To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

[MaybeIWillFuckOffThen]

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

There IS a space behind the benches though (I really have a hard time believing teen boys play a tough game ENTIRELY between play equipment, as someone whose kids play football this would be counterproductive). Perfectly fine to play football in a free space.

It's a small kids play park and they're kicking a ball against a walk and shoulder barging each other, not playing an organised 11 a side.

I think all that wandering around the beach singing alone has meant you’ve not much experience in how children play, develop and socialise. Added to the fact you think teenagers should have a parent sat on bench watching them ‘play’ shows how out of touch you are.

Those boys are children, they are entitled to use the play park, just because they are not using it in the way you want them to do does not make it wrong. It’s a space for children to play which is what they’re doing, end of. They’re not vandalising, not smoking, drinking etc, they’re playing with a ball.

I suggest you unclench and helicopter your precious offspring else where if the scary boys and their ball are causing you distress. Maybe find a quiet beach somewhere?

catching up on their knitting

Yeah I guess if you REALLY hate your teenage child you could seriously embarrass them by being the only parent in the park to sit and distrust them while you knit - not embarrassing for the kids at all.

I guess if you want your DC to never speak to you in adulthood this is the way to do it

YANBU to not want bigger children playing football in a play area for smaller children but YABU to think that letting your children play out is abdicating responsibility, its part of letting them grow up, but it does require talking to them about respect for others using the spaces so not to play football in a toddler playground for example.

Don't small DC usually go to the park during the day or early afternoon? Teens go after school or after dinner. That's how it's always worked anywhere I've lived.

And if there's two parks within 5 mins of each other surely you just go to the one that's less busy if you don't want to ask the older DCs to move over/be careful.

Op says there is somewhere more suitable 5 minutes away.

There’s a free space in a kids play park. They’re kids playing a kids game. How do you expect them to play football? Like the priests in Father Ted?

Honestly I’m wondering if anyone of you have ever even met any 12-13 year olds or if you were just born aged 30, knitting and tutting at everyone

You come across as very judgmental and very ‘I’m a perfect parent’. I’m not saying that by the way but that’s how it comes across.

It’s like horrible big boys being rude and inconsiderate to my poor girls, why are their parents letting them out when they’re like this, I wouldn’t let my delinquent boy out to wreak havoc like this.

I don’t like their behaviour either by the way but they are learning and are not the enemy. Try having a bit of empathy. It would be totally ridiculous for their parents to tag along and I know that you’ll get that when your girls are older (I really hope you do anyway otherwise good luck girls 🤭). I know I’m probably ott but I didn’t let mine out until the summer holidays of year 6 so I would be there up until then for what it’s worth.

I actually said it was a group of about 10-12 kids. They range in age from around 8 to around 12 I would guess.

OK i'll take the point about 'leather' balls - what I mean is they're proper, professional balls not like those round inflated balls with the pentagons printed on them or something - if they hit you in the face, you'll likely get a nose bleed kind of balls.

I fully appreciate the benefits of playing outside. That's why I want to take my girls out to the playground. I could take them to the park, and often do, but it's a long walk for the little legs of my 2yo compared to a nip round the corner for half a hour to blow the cobwebs out. She's at that annoying stage of hating the pram so it's nice to walk quickly to the playground instead of having a fight to get her in the pram and walk to the park if it's just a quickie.

Don't know why you say in the short term? IS the neighbourhood going to run out of 10 year old boys at some point? If I stop going (as I may have to as I really nearly lost my temper yesterday and don't want to risk that happening again) it will be because they've chased us out with their behaviour, by dominating a shared space, and i'm not sure that's a great lesson for young boys to learn.

Also, sorry, but the flag that keep getting flown here is the overriding importance of these lads getting exercise (the alternative to getting this in a child's playground apparently being huffing crack whilst playing Xbox in a darkened room) - surely chasing after the ball is part of this vaunted exercise?

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl do you know the exact play park the OP is referring to? If you do, I'll accept everything you say about it.

The provisions for kids 10-13 are beyond a joke. In my town we have some football fields close by that are dominated by 15+ kids and adult men. We have parks that younger children play and clearly it seems to be an issue with many if preteen kids play in them. No matter how many times you bitch at the council, it doesn't change. It's the same for everything. There's no childcare for kids in thar age range either where I am. They reach 9/10 and suddenly you're supposed to either keep them with you at all times or you allow them a little freedom. Neither is ok, someone is always going to have a problem. If you keep them home or go everywhere with them, you're stifling them and not allowing them to develop independence. If you let them go out, you're a shitty parent and not supervising them. You can talk to kids till you're blue in the face, most of what you say goes out the window when they get together with a group of other kids all thinking they know better. All the talk of raising them to better. For the majority of kids, they are taught right from wrong. Parents do question their whereabouts and what they are up to. There are consequences for misbehaving.

And as for the girls being less aggressive, a group of girls cornered one of their classmates and put her in the hospital very recently in the town centre of where I live. They were year 8s. Girls are definitely not less aggressive.

I think all that wandering around the beach singing alone has meant you’ve not much experience in how children play, develop and socialise. Added to the fact you think teenagers should have a parent sat on bench watching them ‘play’ shows how out of touch you are

I agree with this.

Your childhood experience of solitude isn’t normal and I’m wondering why you didn’t hang out with friends like most kids do. I just hope you don’t let it rub off on your kids and they way you treat them.

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl
Little boys? Nope, they're often lovely. Just changes as soon as society and/or their parents come along and drill in to them that what they want to do, and wherever they want to do it, is more important.

We are talking here about a toddler play park, designed for - toddlers. To. Play. In - is being taken over by 12 year old boys playing football. And, many of the responses are saying this isn't a perfectly acceptable, because the poor boys have no where else to play. Except. They have. And, even if they didn't, then address that, not say 'sure it's fine, they can play where they like.' What is that teaching our boys?

Although I have to say I love the knitting comment, it’s perhaps the most MN comment I’ve read this year!

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen
I agree with you over the toddler play park which I'm assuming is similar to the picture rather than an open expanse of grassy park.

But if parents are bringing up their kids to be respectful of others, to not commandeer an area that is designated for someone else, then there shouldn't be a need for parents to supervise.

Parents however do need to take responsibility for their kids behaviour, even if their child is out without them. That's why you raise them to be part of a community. There are some parents though who just don't see themselves being part of the community and just think about their own needs. This attitude then gets passed to their kids.

My 2yo's right to climb on a climbing frame/bounce on a bouncer without having a football kicked into her face might override their right to exercise their independence literally wherever and however they want though. Possibly.

I turn my

Yes, it really is depressing. I love having a son. I really hope to raise a decent man. The hostility and constant looking at males as negative is not helpful, nor does it advance us anywhere toward equality.

I actually said it was a group of about 10-12 kids. They range in age from around 8 to around 12 I would guess.

Hmm this group is conveniently getting younger and younger. In your OP you said early teens

Op, when you said you were solitary as a child and used to just walk up and down the beach alone. Did you have no friends? Have you ever had friends? Do you have them now?

I ask as you seem to have absolutely no insight into how kids behave together, your only reference point being you and your obedience. Were you home schooled?

im struggling to understand how you have so little comprehension of kids behaviour.

im also not quite sure I believe they play in between the equipment, that would be very difficult to do , plus it seems they are there as the park is muddy and wet, so I suspect you just don’t like them there, you don’t like their proximity, are scared of rhe ball etc,

I turn my children out and tell them to behave as do all the other parents in the area, but we all have an unspoken collective understanding that if the kids behave like little shits an adult will appear on the appropriate doorstep and expect them to be brought into line.

This is how life has been for hundreds of years and how it should be!


Argh forgot the photo!

Ok, that’s me told! Irrelevant to the point I was making, though, as the 10-12 was immediately followed by preteen/early teen boys. The op then conveniently slid the age back to 8+ in a subsequent post to justify the level of supervision she seems to want. 8 yr olds are not preteen.

No? Why? The OP said there’s a free space with benches behind the play park.

Do you go there during school time ?