To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

[MaybeIWillFuckOffThen]

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

This is exactly it. It’s not the actual incident itself that the issue; it’s the perception that boys are horrible, nasty beasts, and girls are precious little snowflakes.

Both are harmful. Girls don’t have to be delicate, they don’t have to enjoy skipping along the beach, singing, making up stories, or shrieking and giggling. Girls can be strong, girls can be assertive, girls can be rowdy and play football.

Boys don’t have to be rowdy, dangerous thugs with no thought of others.

I’ve got one of each, and I’m bringing them up with the exact same values and interests. My daughter went to gymnastics AND rugby. My son is due to start gymnastics soon, and will join rugby when he’s old enough, if he wants to.

The issue is that the story keeps getting more extreme. At first they were just boys playing football which made OP feel intimidated. Boys of that age will naturally be intimidating because they are physically quite large, and their voices are beginning to deepen. But ultimately, they are children. Then, the boys had hurt her daughter to the point of bleeding several times.

Had the OP asked for ways to ensure her daughters are safe in the play area, useful suggestions could have been made - for example, signage to clarify age limits, fences around play equipment, or even goal posts to be added to the rear of the play area. But instead, op chose to vilify boys with phrases like “thank goodness I don’t have boys!”

@3LittleFishes - my DD is 18 now and a few years ago caused me a lot more grey hairs than my 16 year old DS. OP might be in for a shock in a few years time.

Ha! To be honest I am crying with relief he's out.
I am a lone parent working from home. At 13 he's too old for formal childcare and football camps, but too young to be entirely left to his own devices.
The last year of school holidays have been really, really hard. Finally, he's got some good friends and wants to be out. It took a while for many of our teenagers to shake off lock down and just go out with their mates.

Best get on with some work then!

maybe check on them every now and then by walking by on your way to the shop or whatever

I've dropped mine in town, 3 miles from home. That doesn't really work.

There is nothing for kids that age any more, at that age. When I was young we had a brilliant youth club that was open nearly every night & catered for age 13-19 that was also open during the day for students & the unemployed. It kept us off the streets & out of trouble.

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen - the process is a gradual one which starts much earlier than secondary school! My DC’s have been going to the shop on their own (with me spying on them) from the age of 9. By 12/13 they should be allowed out without being watched. My DS has had a Saturday job since the age of 14. I know it’s hard to imagine when yours are still little but you have to let them grow up.

DH is a scout leader. He deals directly with 10 to 14 year olds

You have no clue whatsoever. None. No concept of reality.

As for mud... I'm fine with mud to a point. I was fine with toddler mud. Eight year olds head to foot on a regular basis not so much. As it's irresponsible behaviour...

Rough preteen boys hanging around estates usually means there's either no youth club locally or not one that is serving their interests.

What are they meant to do? They're bored! This is just part of living anywhere other than a tiny village

OP isn't tarring all boys with the same brush.

I'm not particularly fond of football but my son in law is an FA trained coach. His professional career is to promote sport and make it accessible to all. He coaches several junior football teams Saturday morning and an evening a week during term time. His teams play in local leagues. They are a talented bunch and there's such demand for spaces that the teams are getting greater in numbers and there's always a lack of parent volunteers.

I'm sometimes called on to collect subs if no one else is available. I know a lot of the players - they're a fantastic bunch of kids (mainly boys). A set amount of time during training is teaching sportsmanship, thinking, intelligent playing.

Whacking hard footballs towards playing toddlers - not intelligent.

Maybe the boys in the OP could join a club instead of hurting children?

DH has tried to get a youth club for young teens rolling as have the local council

The youth club (that's what the building is called) don't want to because it's difficult to look after kids and no one can get a paid youth worker for a Friday night. The building gets funding on the basis that he provides a youth service that doesn't exist.

Instead the kids aged 13 - 15 hang around the park vaping, drinking and doing gas canisters on a Friday.

Now THATS a problem. Not football playing preteens.

You're very flexible about the age of this group. They're 8 when someone says a man should have a word with them. They're teenagers when I suggest they ought to have a parent watching out for them.

Ask them where they're going, maybe check on them every now and then by walking by on your wat to the shop or whatever - not every time they go out, very rarely, but enough that they know they're not completely unaccountable. Give them responsibilities like going out to do some shopping for the family on their own, picking up and dropping off younger siblings to school/clubs/playdates, try and get them a Saturday job or a paper round, things that actually teach them about being an adult rather than just hanging around with their mates. Lots of ways to foster independence without just throwing up your hands and hoping for the best, especially before about 14.
Those boys parents could have checked on them ten minutes before they got to the park. It wouldn't have prevented the incident you are talking about, so the only option would be to constantly supervise them when they are out (yeah, pre teens would love being stuck with mummy 24/7 and definitely will fit in with their friends 🙄)
I hope you remember to have a look back on this thread in around 10 years time OP, it should give you a good laugh!

It's not an open space. It's a small enclosed space full of equipment. Which is why it's a problem.

Yabu starting a post asking why people allow their kids to play outside 🤣🤣

Have you tried perhaps asking them “ok lads can you play over there for a while my little ones have a go on the park?”

HAHAHAHA. Hilarious. So rude. I've got two DS and this is not true of myself or other Mums of sons. I'm kind of hoping you're being facetious or sarcastic but I don't think you are.

Is a 6 year old a toddler?

Is an 8 year old a pre teen?

Because the op seems to think so judging by how the story twists, turns and changes.

This is less to do with the ops daughter and more about her perception of boys whom she sees as problematic.

Is it a case of lots of reasonably young male and female children playing in a toddler area, the ops daughter included.

Or is it a case of male teenagers deliberately booting a football into the face of a two year old girl whilst her mother weakly tells them to stop. As that's how the op is portraying it. Yet the truth of it isn't exactly that.

Well I'll be honest there isn't a cat's chance in hell I'll be letting her out to play by herself when she's 8 years old. So the issue is unlikely to arise!

Maybe the boys in the OP could join a club instead of hurting children?

Maybe they're practicing for their club time. Practice is needed to get good at anything.

Well if ever there was a thread that got out of hand this is it. The general point was about older kids playing inappropriate games in a toddlers play area. How can anyone think this is in anyway acceptable or try and defend the indefensible by belittling some of OP’s comments.

I have no idea where the OP lives but she’s not alone in what she’s experienced. Our toddler park is exactly the same. It’s often not a pleasant place to take the little ones even during school hours when the big kids aren’t there. Who wants to sit on swing or seat with chewing gum stuck on it or let their little one play on equipment that’s been vandalised or run round amongst all the cans etc just flung on the floor. And before anyone tells me that I could pick the cans and mess up, of course I could, but it shouldn’t be down to me to do so as they shouldn’t have been dumped there in the first place.

I have no idea what the answer to the problem is other than for us all to take our parental responsibilities seriously and teach our children right from wrong. As I said in my earlier where I live there are plenty of safe outdoor play areas and organised indoor activities that kids could access if they wanted to (there’s a well kept grass area with goals right next door) but for some reason they prefer to mess around in the enclosed toddler area and choose to ignore anyone who asks them to move,

Well I'll be honest there isn't a cat's chance in hell I'll be letting her out to play by herself when she's 8 years old. So the issue is unlikely to arise!

So these are 8 year old boys. Nowhere near teens.

And your daughter is 6. Not far from them in age.

Playing games and using play equipment in a toddler area.

I see...

Yes, my real crime here (apart from making the whole thing up, obviously) is not being a SAHM.

I'd love it if she got into football. I just wouldn't let her do it in the playground.

But for rather different reasons, I imagine.

Yes my 10 year old DD loves ball games and football. It's not exclusive to boys

Good. More girls should play football. It's an excellent game.