To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

[MaybeIWillFuckOffThen]

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

Believe me, there are some appallingly behaved preteen girls round here, caught trespassing, banned from the school bus and even excluded from school for bullying. I warn my (obviously delinquent ) DS to stay out of their way.

What are they gonna send?

”There are children playing football in a children’s space” 🙄

Ha bless you (and the seagulls!)

Maybe take your Children to the massive park 5 minutes away?

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl but it's not a space for the age group of the children playing there. It's a space for younger children.

They can ask for parents to remind their children to be mindful of others sharing the same space as them, regardless.

Perhaps not, but if they were there I could have a reasonable conversation about that - whereas there's only so many times I can appeal to the decency of an 11yo without feeling like a bit of a bully tbh.

It’s a public play park 😂 are you saying there’s no open space at all, it’s just the play park fenced in tightly?

So they can... run around on the grass? As opposed to swing, climb, and play on the bouncers, in the playground with equipment designed for children to play on? Sorry I didn't realise that these items were actually merely there to add visual interest to a football pitch cunningly disguised as a play area for children.

I think for that age group it is usually about lack of provision so parents of 9-12 year olds get frustrated with paying council tax but (in our case quite a hefty amount) to see play areas refurbished or built for children up to 7. Where I live in Brighton we had some decent wooden climbing equipment which was definitely aimed at older children, the younger infants had their area to play in. It worked and then the council seemingly got a contract with one of the plastic playground equipment companies, didn't consult the local communities and installed stuff that no children beyond 6/7 want to use. The problem is they still need to use the publicly paid for play areas so to those who have babies and toddlers, these children's presence after school seems inappropriate as they think it is a play area for the under 7s but that wasn't the case and also the 8+ have nowhere to go. Often those with 8-11 year olds don't want their children going to park areas that are dominated by teens as the teens might be smoking or playing football basketball in those areas and parents also have misconceptions about older teens just like parents of infants have about pre teens. I have an almost 16 year old who plays football in parks and would not hurt a fly. In fact, recently a child about 11 left their bag at the park and DS and his friends picked it up to return it to the child but when they called to him he wouldn't stop. They eventually caught up with them and the boy said that he thought they were going to be nasty to him which shows you how ingrained these exaggerated fears are of 'older, scared, children'.

You said in the OP they were teens and pre-teens and now they’re 8 years old?

@MelchiorsMistress you speak a lot of sense

This!

There's probably something going on in the bigger park that's flying right under your radar - bigger boys owning the space, drinking, drugs, territory. This can be happening right under your nose and you won't see it, but 10 - 12 year old boys are acutely aware of where's safe to go and where isn't.

There's also something about having a 'patch' that's there's to muck about in and do their wee crowd rituals.

The issues with the lack of teen girls in public spaces are very well documented and fascinating. I agree boys behaving like this doesn't encourage girls into the space, but they're behaving in a gendered way in a gendered world.

It might be a PITA but actually they're as entitled to be in the public realm as your little ones.

Most big parks I’ve come across, especially those with goals and equipment for older children, have an area fenced off for the younger ones with play equipment. Are you sure the park 5mins away hasn’t got similar?

Independent play is hugely important for kids, mine have always played out.

Part of that is learning to behave without parental supervision

Out of interest why don't you take your kids to the big Park?

Also it sounds like you’re treating your kids like China dolls just because they’re girls. Don’t do that - it’s so damaging. My almost 10yo kicks a football about, I never got squeamish about ‘boys games’

These boys have the same right to be st the park as you do. Regardless of the age range you consider its for - public play spaces are for all children. You're trying to bully them off.

If this was a boisterous/aggressive toddler who made playing uncomfortable for your children and talking to the Mum made no difference - you would put up or leave. It's no different here.

How arrogant are you to assume only your needs/wishes matter?

What age do you think parents need to stop sitting on a bench watching their kids then?

If you don't let older children play out unsupervised they will never learn the skills they need to navigate potentially risky real life.

Why should she when theres a safe enclosed play space designed for YOUNGER children right there? 🙄

I'm really sorry I appreciate this is meant helpfully, but they are not interested in building any rapport with me, they want to play their game - which I fully understand! And tbh whilst I am playing camp counsellor as you suggest, all they will be hearing is 'blah blah blah' and my own kids will be going without my attention (which in the case of the 2yo is really needed as she's still at the stage of climbing up onto the climbing frame and then just throwing herself off for shits and giggles). I'm not there to make friends with them or take them to task, I'm just there to get my little ones out in the fresh air for a bit, and am more than happy to use the space considerately with them if they will for us. But they won't.

It's not like I'm hostile to these kids, they're (pretty much) all from the local primary and the local area, I've watched them grow up for the last 4 years or so from wee kids as my eldest grew up from a baby. I know they're children, and can't be expected to be perfect. Which is why I feel their parents either need to ensure they use the playground as a multipurpose space in a considerate way, or provide them with access to a more appropriate venue.

Parents of boys don't like parenting it seems. I noticed it from nursery age. Whole class parties where parents of girls watch their kids and interact. Parents of boys glued to their phones why little Johnny stamps all the balloons and rips down decorations and people using the boys will be boys crap.

Maybe they do.

Maybe they do have all these conversations with their kids about appropriate behaviour, and treating others with consideration. Maybe their kids give satisfactory responses, and as they riddle off the parents are safe in the knowledge their kids is a good kid.

Except they can’t invisibly follow their child to see how they behave when they’re not there. Parents HAVE to put their trust in kids at some point, but this doesn’t mean a child will behave perfectly when away from mum and dad.

I used to work in a school and you’d be amazed how many parents, when they were called in because their child had misbehaved, we’re gibsmacked at the behaviour and had said they taught them all the right things. And I believed them - you could tell when they were horrified and thought they’re taught their kids better. But kids are not robots who behave perfectly with the right programming, they’re human beings and they will behave imperfectly sometimes.

Oh op; in a few years time you’re going to look at this and cringe your arse off.

I knew my boisterous lad was off out to play football with his boisterous friends, I might check where they were planning to do it and remind them to be considerate of others

this level of superiority is ludicrous. Do you really think every one of their parents don’t do this. Do you really not know that kids tell their parents one thing and do another? You must have had some friends growing up,or had some insight from the kids ar school?

and as for the sexist bullshit about girls not being loud, aggressive or play football I’m not even going to deem to comment on.

Basically you want all children (up to 18?)supervised at all times so they don't inconvenience your kids?

Even if I was watching my kids play football in a park, I wouldn't tell them to stop because other kids were in the park

If they're playing football they're not on the equipment so how is that stopping your kids playing?