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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH regrets baby name

181 replies

regretter · 14/02/2023 15:38

It's a long long story, but basically my H regrets the name we've given our DD. She's now 6 months old.

I suppose I pushed for the name more than he did, however he did agree to use it. It's a lovely name and not at all weird.

What would you do about this? There's no way we can change the name and I think it's just unhelpful to even mention the dislike / regret, as we won't do anything about it. It's just his way of getting at me, I think.

I usually let him make decisions/ final calls on stuff, because if I make the final call and he isn't sure, I never hear the end of it. He calls me a cop out, but I just can't be bothered to hear him complain if he doesn't like something. With the name thing, the final call was mine in a way, although he absolutely agreed we should just go with it.

OP posts:

drpet49 · 14/02/2023 15:39

Well yes you can change the name.

Original poster

regretter · 14/02/2023 15:41

drpet49 · 14/02/2023 15:39

Well yes you can change the name.

There is absolutely no way we would do that. I can guarantee it.

OP posts:

BigglyBee · 14/02/2023 15:41

This isn't about the name, is it? It sounds like it's much more about you having the final say, rather than bowing to his superior name-choosing skills.

Ignore him.

Original poster

regretter · 14/02/2023 15:44

BigglyBee · 14/02/2023 15:41

This isn't about the name, is it? It sounds like it's much more about you having the final say, rather than bowing to his superior name-choosing skills.

Ignore him.

It's definitely always a thing with us. Say if we choose anything for the house, he'll ask for my opinion, we go back and forth- but if we can end up going with ' my ' pick and he doesn't like it- I never hear the end of it.

Same for holidays/ any kind of trip. If he didn't really want to go on it or whatever, but then decided to do it, I never ever hear the end of it- for the entire trip. He just ruins it.

OP posts:

Rainbowsallover · 14/02/2023 15:46

Is there a nickname or like a shorter version of the name that he could use if he's so against it? I wouldn't change the name either if it's something that was originally agreed upon. He'll probably get used to it anyway over time.

xogossipgirlxo · 14/02/2023 15:46

Find a nickname

Meandfour · 14/02/2023 15:47

Why won’t you change it? Can it be shortened so there’s a nickname he is happy with?

butterfliedtwo · 14/02/2023 15:49

He sounds exhausting. Agree this isn't about the name. He's annoyed to not have gotten his way.

Tell him he agreed, it's her name, and that's it.

BigglyBee · 14/02/2023 15:50

There's a really good chance to learn one of the Great Parenting Truths here. If you have a whiny toddler who learns that x or y behaviour will make you do anything she wants to make it stop, then you will see much more of that behaviour, until you are overwhelmed with it in response to the least little thing.

Once the pattern is established, it is hard to break, but it can be done. You need to be clear that this will no longer work, and stick to your guns. The technique for a controlling man is different and involves longer words, but a degree of firmness and some short term disharmony are needed in both cases. Unless you decide that you no longer want to be married to a controlling man, in which case there is a shorter, sharper solution. However, I am assuming that you want to keep your family together. I would also strongly suggest some sort of marriage counselling (although others may know more about the wisdom of doing that with a partner who has controlling tendencies).

Redebs · 14/02/2023 15:51

You can decide on a new name and use that instead. No need to change it officially.

purpledalmation · 14/02/2023 15:51

Tell him he can choose the next childs name (provided you agree its not too odd). You did the work of bringing the baby into the world. I think that gives you the final say

HiddenGiraffes · 14/02/2023 15:51

He sounds like a total prick.

HiddenGiraffes · 14/02/2023 15:53

Please ignore everyone saying you should change the name either officially or informally. He can use whatever pet name/nickname he wants, but you don't need to bow to him on this. You agreed on her name and gave it her. And you carried and birthed her. He can suck up not being boss for once.

Original poster

regretter · 14/02/2023 15:54

She also has two middle names btw. We can call her Lilly - Rose for example ( just an example ). But he also doesn't want to do that.

OP posts:

shhsleepin · 14/02/2023 15:56

You still like the name, he agreed to it, no need to change the name in my opinion. This is him being a dick.

StampOnTheGround · 14/02/2023 15:57

People saying you can change the name are ridiculous, she's 6 months not 6 days, you don't just change a babies name after that long.

SalviaOfficinalis · 14/02/2023 16:00

Meandfour · 14/02/2023 15:47

Why won’t you change it? Can it be shortened so there’s a nickname he is happy with?

Presumably because she put a lot of thought into picking her favourite name. And has given birth to the baby.

Why should OP settle for a name she doesn’t like as much, when they had agreed on a name.

It sounds like your DH just enjoys the game of getting his own way. It sounds exhausting tbh.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/02/2023 16:01

ignore him, if he had a strong dislike to it he should have said beforehand. He needs to get a grip and stop being so controlling

Original poster

regretter · 14/02/2023 16:05

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/02/2023 16:01

ignore him, if he had a strong dislike to it he should have said beforehand. He needs to get a grip and stop being so controlling

There's such a massive story behind it. We went back and forth for a very long time and both agreed it was the name we were going to use.

OP posts:

Gonnagetacatwhenimovein · 14/02/2023 16:08

ignore him. If he moans about it say ‘oh well’ or ‘that’s a shame’ and move on in the conversation.
if he’s doing it to get at you, then don’t give him the satisfaction.

DarkShade · 14/02/2023 16:10

If he agreed to it then he's being unreasonable. Tell him he can choose a personal nickname for her that only he uses, and that you don't want it mentioned again.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/02/2023 16:15

I would call his bluff.

Say, "Sorry to hear you've had such a change of heart regarding the name. I still like it, but if you're not happy, we can change it. I'll leave you to do all the necessary paperwork, but as a first step, do you want to come up with a shortlist of suitable alternatives and I'll let you know which ones I like?"

He won't do anything, but you'll have put the ball in his court. And if he mentions it again, you just innocently ask how he's getting on with the shortlist.

Sugargliderwombat · 14/02/2023 16:20

Just ignore him! This is his issue and tell him to stop saying how much he regrets it as he's ruining it.

autienotnaughty · 14/02/2023 16:20

I'd stop taking ownership of responsibility. It may have been 'your' name but you chose it together. If he complains I'd just say 'that's a shame' or 'that must be difficult' and ask him what he wants to do about it.

FrostyBits · 14/02/2023 16:20

Do YOU like the name? If you do then stick with it, he agreed to it and now he just wants to be in control of everything.

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