To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

[MaybeIWillFuckOffThen]

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

Ask again when yours are 13-16 and see if you still feel the same :)

Did you never play out ?

Perhaps you should be more concerned that the pre teens have nowhere else to play football? Yours will be pre teen one day. I don’t have kids but I remember most people were allowed to go out as pre teens without parental supervision.

The park will be the town/parish/borough council's responsibility (there's probably a sign somewhere), contact them.

Kids of that age should be playing out, but shouldn't have been brought up to ignore the needs of others.

All the time but I was a quiet and solitary type - just used to walk up and down the beach singing to myself and making up stories most of the time :P So unlikely to bother anyone bar the odd seagull. My parents had nothing to worry about.

If I knew my boisterous lad was off out to play football with his boisterous friends, I might check where they were planning to do it and remind them to be considerate of others.

Pre teens and early teens shouldn’t have parents hovering around them all the time. They need to have time away from their parents because it’s a natural part of child development and those boys have as much right to play in a play area as your child. If they are taking over an area meant for little ones then I’d be asking what provision the council has made for older ones. If it hasn’t made any then you blame the council, not the kids and their parents who have been left with nowhere to hang out during the school holidays.

Make the most of your little park during term time, the older ones will be back at school on a few days.

There's never anything for that age group to do. Nothing they would want anyway.
I remember hanging round smoking and drinking and other things my mum would have hated if she'd known.

those were the days

Perhaps you should be more concerned that the pre teens have nowhere else to play football?

It's right there in the op. There is a massive park 5 minutes away.

They do. There's a bloody massive park 5 mins down the road with football pitches and goal posts. They just prefer not to get muddy it seems - and seem to exult in the drama if cracking the ball off the brick walls which I suppose you couldn't do in a park.

I have small children and I have never found young teenagers to be threatening. In fact I alway find them to be very sweet my young children. If they are taking up all the space or being too rough just ask them to move or be gentle.

Are you actually trying to use the small play park?

Bloody. Massive. Park. Five. Minutes. Away.

And it is term time where we are still. Next week will be far worse 😖

Maybe their parents have told them to be considerate before they go out, but being kids, they don’t always remember to apply that while they’re playing. Maybe their parents do want to vaguely supervise and would prefer their kids to play closer to home rather than go off to the further away park.

They're not threatening, just inconsiderate. I have asked them. The best response I have ever had is "yeah sorry, but why don't you just keep them out of the way yeah?" Mostly I get ignored, sometimes I get cheeked and scowled at. I always ask politely, as i am mindful these are other people's children and there are plenty who would say it is not my place to discipline them (despite the fact no-one else is bothering to do so).

Of course i'm trying to use the small playpark, or I wouldn't have a problem would i? What a weird question.

I don't think it's parents abdicating responsibility. They have to let their children have independence at some point. All they can do is teach their children and hope they make the right choices.

If they don't know that their children are causing an inconvenience for others, they can't do anything about it.

I highly doubt they're playing with leather balls.

In small parks there's normally a sign with a phone number to report damage etc.

You could try contacting them and ask for a warden to be sent round.

In what possible way can you 'vaguely supervise' if you're not there?

In my book 'vaguely supervising' would be escorting them to the (massive) park and then give them the run of it, whilst remaining available on a bench minding your own business unless you're needed. The parents could take it in turns?

I agree with you but MNetters love pontificating about the need to learn “independence” and “responsibility” while conveniently ignoring that their darlings are making other people’s lives difficult while they supposedly learn these skills and said MNetters pat themselves on the back for not being like those foolish “helicopter” parents who don’t allow their kids out to piss about aimlessly annoying others.

I will indeed, i have wondered if this is perception bias due to mine being young. However, and I am sad that this seems to be relevant, but mine are girls - presumably there are also pre-teen and teen girls around the area, but they seem to find things to do/places to go that don't involve rushing around hurling projectiles and swearing near toddlers. Perhaps mine will buck this trend but time will tell!

When you have spoken to them what did you say? Did you 'have a word' or did you 'tell them off'? Ultimately they are just playing, the same as the young children are just playing. Just a different way of playing that seems scary when they are towering over the little ones. And I see no problem with letting kids that age go out to play football with their mates. Supervising a 12yo at the park with their friends would be OTT.

I find that pre-teens/teens tend to be understanding if you level with them and talk to them with the respect that you expect back. Ask them if they wouldn't mind playing elsewhere for a while as their football game is a bit rough and intimidating for little ones. Be friendly and smile, think of it as asking them for a favour rather than telling them off.

Please come back when yours are teens. They’re kids playing football

I understand the frustration but honestly sometimes the 10-12 year old boys are in a playground because the football pitches in the big park have large and scary 14-15 year olds on them!

Why do you doubt it when I've seen it and told you they are? Any reason other than just assuming i'm a liar?

If they don't know that their children are causing an inconvenience for others, they can't do anything about it.

That is sort of exactly my point. It's an abdication of responsibility.

If it's term time and they're in uniform, can you contact the school and ask them to send a newsletter out to parents about it, won't necessarily cure it but it may help.

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen I'm not calling you a liar - it's just really rare for children to have proper leather balls these days.

It's not an abdication of responsibility. They can't stand and watch their teenagers constantly. How will they ever learn?

Exactly this - the big park will have bigger boys. Not saying it's ok, and their attitude sounds unacceptable, but that'll most likely be the reason they don't go to the park.