesn't make men awful it's just the way they are.

Bichette · 15/02/2023 08:46

I agree and it's not just in personal relationships.
Terrorism
Religious violence
People Trafficking
Drug dealers
School shootings
War
Murder suicides
... I'm sure there's more.

TicketBoo23 · 15/02/2023 08:46

While stats clearly snowmen are responsible for the vast vast majority of violent crime, sex crime etc Inc child sex abuse.

In these cases of cheating you've cited, it's worth noting that

  1. MGK/Colson Baker has an ex who said he cheated on her with Megan Fox. Was MF really unaware of her existence/the relationship?

If you hook up with someone whom cheats, don't be super surprised if they cheat on you.

  1. Joe Wester whatever was cheating with a friend's partner ..... Which means she was equally cheating on a man, with his mate.

So that's two scum bags - of both sexes.

DdraigGoch · 15/02/2023 08:47

PegasusReturns · 15/02/2023 08:12

Earlier this week I read about an 18 yr old girl who was raped in a park in London.

she was then raped by a second unrelated man.

That should have been awful enough but yesterday a jury failed to convict because enough people (and im betting my last £20 - men) believed she consented.

We'll never know what was said in the Jury room, but you may well be wrong. Women believe rape myths too.

Fairyliz · 15/02/2023 08:48

pictoosh · 15/02/2023 08:43

To add, it's not specifically cheating I'm taking about here. I've never been cheated on actually. It's the selfish, childish, entitled, lazy, aggressive, bossy, arrogant, nasty, patronising stupidity of them I object to.

No...not all men. But a fuckton of them enough. Wankers.

@pictoosh
Yes me too.
Im too old to bother about the sex but it’s men’s sheer entitlement that gets to me. The feeling that they are superior and women are there to serve them.

Sux2buthen · 15/02/2023 08:49

Nobody is all great or all bad.
There are lovely people that make mistakes and not so nice people that do occasional good things.
No one is perfect, male or female.

Humanwoman · 15/02/2023 08:49

Lots of men are awful. They want to scare or hurt women and hold power over them. They don't see women as actual people rather things to be used to get what they want.
The people who fire back woman cheat too or not all men have no interest in addressing the issue, they just want women to shut up about it.

This is what's happening, women are being quieter about it but they are also avoiding men now. Hence the rise of the lonely single man.

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 15/02/2023 08:51

CloakAndTin · 15/02/2023 08:42

You'll get women on here saying "well my man would never cheat, I trust him implicitly. Don't judge all men blah blah", then everyday another thread of a woman exposing a cheating partner and exclaiming he's the last man in the world she would believe would cheat, she can't believe it. They're all capable of it, even the "good" ones.

Cheating is one thing, but my own growing disgust for men and fear for my daughters and granddaughter, comes from the daily bombardment of news reports detailing male violence against women and girls. Murders, rapes, assaults, harassment. Police officers raping and murdering, taking selfies with female murder victims. There was so much on one day recently that I actually wept. I'm starting to think most men don't see women as sentient beings. We really are service humans in their eyes - there to satisfy their wants and needs.

Women are right to be wary of men. How many women have ever placed a hidden camera in a men's toilets? Bought worn mens shoes/underwear as part of a fetish? Put a camera under a changing room door to film a man getting undressed? Posted explicit images of their unknowing partner on a porn sharing site? Deliberately rubbed up against a random male on a busy tube train? Flashed at children in the local park? Phoned a male grooming salon and breathed heavily down the phone or asked the male salon owner what underwear he has on (I used to own a salon - this was a semi regular occurance, along with wanting a detailed description of what a bikini wax involved).

Now, sadly, even our rights to any space away from them are being removed - by men. Even in refuges where most women end up due to male behaviour.

It's a bleak outlook for women I'm afraid.

This is absolutely spot on.