To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

[MaybeIWillFuckOffThen]

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

10-12 is a funny age group, they aren't quite teens yet, and often get picked on by teens (who are probably at the football pitch) but then deemed too old to be playing at a park.

They look scary because yours are still little, when yours hit that age you'll think differently.

Not sure how you think the parents should be supervising at that age, do you think they should be down at the park making sure they behave? Chances are they have given them rules when they go out, the alternative would be to have them indoors all the time instead of out getting fresh air and exercising.

Round here the playgrounds have signs saying what age they are for. Does yours? If it does and says it’s for little kids I would point that out to the boys and then if that doesn’t work, report to council. (Repeatedly if necessary). Also agree about reporting to their school if you know which it is.

I’m not anti playing out per se but these boys have other places to go where they wouldn’t be a hazard to small children. I’m angry for you.

YANBU judging by most of the comments here it's easy to see how kids are allowed to run riot.

They do.

She said in the OP there's a huge area they can play football 5 minutes walk away.

OP I think you need to contact who ever owns the park.

Kids will play irresponsibly in small areas because they aren't yet completely developed to understand the full effect of their behaviour on others.

But they also know right from wrong at that age so if another adults point it out they should go elsewhere.

But it's very unusual for children 8+ to be unsupervised in housing estate parks and local leisure centres.

You know when you’ve got a baby at soft play or toddler group and you get irate at the toddler “big kids” spoiling it and “being tough around your baby” - and then when yours is three and toddling around occasionally bumping into a baby you realise how bloody ridiculous you were. This is the same thing.

You can’t seriously be suggesting parents come and watch their teenagers at the park like toddlers.

And yes, teenage girls don’t generally go outside and play football in groups - that’s not a good thing, they’d probably benefit from the exercise.

Playing out is fine - it’s the fact they haven’t been taught not to dominate an area meant for small children that’s problematic. I’m not sure how you’d go about handling it.

10-12 is young enough to play there reasonably but the behaviour is the issue.

If there’s a big park just up the road more suited to football it does seem like they’ve got options.

This is a very good point! My pre-teen nephew has had his ball/coat/glasses stolen and been teased by teens at the 'big park' when he's gone there with his friends for a kick about.

👏👏👏

That's a fair point actually. There's a good chance a few of their parents have specifically forbidden them from going there to avoid them getting mixed up in the wrong crowd.

So when do you give them more freedom ?

Typical conversation, only ever initiated after a flying ball has either hit me or one of my kids or the pram, or come within an inch or so of doing so:

Me: hi lads, could you please keep the ball down low? There's little kids playing here, you might hit them.
Them: either yeah, yeah, alright alright OR Yeah but if you just keep them out of the way it's not a problem is it? OR once, memorably, 'fuck off'.

Some variation of this can occur up to three times, with the aggravation rising on both sides, until I usually take the kids away to avoid saying something I'd regret.

Shall I come and play hockey in a restaurant? It's a venue totally unsuitable for football. It's not safe.

@MrWhippersnapper freedom and being allowed to do whatever they like are completely different things.

This could be true re older teens on the actual football pitch. People in general need to be more considerate of each other though.

I agree with a pp re teen girls benefitting from more exercise

I do take this point, I do. This is part of my issue, although they seem like giants compared to mine, I know they're only young kids. It's just they seem so utterly unable to share the space. There's an almost completely unused area at the back with benches they could kick about in, but they play right in between all the equipment and they run all over the place.

Yanbu op. We all know how the parks and public spaces are prioritised.

1. Men playing football
2. Older teenage boys playing football
3. Younger teenage boys playing football

. . . . . . 100. Females and children under 10.

Of course YANBU, OP.
If it were the boys' parents writing this, with 'AIBU for allowing my son to play football in a toddler playground?', they'd be absolutely slated. So I'm not sure what has happened in this thread

I would have thought the idea would be the parents teach them how to behave responsibly first, and then release them into the wild, rather than the other way round?

So when would you give them more freedom ? They’re around secondary age

tbh yeah, I think if you know your boys are going out to play footie in a kids playground one parent should be around (minding their own business of course) to supervise if needed. I'm talking about the 8-12 bracket here, they're not 'teens' per se who need a ton of privacy to socialise. It's not like the options are 'zero parental input' or 'lockdown' is it?

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen which is exactly what I said in my first response.

To those saying kids need to play out, where else should they go etc etc

The point is this is a young child/toddler playground, it's not ok to take it away from that age group because there isn't one for preteens. If your preteen has nowhere to go or the larger park has intimidating older teens there (and yes this happened to my son and his mates at that age) you contact the local council about it. What you shouldn't do is excuse the behaviour of taking away a play space for much younger kids.

Hahaha! I'd love to be a fly on the wall when your DC are the same age and you're sitting on a bench 'supervising' them! They certainly wouldn't be part of a group of friends, they'd be all alone and ostracised for having a crazy mother who didn't give them any freedom, not even to walk along a beach singing to themselves!

Because the parents aren't allowing it. They're just not aware.

I agree, complete abdication of responsibility. Their kids are behaving anti socially and they don’t know or care. It’s someone else’s problem - yours in this case. I have teens - they know this is antisocial behaviour!!

Practically, your best bet is to ask the council to put a notice on the gate saying “This play are is for children aged 2-6”. (Or whatever). Tell the council it’s dangerous for your small kids to use.

this happened near me. Tiny play park within sight of my house. When my kids were little, it always had teens drinking in there. They broke one of the little rockers. (Council removed rather than fixed). Council put a notice up as above.

what a load of crap that there’s nothing for them to do. The op says there’s a large park 5 mins away. I bet the large park has equipment that a 10yo could use. Plus, it’s the responsibility of the parents to find something for the kids to do if they are the type to get bored. It’s parenting. And seemingly quite out of fashion.