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Original poster

DH regrets baby name

181 replies

regretter · 14/02/2023 15:38

It's a long long story, but basically my H regrets the name we've given our DD. She's now 6 months old.

I suppose I pushed for the name more than he did, however he did agree to use it. It's a lovely name and not at all weird.

What would you do about this? There's no way we can change the name and I think it's just unhelpful to even mention the dislike / regret, as we won't do anything about it. It's just his way of getting at me, I think.

I usually let him make decisions/ final calls on stuff, because if I make the final call and he isn't sure, I never hear the end of it. He calls me a cop out, but I just can't be bothered to hear him complain if he doesn't like something. With the name thing, the final call was mine in a way, although he absolutely agreed we should just go with it.

OP posts:
DismantledKing · 14/02/2023 16:21

The problem here is that that he’s an arsehole

ohyouknowwhatshername · 14/02/2023 16:25

DismantledKing · 14/02/2023 16:21

The problem here is that that he’s an arsehole

😀Brief and straight to the heart of the matter. I like it.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 14/02/2023 16:25

He is just pd off he didn't get his way.
Is he just looking for a row when he brings it up?
We had chance of a kitten or 2 years ago. Dh said no. Respected that. Then he changed his mind. Dc were over the moon. Whenever he was being a twat he brought up how I had taken the piss out of him by getting them when I knew he didn't want them. Totally untrue. Was so often used as a stick to beat me with.
Was glad when I threw him out. He would be mad now I have 4 ddogs and 2 dcats!
And a nice dh!!

Makemetry · 14/02/2023 16:25

Yeah he’s a dick. I can’t imagine how draining it must be to live with him. The solution to this is not to mess around with your daughter’s name. He’s the problem; not her name.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 14/02/2023 16:30

He sounds awful and manipulative. What do you like about him?

Needmorelego · 14/02/2023 16:33

He just needs to come up with a nickname and always call her that. It can be his special 'thing' with her.
When I was a child my best friends Dad always called me Gladys. My name is not Gladys 🙂
I haven't seen him for about 35 years but I have a feeling if I did bump into him he would say "Alright Gladys".
In 50 years time she can ask him "Dad why have you always called me Twinkle/Pumpy/MooMoo/Lala" because by then he probably won't remember why ("Dunno....ask your mother")

CountryMusicHottie · 14/02/2023 16:38

There is a massive issue with your relationship. He picks at you and blames you for any decisions you make. He’s a horrible person. This isn’t about your child’s name, it’s about who he is.

Pinkypurplecloud · 14/02/2023 16:41

What would happen if you said “Yes, you’re completely right, we shouldn’t have called her Lilly, we should have called her Emily. Let me know when you’ve sorted out the paperwork, birth certificate, passport, bank account details, doctors and nhs records, nursery records etc etc and notified the family and I’ll start calling her Emily. Ball is in your court, but I’m not listening to any more on the subject.”

My hunch is he’d do bugger all about it, he’s just using it as a stick to beat you with. I’d be reconsidering being with someone so miserable.

Original poster
regretter · 14/02/2023 16:55

Pinkypurplecloud · 14/02/2023 16:41

What would happen if you said “Yes, you’re completely right, we shouldn’t have called her Lilly, we should have called her Emily. Let me know when you’ve sorted out the paperwork, birth certificate, passport, bank account details, doctors and nhs records, nursery records etc etc and notified the family and I’ll start calling her Emily. Ball is in your court, but I’m not listening to any more on the subject.”

My hunch is he’d do bugger all about it, he’s just using it as a stick to beat you with. I’d be reconsidering being with someone so miserable.

He would never even suggest any of that. He won't ever change it, because that would be admitting we made a mistake. If I said, I agree that we made a mistake, he'll berate me even more. It's just silly.

It's his personality though to always be looking at the past and things that can't be changed and talk about how he regrets them. It's really annoying because I really don't like to do that. It's wasted energy

OP posts:
butterfliedtwo · 14/02/2023 16:57

He most have some amazing qualities for you to put up with this. I hope.

Original poster
regretter · 14/02/2023 16:57

CountryMusicHottie · 14/02/2023 16:38

There is a massive issue with your relationship. He picks at you and blames you for any decisions you make. He’s a horrible person. This isn’t about your child’s name, it’s about who he is.

When I tell him this behaviour upsets me, he says I should just let him talk and ignore him when he gets like that and to not take him too seriously.

Apparently I take it too seriously when he does it and I'm too sensitive to it. He says I should stop caring about what he thinks and it's just his personality when he's in a mood.

I do try to do that, but if he goes on and on about it, it's hard to ignore.

OP posts:
Wbeezer · 14/02/2023 16:59

I do know someone who changed their babies name, it was a few months in, not quite six perhaps but a decent amount of time. It can be done I'd find it embarrassing!

DarkShade · 14/02/2023 17:01

Oh, yeah, one of those men who use you as a verbal punching bag when they're in a mood. I have one. I deal with it by saying do you really mean that? If he says no, I repeat "say what you mean and mean what you say" until the conversation becomes more effort than it's worth for him.

Companyofwolves · 14/02/2023 17:02

So basically it’s the only thing you have ever had the final say on & he’s now pushing to get his way & making you feel you ought to change it?
If this wasn’t what you say he does with everything then I’d be more inclined to think oh no he really doesn’t like it - can you look at a variation. But because he has to control everything to me it just seems like him not liking you had a say in something. Which is quite scary & incredibly selfish of him. Sorry OP. I wouldn’t back down & I would stop allowing him the ultimate power over everything. It won’t be pleasant but you can’t let him bully you like this 💐

Ellie56 · 14/02/2023 17:04

He sounds like a massive twat. But why not do what he says? When he starts going on just walk out of the room and leave him to moan to himself.

Of course if you dumped him and no longer lived in the same house he would be much easier to ignore...

Fairislefandango · 14/02/2023 17:07

The problem here is that that he’s an arsehole.

^This. It becomes more obvious with each post. Him using you as a verbal punching bag is 'just his personality',is it? What a lovely personality. And you're not allowed to feel upset by it? And when you do, it's your fault for being 'too sensitive'?

He is clearly telling you what kind of a man he is.

Original poster
regretter · 14/02/2023 17:09

Ellie56 · 14/02/2023 17:04

He sounds like a massive twat. But why not do what he says? When he starts going on just walk out of the room and leave him to moan to himself.

Of course if you dumped him and no longer lived in the same house he would be much easier to ignore...

I do try to walk away / ignore it, but it really gets me. It really hurts me that he doesn't like her name now.

Also, he's grumpy in general and his moods have always affected me massively. I don't know why I am not able to ignore it. It just gets into my being somehow. He's usually grumpy about stuff I don't do- like, lack of sex, not enough great cooking, things lacking in the fridge, no socks or whatever no toilet paper etc.

I genuinely do tell him to F off. The other day he nearly had a meltdown because we had no toilet paper.

I do all these things and very occasionally fall short, but it's always picked up on and I am told he ' never ' gets dinner or he ' never ' has clean socks. Which is completely untrue.

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 14/02/2023 17:11

regretter · 14/02/2023 16:57

When I tell him this behaviour upsets me, he says I should just let him talk and ignore him when he gets like that and to not take him too seriously.

Apparently I take it too seriously when he does it and I'm too sensitive to it. He says I should stop caring about what he thinks and it's just his personality when he's in a mood.

I do try to do that, but if he goes on and on about it, it's hard to ignore.

Show quote history

It's not a name problem - it's a him problem...

Ah the old... 'let me be abusive and when you object I'll say it' s a joke'. 😏...

Abuse is not a personality trait...

Do you seriously want your baby daughter to grow up with this crap continually around it??

What will this tell her about relationships??? That men are allowed to be picky /critical /abusive??

What is good about this man??

butterfliedtwo · 14/02/2023 17:12

He's worse with each post. Like PP says, is this what you want your daughter to grow up thinking is normal?

musingsinmidlife · 14/02/2023 17:15

He is allowed to not like her name and he is allowed to voice his opinion. You can't police that or control his perspective or expect him to not say how he feels.

But that seems to be the least of your issues.

toomuchlaundry · 14/02/2023 17:15

What are his redeeming qualities? Will he be like this with your DD when older?

Merryoldgoat · 14/02/2023 17:15

Posts like this are why it’s so important to teach our children to have high standards in relationships and how to expect to be treated.

This man should’ve been told to get lost in the early stages of your relationship. He’s a controlling piece of work who takes pleasure in diminishing you.

You should leave him but you won’t. And you won’t realise that everyone has on here is right until you’ve had more children and more misery.

CountryMusicHottie · 14/02/2023 17:21

regretter · 14/02/2023 16:57

When I tell him this behaviour upsets me, he says I should just let him talk and ignore him when he gets like that and to not take him too seriously.

Apparently I take it too seriously when he does it and I'm too sensitive to it. He says I should stop caring about what he thinks and it's just his personality when he's in a mood.

I do try to do that, but if he goes on and on about it, it's hard to ignore.

Show quote history

I bet if you did ignore him and become less ‘sensitive’ to him blaming you, you would soon see his behaviour escalate.

Men like this like women to feel a bit uneasy, it means they keep control. They like how they can be in charge of the whole mood of the house.

I don’t think this is a relationship that you should remain in.

Moser85 · 14/02/2023 17:25

regretter · 14/02/2023 16:57

When I tell him this behaviour upsets me, he says I should just let him talk and ignore him when he gets like that and to not take him too seriously.

Apparently I take it too seriously when he does it and I'm too sensitive to it. He says I should stop caring about what he thinks and it's just his personality when he's in a mood.

I do try to do that, but if he goes on and on about it, it's hard to ignore.

Show quote history

What...so you're the one who is supposed to do all the emotional work by ignoring him and doing loads of mental gymnastics so that you don't take his criticism too seriously..........but he thinks he should get to carry on as he does?

How about he learns to take control of his 'personality' when he's in a mood and stop being a moany bastard.

redundantsoon · 14/02/2023 17:28

butterfliedtwo · 14/02/2023 15:49

He sounds exhausting. Agree this isn't about the name. He's annoyed to not have gotten his way.

Tell him he agreed, it's her name, and that's it.

Agree with this.

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