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Original poster

MIL has my Valentine gift

368 replies

CloudySuns · 14/02/2023 07:57

About 5 years ago, DH bought me a few gifts for valentines day including a mug, it was very distinctive being red with 'love you' on it.

I really liked this mug. It would cheer me up whenever I looked at it, it was a perfect size for my coffee, comfy handle, just a nice mug. I used it daily.

A few years ago we stayed with MIL between house moves for 4 weeks, and I took my favourite mug.

I noticed her using it a few times, fine, okay, fair enough we were staying there. But when we moved out, and I couldn't find this mug. I swear I packed it but it wasn't in the box with other mugs.

The next time we visited MIL, I noticed my mug in her cupboard. I thought oh good, I can't have packed it! I brought it out and said I'd been looking for it and phew there it was!

She said NO that's her mug. That someone bought it for her. I asked who? She couldn't remember.

This mug is very distinctive, even with a little scratch I made by accident the first week I had it, so I know it's my mug.

Of course I'd be a right knob to have argued further, so I put it back in her cupboard. It's just a mug but every valentines day I think about it and it irks me! It was my mug!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
WeCome1 · 14/02/2023 07:59

Have you told DH? I would get him to pinch it back. I’m petty though.

tabulahrasa · 14/02/2023 08:00

I’d have stolen it back 😂

Ive been trying to replace my favourite mug for years (it broke) but the right size mug with the right handle etc is one of those things that is weirdly important.

Serpensortia · 14/02/2023 08:01

Why doesn't your husband say to her that he got it for you?

TheBadLuckOfTeelaBrown · 14/02/2023 08:02

This is so odd. Tell your husband that he needs to tell her that he got it for you. I am irritated on your behalf. Get your bloody mug!

Wrongsideofpennines · 14/02/2023 08:03

Get your husband to nick it back. It was a gift he gave to you, if you're both saying that and she can't remember who she got it from then she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Original poster
CloudySuns · 14/02/2023 08:03

WeCome1 · 14/02/2023 07:59

Have you told DH? I would get him to pinch it back. I’m petty though.

DH is totally with me, he knows it's the one he bought.

He said he would pinch it back for me, or just tell her it is my mug but I don't want to make it a Thing. I mean, it is just a mug.

He did buy me another nice mug when I told him! But it's not quite as perfect as the stolen mug...

Plus do I want it back now she's using it?

OP posts:
CopperMaran · 14/02/2023 08:11

CloudySuns · 14/02/2023 08:03

DH is totally with me, he knows it's the one he bought.

He said he would pinch it back for me, or just tell her it is my mug but I don't want to make it a Thing. I mean, it is just a mug.

He did buy me another nice mug when I told him! But it's not quite as perfect as the stolen mug...

Plus do I want it back now she's using it?

Show quote history

Yes! you should take it back even if you never feel the same about it and don’t use ever again. She’s made it a Thing not you! My MIL totally wanted to be enmeshed with my DH and I and didn’t care that we hated it. She behaves herself now but only because we went low contact and put up solid boundaries. We’re slowly increasing contact but we will never tolerate the behaviour again.

The bitchy, weird behaviour stopped not when she realised it upset us but when it no longer gave her what she was getting out of doing it! We used to give her a score out of 10 for effort with her bonkers behaviour and another for impact on us. It helped stop it from bothering us by leaving it with her somehow.

We tried being reasonable and discussing and explaining. Changed nothing. Some counselling and small changes to our behaviour stopped it almost immediately. We went medium chill and only met in a neutral location. It was extreme but so was her (and my FILs) behaviour.

KillingLoneliness · 14/02/2023 08:12

I don’t understand why you haven’t just taken it back? Next time you’re there just sneak it into your bag!

Showmethefood · 14/02/2023 08:13

It sounds like it’s escalated when it should have been nipped in the bud.
You: Oh, that’s my mug. Dh got it for me.”
MIL: No it’s not. It’s mine.
You: calls over to Dh This is mine isn’t it DH. You got it me didn’t you?”

Then DH steps in and tells his mother the story. You shouldn’t have to steal it back because you’re all grown ups and should be able to sort things out. It’s up to DH to sort it out with his mother and not you. She either gives it back or she doesn’t. But he should address it and deal with it.
You may not get the mug back but having a responsible husband who confronts his mother when she’s in the wrong is worth so much more than a mug - so many men let their mothers get away with murder

plumduck · 14/02/2023 08:15

Your DH should have stepped in a lot sooner. It's too late now.

Toddlerteaplease · 14/02/2023 08:16

Why didn't you just say, no it's mine. It was a gift from DH?

Original poster
CloudySuns · 14/02/2023 08:17

DH wasn't actually there when I asked her about it so he couldn't back me up!

And I felt daft bringing it back out to bring it up again - she actually sprung up and took the mug from me when I said oh good I've found my mug.

I also had a tiny bit of self doubt because she was so sure it was hers.

Bloody mug. Maybe I will just sneakily take it back.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/02/2023 08:18

"Accidentally" drop it on the floor.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 14/02/2023 08:19

Wow. Just take it back.

mrsbyers · 14/02/2023 08:19

I’d drop it on the floor too

FrenchBoule · 14/02/2023 08:20

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/02/2023 08:18

"Accidentally" drop it on the floor.

I was just about to say that 😀

”Oops MIL, sorrrry”

Showmethefood · 14/02/2023 08:21

Sorry, presumed DH was with you as your post read “next time we visited.”

AllotmentTime · 14/02/2023 08:21

Nick it back.. & get DH to lie and say he bought you a replacement 😆

Porkyporkchop · 14/02/2023 08:22

Take it back. Just put it in your bag. She has taken it in done weird way of connecting with her son, it’s odd. Or get him to take it for you, it will be better for you if he does it. Don’t stew on it, just take it back.

closingscore · 14/02/2023 08:23

I'd totally steal it back and hide it at home if she visits (in case she gets the same idea)

SgtCatherineCawood · 14/02/2023 08:24

Someone gave her a mug saying "love you" and she can't remember who 😅

Augend23 · 14/02/2023 08:24

I'd definitely nick it back "oh no MIL this is definitely mine - DH bought it for me years ago but we found it again recently. Isn't it funny how these things reappear"

As she nicked it from you she can't really complain...

3487642l · 14/02/2023 08:24

Seriously, take it back! Sometimes it takes two petty wrongs to make a right 😂

Just sterilize the mug with boiling water and keep it at the back of your cupboard when MIL comes round!

RosettaTheGardenFairy · 14/02/2023 08:25

Steal it back immediately, or next time you're there smash it.

If you can't have your mug, no one can!

PuddlesPityParty · 14/02/2023 08:25

Get DH to pinch it back and just plead ignorance is she ever questions it 😂 get your mug back OP!