Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

571 replies

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 09:05

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

OP posts:
WiIson · 14/02/2023 15:13

Inkpotlover · 14/02/2023 15:10

It's not the 1970s still! Children aged 10 can't get Saturday jobs and paper rounds are pretty obsolete. They wouldn't be allowed to pick up and drop off siblings at school – they're far too young. At my daughter's primary siblings have to be at least 13 to be allowed to do that. A child of 10 shopping alone in a supermarket is going to raise eyebrows too, from a safeguarding point of view. I think you are massively projecting your own childhood here, which sounds very quiet and sedate with your beach walks and talking to seagulls.

Show quote history

Where I am 6 year olds walk to and leave school on their own. And ten year olds certainly can shop in supermarkets on their own, depending on the child. At age 11 they are often negotiating multiple buses and tubes.

Inkpotlover · 14/02/2023 15:14

Also, earlier in the thread you made a sarky comment about mums in the playground being on Facebook rather than watching their kids, OP, which was pretty nasty in tone. Maybe heed the phrase about those in glass houses, etc, because I've just returned from a two-hour round trip up a motorway and back and you are STILL on here bashing those boys for playing football. 20 pages of comments and four of those are for yours! You could've taken your kids to the big park and back in the time you've spent arguing on here.

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:15

WiIson · 14/02/2023 14:38

They're not bad kids. Which is why I'm mainly annoyed with the parents. But apparently putting the responsibility on them has made a lot of people who like their kids to play out unsupervised see red

Then why don't you tell the parents.

Because they're not there and i don't know where they live!

OP posts:
fridaytwattery · 14/02/2023 15:16

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl
I've just looked and read back on the OPs posts. She does not contradict the park setup. (She mentions it at 9.35am too)

It's the park setup I'm focused on, not other stuff because I think that is detracting from the main point.

Perhaps I can ask you a direct question: do you think 8-12 yr old children should be able to kick around a ball and swear/spit in a walled playground with play equipment specifically aimed at kids 2-6?

[In my opinion, no, hence my asking about the play setup at your school. Perhaps your experience is different and your school does allow that?]

WiIson · 14/02/2023 15:18

with play equipment specifically aimed at kids 2-6?

A toddler playground is not for 6 year olds either.

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:18

WiIson · 14/02/2023 14:59

Maybe you should take them to the beach this afternoon op. It's a nice day for it.

Alas, would that I could! I was brought up on the coast, but for budget reasons now live as far from the beach as it's possible to be in any direction :( Maybe I just need a weekend away eh?

OP posts:
WiIson · 14/02/2023 15:19

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:15

Because they're not there and i don't know where they live!

Show quote history

Then outline your expectations yourself. Or ask the boys. Or put a message on the next door app like everyone else does.

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:20

TheOrigRights · 14/02/2023 15:00

At 9:05am you posted "It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs."

Maybe it happened earlier, when they were on their way to school. If so they would be in uniform.

Show quote history

Aaaah, sorry. I meant 'currently' in a more general 'these days' sort of sense but that was not at all clear!

OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:21

WiIson · 14/02/2023 15:19

Then outline your expectations yourself. Or ask the boys. Or put a message on the next door app like everyone else does.

Show quote history

"Please tell me where your mum lives so I can go and tell her you told me to fuck off"? I'm sure compliance will be immediately forthcoming! On the other hand it might make them scarper...

No idea what the Next Door app is. I could moan on local FB I suppose, but given the overarching response on here I think it may be a good thing I didn't!

OP posts:
CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 14/02/2023 15:23

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:08

Well it still wouldn't be ideal for sure from my perspective but it would certainly be a better compromise! I think it would decrease the likelihood of accidents based on having actually seen the layout. I've descrived it as best I can.

Show quote history

Realistically speaking, you don’t want them to use the same park as your kids anyway, or you wouldn’t have mentioned the suitability of the park that’s 5 minutes away. However if these children are as young as 8, they might not be allowed there?

Rewis · 14/02/2023 15:23

The parents should tell the kids go play football at the huge park. But the kids should defo be out without their parents.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/02/2023 15:24

WiIson · 14/02/2023 15:07

Why don’t you politely ask them to move to that space to allow your girls to have a play on the park?

That's too grown up. Much better to come on here and demonise boys instead.

Second time I’ve asked the question, second time it’s been ignored. I get it’s daunting I’ve done the same for my dd when she was small. Usually big kids are pretty considerate.

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:25

Inkpotlover · 14/02/2023 15:14

Also, earlier in the thread you made a sarky comment about mums in the playground being on Facebook rather than watching their kids, OP, which was pretty nasty in tone. Maybe heed the phrase about those in glass houses, etc, because I've just returned from a two-hour round trip up a motorway and back and you are STILL on here bashing those boys for playing football. 20 pages of comments and four of those are for yours! You could've taken your kids to the big park and back in the time you've spent arguing on here.

My kids are in school and nursery! Slow day at work. But yes I have spent far too long on this, you are 100% right.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 14/02/2023 15:27

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:21

"Please tell me where your mum lives so I can go and tell her you told me to fuck off"? I'm sure compliance will be immediately forthcoming! On the other hand it might make them scarper...

No idea what the Next Door app is. I could moan on local FB I suppose, but given the overarching response on here I think it may be a good thing I didn't!

Show quote history

Depends how you word it op. You’re getting these responses because of how you’re wording it. My dd definitely didn’t want me around supervising her at the park by the end of year 6. Lots of kids were left alone in year 5 to go to the park by the school.

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 15:28

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen

Have you asked /told the kids to move out of the bit with the equipment when you are there?

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:29

CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 14/02/2023 15:23

Realistically speaking, you don’t want them to use the same park as your kids anyway, or you wouldn’t have mentioned the suitability of the park that’s 5 minutes away. However if these children are as young as 8, they might not be allowed there?

Show quote history

Don't at all mind them using it, just not to play football. It's a public space, anyone can use it, just not to the detriment of other users. That's my view anyway, but clearly this is not generally supported.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:31

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 15:28

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen

Have you asked /told the kids to move out of the bit with the equipment when you are there?

I've given quite a lot of detail about the conversations we've had in previous posts. I've asked them to be careful and to keep the ball on the ground. I haven't told them to go somewhere else/move to another part of the playground because I don't think that's really my place - I can ask them to be safe but not boss them around I feel. But I may well have my tone wrong or be going about it wrong. I guess i'm just a bit uncomfortable telling other people's kids what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:32

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/02/2023 15:24

Second time I’ve asked the question, second time it’s been ignored. I get it’s daunting I’ve done the same for my dd when she was small. Usually big kids are pretty considerate.

Show quote history

Also in the 'can't win' stakes, I've been ticked off for replying too much to the thread and now for 'ignoring' a specific poster! 😂

OP posts:
Botw1 · 14/02/2023 15:36

Right.

So instead of being sensible and telling the kids to get out of the bit with equipment so your kids can play you've decided that their parents have abdicated all responsibilities?

If you're comfortable enough to tell them to keep the ball on the ground (pointless) you should be comfortable enough to tell them to take it to a different bit for half an hour

You haven't actually told them what the problem is

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:49

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 15:36

Right.

So instead of being sensible and telling the kids to get out of the bit with equipment so your kids can play you've decided that their parents have abdicated all responsibilities?

If you're comfortable enough to tell them to keep the ball on the ground (pointless) you should be comfortable enough to tell them to take it to a different bit for half an hour

You haven't actually told them what the problem is

How is telling them to keep the ball on the ground pointless? That's the issue really, the ball flying around with no control over where it lands. If it gets kicked along the ground I can keep an eye on where it is going and be careful of the kids. I can't protect them if it comes flying at speed from the other side of the playground.

Anyway. Enough of this thread! Consider me well and truly chastised, Mumsnet, the young fellows can continue their game without any fear of reprisal from me - we'll pick our times more wisely or find other places to play. Luckily we have - ahem - a very large park 5 mins away! 😁

OP posts:
CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 14/02/2023 15:51

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:29

Don't at all mind them using it, just not to play football. It's a public space, anyone can use it, just not to the detriment of other users. That's my view anyway, but clearly this is not generally supported.

Show quote history

So you would be okay with the same large group playing on the equipment?

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 15:56

CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 14/02/2023 15:51

So you would be okay with the same large group playing on the equipment?

Show quote history

Well they'd look a bit bloody silly in the toddler swing but yeah as long as they were being safe

OP posts:
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 16:07

As an aside, I was today years old when I learned proper footballs aren’t made of leather! Not that I ever had reason to give it much thought. As in the expensive ones you get from sports shop.

I think the other ones OP is referring to are the softer ones that look like this that you might find in a beach shop or similar.

To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?
GoodChat · 14/02/2023 16:08

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 16:07

As an aside, I was today years old when I learned proper footballs aren’t made of leather! Not that I ever had reason to give it much thought. As in the expensive ones you get from sports shop.

I think the other ones OP is referring to are the softer ones that look like this that you might find in a beach shop or similar.

OP specifically explained the balls she's talking about are the proper footballs and not the balls in your picture about 4 hours ago.

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 16:09

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen

Or you could just ask them to get out of that bit when you're in it?

It's not different to asking them to keep the ball on the ground

Stop being overly dramatic and just tell them to beat it.