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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit narked that my neighbour has asked....

122 replies

nappynoonoo · 08/02/2008 12:47

If she can borrow some money off me.

I only know her to say hi to, she seems like a nice enough person but she has just asked to borrow a couple of hundred quid from me. Although I have the money saved away I don't particularly want to loan it to someone I hardly know.

I lied and told her I didn't have to money to lend, then I could have kicked myself for saying that as there was a £20 note on the coffee table for a takeaway for DH and I tonight.
She said well I'll just take that 20 quid then I lied again and said that it's to buy some nappies and formula for DD. We use washable nappies and DD is BF, but she didn't know that.

So AIBU to not lend her some money.

BTW, Dh and I are certainly not flushed with money, the majority of any left over cash after bill have been paid goes in to savings. If we are lucky we will have a bit to treat ourselves to a takeaway once in a while.

OP posts:
Original poster
nappynoonoo · 08/02/2008 14:25

MotherFunk, I'm not sure if she works. She said that the problem was that her leccy is not working in the house and needs to get a leccy in to mend it. I have never seen any kids with her so I don't think she has kids. Her house looks neat and tidy from the outside (I haven't been in) although her window has been put through. A couple of weeks ago I heard a crash and ran to the front of my house as I thought it was a car crash outside my house to see a guy in her front garden screaming abuse through her broken window, which I assume he broke!!!!

I would like to help her with her leccy but I dont know anything about electrics and really dont want to lend her the money.

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:28

Message withdrawn

binkleandflip · 08/02/2008 14:28

You just seem very focussed on talking about them, that is all - (as opposed to the actual point of the thread) - but not in any other context than you having been an addict (which I agree you know more about than someone who has never been an addict)

Genuinely - no offence meant and none of my business either.

dingdong05 · 08/02/2008 14:29

No you are NBU, as everyone else has said. As for saying she'd take the 20- again, like everyone else I am stunned and would be worried by the attitude. I learned at a young age that just because someone has cash on them doesn't mean they have it to spare. And you shouldn't feel bad about having money in the bank and not giving it to her.

binkleandflip · 08/02/2008 14:30

perhaps she owes the window-breaker money

Bangandthedirtisgone · 08/02/2008 14:30

To get back to the point nappynoonoo, no YANBU, her behaviour is extremely cheeky.

You are also entitled to your own opinion of her.

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:32

Message withdrawn

binkleandflip · 08/02/2008 14:33

I would avoid her at all costs

QuintessentialShadow · 08/02/2008 14:33

She has quite a nerve, asking to take a strangers money. That behaviour is not normal, whether she is a drug addict or just mental, just stay away, I am sure you have enough on your plate if you should not "adopt" a perfect stranger who may be the neighbourhood loon for all you know. Give the little finger, and all that.

I "befriended" my new neighbour, she turned out to be a fruitcake extraordinaire, and when I pulled back to distance myself, she started throwing rubbish on my property. To this day, I have a teabag a day on my doorstep. That is nothing compared to dogpoo.

Just be careful, and DONT lend her any money.

binkleandflip · 08/02/2008 14:34

teabag a day - lol

dingdong05 · 08/02/2008 14:35

Who knows why she really needs the money, it really could be anything tbh
I've just been thinking whether i'd ask any of my neighbours for money, and if i did it would literally be if everyone else i knew had left the city, it was a sunday evening, and we hadn't eaten all day, and even then i would only ask for a couple of quid to get something to eat. It took me 3 years to ask my neighbour for some milk because i couldn't leave the house and was gasping for a cuppa- and then he wasn't in

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:37

Message withdrawn

Lauriefairycake · 08/02/2008 14:38

It would absolutely occur to me to think she may have a dependancy problem from your description. Not because she asked to borrow money or she was unkempt but because of her behaviour over the £20.

It crosses all boundaries of social convention when a stranger says they are going to help themselves to money on the table - on soooo many levels.

If this was my neighbour I would be keeping an eye out for mental health problems or drug taking (to see if I could help not because of judgement)

Also perfectly fair if you don't want to help her - you can only invite people into your life you feel you can cope with.

FAQ · 08/02/2008 14:41

god not unreasonable at all - and this is coming from someone who's had to borrow a small amount of money from a friend I KNOW WELL in recent months.

A couple of hundred is a lot to ask even from someone you are good friends with, let alone someone that you only say "hi" to.

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:42

Message withdrawn

Lauriefairycake · 08/02/2008 14:43

Yep, that's why I said a dependancy problem (am drug/alcohol counsellor)

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 14:48

Message withdrawn

Original poster
nappynoonoo · 08/02/2008 14:52

binkleandflip, TBH that was my first reaction that I want to avoid her at all costs, but now reading some of the replies I wonder if she has just had a bad time of it recently. We only lived here for approx 13 months, so I don't know if anything else has happened to her. I would like to be able to help her and give her some moral support but I wouldn't know where to start. Plus the fact, IF drugs are involved I don't want her anywhere near DD.

MotherFunk, I want to offer you an appology, when you say in your post 'I have seen many friends try and get clean and then people make judgements and assumptions and it makes you feel whats the point?' I am really sorry I didn't set out to make anyone who is trying hard to come out of a dependent situation think or feel whats the point.

Gawd I feel awful now
I'm new to MN and what a doozy of a thread.

OP posts:
mylovelymonster · 08/02/2008 14:52

If that's her attitude, if you were mad enough to lend her money YOU WOULD NEVER SEE IT AGAIN! DON'T DO IT!! Keep your hard earned savings for yourself and yours - your financial situation is none of her business.
She sounds bloody awful - WHATEVER ISSUES SHE HAS ARE HERS AND ABSOLUTELY NOT YOURS - DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR HER FINANCIALLY - TEA & SYMPATHY IS ALL THAT THE CHEEKY MARE SHOULD EXPECT.
YA100%NBU.

Sorry - didn't mean to shout, but bloody hell......
Agree with nannynoonoo - don't let her in the house or she'll be off with the silver. Need any doorstaff?

CountessDracula · 08/02/2008 14:54

If she comes round again I would shout "Fire up the Quattro" and slam the door tbh
Most unreasonable of her to ask

Lauriefairycake · 08/02/2008 14:54

By the way sorry you've had such a hard time on this thread - you have done amazingly well with your life

I'm pretty sure binkleandflip didn't mean "are you quite sure you're off drugs Motherfunk" evilly as she comes across really nice. It is impossible with the written word on here to determine tone of voice.

I've noticed how hard it is to ask questions on here - I've thought about starting a thread to take a poll on whether people drink fruit shoots to illustrate this - just asking a totally straightforward question would kick off - even taking a poll on here would be really hard

I'm wittering now

Original poster
nappynoonoo · 08/02/2008 14:55

lol, mylovelymonster.
I'm not going to lend her the money, but when DH gets home I think I might pop round to see how she is.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 08/02/2008 14:55

Knock on the door later with a thermos of tea and see if her lights/tv is on. Then you'll know whether she was lying or not.

sparklesandwine · 08/02/2008 14:56

No don't lend her the money!

if she was a kind of friendly neighbour who you spoke to regularly i'd say maybe try and help her in another way, but as she doesn't seem to be and you know very little about her i'd be careful about getting involved in other persons problems as you and your family could easily be dragged in

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 15:03

Message withdrawn

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