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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit narked that my neighbour has asked....

122 replies

nappynoonoo · 08/02/2008 12:47

If she can borrow some money off me.

I only know her to say hi to, she seems like a nice enough person but she has just asked to borrow a couple of hundred quid from me. Although I have the money saved away I don't particularly want to loan it to someone I hardly know.

I lied and told her I didn't have to money to lend, then I could have kicked myself for saying that as there was a £20 note on the coffee table for a takeaway for DH and I tonight.
She said well I'll just take that 20 quid then I lied again and said that it's to buy some nappies and formula for DD. We use washable nappies and DD is BF, but she didn't know that.

So AIBU to not lend her some money.

BTW, Dh and I are certainly not flushed with money, the majority of any left over cash after bill have been paid goes in to savings. If we are lucky we will have a bit to treat ourselves to a takeaway once in a while.

OP posts:

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 13:58

Message withdrawn

Bangandthedirtisgone · 08/02/2008 14:00

Slacksally was going to ask the same. When I lived in Brighton it was known as the heroin capital of Britain.

Bangandthedirtisgone · 08/02/2008 14:01

MF - you've never done it. So what? Does that make it wrong?

DualCylinderCod · 08/02/2008 14:03

ooh htis thread igs oggn to end up in a heruge row
ic an feel it in my water

binkleandflip · 08/02/2008 14:04

I said I would assume it was drugs (if she appeared to be coming down as the op said)

My post was in response to you asking a question along the lines of if you saw someone a bit unkempt, dishevelled, looking like they were coming down etc (as per the OP posts) no matter in what context (anytime, anywhere) then I think I would recognise enough signs - including those above - to make a judgement about whether they are drug users or non drug users.

Obviously you have posted about being an addict MF - so you have experience of what it is to be an addict, but you are not the authority on all drug culture (and you dont have to have been an addict to have experience of it).

It is clearly something you feel strongly about - but yours is only one, perhaps slightly blinkered, opinion.

Original poster

nappynoonoo · 08/02/2008 14:10

MotherFunk, I certainly didn't want to offend anyone with my description of her, but that is how she looks. I DIDN'T say she IS a a drug user just that it is a big possibility that she is. It is quite possible that she isn't, but I haven't seen anything to the contrary.

Why else would she ask someone (me) who is practically a complete stranger to her for a couple of hundred quid.
It is quite possible that she doesn't use drugs and that she is just having an off day today. But TBH she looks like that EVERY time I see her.

ANd if the money really was for her electrics then why doesn't she get the money off her partner. I assume he works, his car is gone in the mornings and doesn't come back till after my DH gets home.

OP posts:

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:11

Message withdrawn

Original poster

nappynoonoo · 08/02/2008 14:11

No SlackSally not in Brighton.

OP posts:

binkleandflip · 08/02/2008 14:12

to be fair it could be any number of reasons - she might have run up a bill on the catalogues or similar and not want her partner to know - whatever the reason, I definately would not let her in the house again - you dont need to justify yourself.

Bangandthedirtisgone · 08/02/2008 14:13

MF - I meant the fact that you've never thought someone else could be on drugs doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong for someone else to think that might be the case.

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:14

Message withdrawn

cory · 08/02/2008 14:14

I would certainly assume there was something wrong about a woman who behaved the way you describe. This is not a normal case of a friendly inter-neighbour loan. That bit about oh-I'll-just-take-that would make me nervous about having the woman in the house again. You don't know what she might "just" decide to do next time. This is not being judgmental or speculating, it's common sense. You don't need to know what her particular problems are to see that she spell trouble.

Bangandthedirtisgone · 08/02/2008 14:14

"I have never professed to be any authority on drug culture! However, I do know a lot more about it than most people, and i think that, as with anything, first hand experience does undoubtedly give you a better insight and understanding."

LMAO!!!

binkleandflip · 08/02/2008 14:14

You have experience of being an addict. I would say that offers a fairly blinkered view of drugs if I am honest. Or maybe it was great fun and did wonders for your health - what do I know? Having never been an addict, obviously less than you.

I have however worked with lots of children and young adults with anti-social behavioural problems and unsuprisingly - lots of issues concerning drugs too (so I kind of know the signs)

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:16

Message withdrawn

choccypig · 08/02/2008 14:16

I wouldn't let her in your house again.

pirategirl · 08/02/2008 14:17

at eyeballing the £20.

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:17

Message withdrawn

Bangandthedirtisgone · 08/02/2008 14:17

Really?

Interesting. I've never done that.

I read that as you saying you've never assumed that someone is on drugs. Perhaps you didn't mean that, your post was rather incoherent after all.

cory · 08/02/2008 14:18

MotherFunk on Fri 08-Feb-08 14:14:27
"Nappynoonoo - I don't think you should lend her the money! You barely know her!

However, I still think you should maybe try to find out what her problem is, you may be able to help without actually lending money (only if you want to of course).

Hundreds of things can get people in debt, or she may just be poor. "

I see your point, MotherFunk, but would a normal person prepare to grab somebody else's money and say 'I'll just have that' if she was just poor? This behaviour suggests there is something wrong about the way she sees other people. She may well need help, but I think there is more here than just need of money. I've been poor, and I've known other poor people, and this is simply not a normal way to behave.

binkleandflip · 08/02/2008 14:18

Please dont take this the wrong way MF - but are you completely off drugs?

Original poster

nappynoonoo · 08/02/2008 14:19

I really don't want this thread to turn in to a row, and I certainly didn't want to or mean to offend anyone by my description or assumption of her.

Perhaps it was wrong of me to assume drugs, perhaps I was wrong to describe her the way I did. But I can probably state that most people will assume things about others just on how that person looks.

OP posts:

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:21

Message withdrawn

Bangandthedirtisgone · 08/02/2008 14:23

How bizarre that this would even link?

Didn't really understand that either, tbh.

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:25

Message withdrawn

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