Page 5 | To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 2023-02-14T09:05:08+00:00

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience. It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive. Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

fridaytwattery · 14/02/2023 10:15

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 09:49

Teenagers play football in park shocker. FGS it’s the park not a crack den, perfectly acceptable place for kids their age to be.

Do you expect the parents to go with them OP when they’re teenagers?

What are they doing that is intimidating other than playing football in the way children their age do?

Your kids are 2 and 6 so presumably you’d supervise them at the park - I don’t understand why you can’t go?

I have to stay I can’t stand parents who are still in the ‘small child’ bubble and think every space is reserved for the little darlings. Where are teenagers supposed to go? They’re outdoors, they’ve stayed local, they’re not drinking or doing anything dodgy. Nothing to see here!

Where are teens supposed to go? Not in a play area for toddlers/young kids. If they haven't got somewhere to go (or feel they can't go as OP has said there is a park 5mins away) then that is something that needs resolving, absolutely. But it's not ok to take over the toddler play park and play footie there so that toddlers can't use it without risk of being hit by the ball or their parent getting sworn at when reasonably asked to keep the ball low.

Why aren't parents telling their older kids that toddler parks are for toddlers? I did with mine.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 10:15

watcherintherye · 14/02/2023 09:56

I know it’s annoying for you in the short term, but you can take your children further afield presumably. Is there a playground in the park 5 mins away?

The reason they like playing football in an enclosed space where the ball bounces, is because it means they’re not spending half their time retrieving the ball. What you’re hearing and seeing just sounds like a normal football game.

Footballs aren’t made of real leather anymore. They’re all synthetic and much lighter than old leather ones. The real leather balls of yesteryear have been implicated in some former players’ brain damage sustained from heading the ball.

When your children are older you’ll hopefully appreciate the benefits to them of playing out rather than being stuck in front of a screen.

The children you are talking about (you originally said 10-12) are at the age when they are becoming more independent prior to going to secondary school, probably in September, maybe some of them there already? Parents accompanying everywhere and supervising just doesn’t happen routinely at that age. Many children of similar ages are getting themselves to school and back, going into town etc. on public transport or walking on their own/in groups. Constant supervision is neither desirable or possible at that age.

When OP said 10-12 she was talking about quantity not age

Original poster

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 10:16

FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 14/02/2023 09:55

Let me know how your kids get on with their peers when they are 10-12 and having you down supervising them at the park each time they are out with their friends.

It will soon turn into 'total lockdown' because they won't be invited anywhere with their mum trailing along.

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You, like a previous poster, seem to really relish the idea of my kids being lonely and unhappy in the future as it will 'teach me a less' somehow. I think you should maybe have a look at yourselves as it is an incredibly horrible way to talk about children.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 14/02/2023 10:16

I am 100% certain that the many posters completely missing the point that there is an actual public football pitch park 5 mins away - are mums of precious 'boys will be boys'. And we must bow down to them.

Inkpotlover · 14/02/2023 10:16

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 10:13

I'm really sorry I appreciate this is meant helpfully, but they are not interested in building any rapport with me, they want to play their game - which I fully understand! And tbh whilst I am playing camp counsellor as you suggest, all they will be hearing is 'blah blah blah' and my own kids will be going without my attention (which in the case of the 2yo is really needed as she's still at the stage of climbing up onto the climbing frame and then just throwing herself off for shits and giggles). I'm not there to make friends with them or take them to task, I'm just there to get my little ones out in the fresh air for a bit, and am more than happy to use the space considerately with them if they will for us. But they won't.

It's not like I'm hostile to these kids, they're (pretty much) all from the local primary and the local area, I've watched them grow up for the last 4 years or so from wee kids as my eldest grew up from a baby. I know they're children, and can't be expected to be perfect. Which is why I feel their parents either need to ensure they use the playground as a multipurpose space in a considerate way, or provide them with access to a more appropriate venue.

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If you know the kids, why not have a word with their parents? I mean, it would make you That Mum, but it sounds like stopping them playing there is the only outcome you'll be satisfied with.

Parisj · 14/02/2023 10:16

I wonder if its actually the parents wanting them to stay a bit closer to home, over protective rather than underprotective - or actually that this little tribe have found 'their place' away from bigger scarier children who they might get trouble from in the park. I get your point, but I don't think teenagers or boisterousness should be demonised. They were unpleasant to you, though. Or one was.

BradfordBorn · 14/02/2023 10:17

Sucessinthenewyear · 14/02/2023 09:13

I have small children and I have never found young teenagers to be threatening. In fact I alway find them to be very sweet my young children. If they are taking up all the space or being too rough just ask them to move or be gentle.

Are you actually trying to use the small play park?

Same where I live. We took the girls to some rides and had a McDonald's across the road. A gang of teens came and sat very close behind us, stinking of weed and being boisterous. My younger two looked at me and I kept calm and said don't worry. They dropped a few F bombs but then calmed down when they realised no reaction from anyone (other families there too). They were a bit giddy but they didn't interact with anyone or hurt us. My DH said all I could think was, where's their parents? It was quite late at this point in the town centre (we don't normally have the DCs out that late,one off).
Even in the park they just keep themselves to themselves. They look intimidating yes but never any trouble. I remember being like that myself, so I do try to understand and let them get on with it (if they aren't causing trouble that is). When they were in the baby play area, I just went in regardless, didn't say anything, carried on as normal and they moved off (plenty of times this has happened).
We did have some teens smashing bottles in our road and in that case stay in house and phone 101. The police moved them on. We wouldn't go in a park when it's dark or the playgrounds on the estate nearby. During day - fine. It's dogs that worry me more tbh. Definitely a problem where I am.

Original poster

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 10:18

Inkpotlover · 14/02/2023 10:16

If you know the kids, why not have a word with their parents? I mean, it would make you That Mum, but it sounds like stopping them playing there is the only outcome you'll be satisfied with.

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I don't know their parents to the point of having their numbers/addresses, nodding terms only as my kids are in different age brackets; and as the parents don't come to the playground any more, I can't discuss with them. Unless I follow the boys home, which I think we can all agree would be wildly inappropriate :P

OP posts:

Littleloveydovey · 14/02/2023 10:18

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 10:16

You, like a previous poster, seem to really relish the idea of my kids being lonely and unhappy in the future as it will 'teach me a less' somehow. I think you should maybe have a look at yourselves as it is an incredibly horrible way to talk about children.

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I’m not going to lie. You seem quite adept at being horrible yourself. I’m not sure you’ve the moral high ground to be chastising others .

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 10:19

GoodChat · 14/02/2023 10:02

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl but it's not a space for the age group of the children playing there. It's a space for younger children.

They can ask for parents to remind their children to be mindful of others sharing the same space as them, regardless.

There IS a space behind the benches though (I really have a hard time believing teen boys play a tough game ENTIRELY between play equipment, as someone whose kids play football this would be counterproductive). Perfectly fine to play football in a free space.

Inkpotlover · 14/02/2023 10:19

arethereanyleftatall · 14/02/2023 10:16

I am 100% certain that the many posters completely missing the point that there is an actual public football pitch park 5 mins away - are mums of precious 'boys will be boys'. And we must bow down to them.

If you're going to get nasty, I'd rather be that than one of the 'my girl is so fragile, don't play near her' mums brigade. And I have a girl!

Littleloveydovey · 14/02/2023 10:21

Which is why I feel their parents either need to ensure they use the playground as a multipurpose space in a considerate way, or provide them with access to a more appropriate venue

how will they do this exactly op? With all your wisdom on how to parent. How will they ensure this?

HVPRN · 14/02/2023 10:21

Yikes, you're not getting the answer/response to your moan on here so attacking every suggestion. I'm sure they're not there 08:00-20:00 so pop along when they're least likely to be there. Or walk the five minutes to the other park

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/02/2023 10:21

Logburnerperils · 14/02/2023 10:14

Parents of boys don't like parenting it seems. I noticed it from nursery age. Whole class parties where parents of girls watch their kids and interact. Parents of boys glued to their phones why little Johnny stamps all the balloons and rips down decorations and people using the boys will be boys crap.

What a load of shite. What is it with the hatred of males on MN? It starts from before they are born, threads about gender disappointment, its never about girls. then it moves onto young boisterous boys, then lazy greedy whatever else teenagers then men. Its depressing.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/02/2023 10:21

Not remotely nasty @Inkpotlover . Factual. Unfortunately. The patriarchy doesn't come from nowhere.

millymae · 14/02/2023 10:21

We have exactly the same problem here - for some reason the older kids like nothing better than to congregate in the play area intended for the little ones even though there are plenty of areas close by for them which have equipment and play spaces for football, basketball etc
Some will move away when they see little ones wanting to play in the pretend shop and on the train and slide but others go out of their way to be obnoxious. I tend to think that these are the children of the ‘I’ll park where I want, do what I want and leave my dog’s poo behind brigade” and that if they have been brought up that way, they don’t see what they are doing as being unfair to the little ones or in any way wrong.
Where I live there are plenty of outdoor and indoor alternatives for older kids so it isn’t a case of there not being anything for them. To be fair to the preteens though, the larger park is moreorless a no go area for them from dusk onwards so they are only doing to the little ones what the drinkers and drug takers are doing to them.
I use our toddler park quite a lot and despair at what I see and hear especially if I’m there at end of school time or after tea. There is a litter bin in each corner yet there are pop bottles sweet wrappers, and cigarette butts all over the floor, and as to the constant spitting don’t get me started. The shop and train often have bits torn off them and there is graffiti all over the metal bars and the seats round the edge. Parents have to take some responsibility for this. As kids we were allowed a lot of freedom to go out and play but we were brought up to be polite to others and respect other people’s property. We were also never allowed to go out on our bikes unless the lights were working. I see so many kids out on bikes nowadays without lights and in dark clothes and wonder if their parents really care about them.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 10:22

Logburnerperils · 14/02/2023 10:14

Parents of boys don't like parenting it seems. I noticed it from nursery age. Whole class parties where parents of girls watch their kids and interact. Parents of boys glued to their phones why little Johnny stamps all the balloons and rips down decorations and people using the boys will be boys crap.

TBH I find parents of girls to treat them like they’re special, better than boys and superior to everyone around them. The way my son has been allowed to be treated by girls in all-girl families is disgusting. Just my experience though

Original poster

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 10:22

Mrsjayy · 14/02/2023 09:55

You want parents of 12 year olds to sit on a bench watching them '? Will you do this with your own children just follow them about the park .

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No not watching them. Reading a book, scrolling their phone, catching up on their knitting, whatever. In fact in my book they don't need to be there at all if they're in the park, as there's plenty of room for football without getting into the toddler's play area.

But others were saying the tweens can't use the park because of older kids, so in that case for the safety of the tweens having a parent on standby is apparently necessary in the park.

In the toddlers' playground, a parent is necessary not for the safety of the tweens but for the safety of the toddlers.

It does seem like it might be a difficult age to cater for, but that is the job of the parents of kids of that age group. I shall have to square the circle myself when my time comes (hopefully without fulfilling PP's fantasies of decimating my daughters' social lives!).

OP posts:

bewilderedhedgehog · 14/02/2023 10:23

BethDuttonsTwin · 14/02/2023 09:18

I agree with you but MNetters love pontificating about the need to learn “independence” and “responsibility” while conveniently ignoring that their darlings are making other people’s lives difficult while they supposedly learn these skills and said MNetters pat themselves on the back for not being like those foolish “helicopter” parents who don’t allow their kids out to piss about aimlessly annoying others.

This. There is a great sense of entitlement from many people (not all). It is one of the reasons why so many children (not all) are very badly behaved, making life difficult and annoying for everyone else

FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 14/02/2023 10:23

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 10:16

You, like a previous poster, seem to really relish the idea of my kids being lonely and unhappy in the future as it will 'teach me a less' somehow. I think you should maybe have a look at yourselves as it is an incredibly horrible way to talk about children.

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I don't relish it at all. I have a childin that age range who cannot go out for various reasons and it's no way to live.

You, however seem to like a bit of a drama and victimising yourself somewhat, so I'll take what you say about these lads with a pinch of salt.

Littleloveydovey · 14/02/2023 10:24

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 10:22

No not watching them. Reading a book, scrolling their phone, catching up on their knitting, whatever. In fact in my book they don't need to be there at all if they're in the park, as there's plenty of room for football without getting into the toddler's play area.

But others were saying the tweens can't use the park because of older kids, so in that case for the safety of the tweens having a parent on standby is apparently necessary in the park.

In the toddlers' playground, a parent is necessary not for the safety of the tweens but for the safety of the toddlers.

It does seem like it might be a difficult age to cater for, but that is the job of the parents of kids of that age group. I shall have to square the circle myself when my time comes (hopefully without fulfilling PP's fantasies of decimating my daughters' social lives!).

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Please don’t do this to your kids when they are older. Follow them out to play with their mates. Give them no freedom. They will have no friends if you do.

try to assume you maybe aren’t the parenting guru and listen to what folks are telling you?

BethFromThisIsUs · 14/02/2023 10:25

I don’t think it’s realistic that there would be direct supervision but I absolutely agree that the parents should be aware of where they are and what they’re doing.

its not good enough to just open the door for a child of 8-12 and say “off you go then, see you when I see you”.

i see that a lot around here. Posts on the Facebook group “my 9 year old hasn’t come home, has anyone seen him??” Not good enough.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 10:25

Parisj · 14/02/2023 10:16

I wonder if its actually the parents wanting them to stay a bit closer to home, over protective rather than underprotective - or actually that this little tribe have found 'their place' away from bigger scarier children who they might get trouble from in the park. I get your point, but I don't think teenagers or boisterousness should be demonised. They were unpleasant to you, though. Or one was.

I honestly think anything meant for older kids is taken over by gangs of ‘big boys’ who are only too happy to push the pre teens around.

In my friend’s local large park there have been concerns about county lines recruitment - which is the extreme end of the wedge but still, don’t assume that it is safe just because it is available.

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 10:25

Oh dear

Id love to see you try to sit and knit while supervising your 12 yo in the park

😂

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 10:27

arethereanyleftatall · 14/02/2023 10:21

Not remotely nasty @Inkpotlover . Factual. Unfortunately. The patriarchy doesn't come from nowhere.

What is factual? That some people on MN hate males even little boys. Yes I find that to be true