Page 9 | AIBU To have kicked my friend and her daughter out at 8pm

Terriblefriend07 · 2023-02-10T21:17:08+00:00

I will try not to drip feed, so might be a long post. I have name changed. My friend and her 4 year old daughter was due to stay this weekend. my DC is has complex health condition which leaves them in hospital when ever they spike a fever or unwell. We try to live life normally the best we can. We have always had rules that If you are sick you do not enter our house. my friend is 100 percent aware of the situation. they arrived this evening with in a few seconds friend announces she has a wee bit of a cough ( I could deal this ) but it was very clear when I heard her that I was a very active new cough and she did not look well. Full of a virus / hacky cough / snot everywhere and bright cheeks. Was miserable and screaming. She then vomited in my hallway and I checked temp which was 39 ! I am an awful friend but I told them they had to leave. The only options were to travel back 3 hours or to go to a local hotel I have them the choice and I would pay for the hotel. I’m angry, she’s angry , we have had a bit of a big fall out and I feel like a terrible friend.

Original poster

Terriblefriend07 · 12/02/2023 14:09

To the poster who said if she was that vulnerable she would be in hospital. After 26 without going home once in hospital we went home with protocols in place. You do not know our situation at all to know if I’m being neurotic about illness. She could not live her life in a hospital.

OP posts:

rainbowunicorn · 12/02/2023 14:14

Summerfun54321 · 10/02/2023 22:41

You chucked your friend out onto the street at 8pm with a poorly 4 year old!!? At 4 they can't even properly articulate how they are feeling so no doubt your friend will have had as little warning as you. Why on earth did you invite them to stay if you can't handle other people's germs and viruses and bugs!? If I were your friend, I would be absolutely furious. This isn't her fault, how was she to know her DD would get a temp and be sick after a big journey!?

She didn't chuck her out on to.the street she offered to pay for a hotel. Did you read the bit where the OP has a child who is vulnerable?
It is not a case of being unable to handle other people's germs.

rainbowunicorn · 12/02/2023 14:23

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 11/02/2023 00:06

Yes YABU, poor lady is not well, she needs help not turfing out.

Have you bothered to read any of the OP posts?

rainbowunicorn · 12/02/2023 14:28

VestaTilley · 11/02/2023 07:22

I don’t think I could have done that, it’s so harsh on the ill child- and sending them out to find a hotel at 8pm when they don’t even have a car!

She’d probably only just got really ill there and then. Sickness can come on instantly with DC.

I think you were way OTT. You should’ve just sent both kids to bed.

Another poster that lacks the ability to read and understand the OPs numerous posts.

rainbowunicorn · 12/02/2023 14:43

Tandora · 12/02/2023 12:00

I thought the trip was to visit her friend?

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If you click see all at the bottom of OPs posts you will see all their posts and then you will have the actual correct information.

LostMyMarblesToday · 12/02/2023 14:50

ATadScared · 12/02/2023 13:41

I can bear this no longer, I’ve got to point out to those who have failed to read the OP’s posts that

the CF ‘friend’ was essentially using the OP’s flat as a hotel for the weekend from which to do touristy things. She wasn’t going to visit OP and OP’s DC as such.
CF had invited herself.
OP had not invited CF for the weekend.
At CF’s own admission, her DC had been coming down with something for a couple of days.
The CF and her DC were looked after, with a hotel room and calpol - far from abandoned. OP showed far more consideration and respect than she and her DC were shown.

^ this, for all those that keep missing the posts somehow 🙄

@Terriblefriend07 definitely not unreasonable, you did far more than some people would.

airfryerandelectricblanket · 12/02/2023 14:53

She can't blame you!

She knows the situation and ignored it, thereby putting your child's health at risk.

She's not a good friend to do this!

Walterwhiteswifey · 12/02/2023 15:02

Your friend is so selfish. I hate when people don't give a shit about spreading germs everywhere.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/02/2023 15:04

SchoolTripDrama · 12/02/2023 11:18

Sorry but I completely agree with this. It's the 4yr old I'm concerned about. I'd be utterly furious. You also sound a bit neurotic about illness. I'm absolutely not saying you're lying, but if your little one was that vulnerable then they'd be in hospital. I know the protocols myself, first hand!

What was she supposed to do at 8pm? Surely she could've slept on the sofa overnight and left in the morning? Just keep your child out of the living room whilst they're there and for an hour or so after whilst you air the room out? The child may have had just a cough until they got there and then it suddenly escalated to a fever - I've had that happen to me when travelling to wales before. Perfectly fine on the journey just a mild cough then BAM! Full blown fever when we got to accommodation

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You clearly don’t know the protocols if you’re spouting that bollocks. Vulnerable children don’t spend their entire lives in hospital.

The Op offered to pay for a hotel. She didn’t put them out on the street. And the child hadn’t been herself for days

flapjackfairy · 12/02/2023 15:28

I cant believe some of the rubbish spouted on this thread. I have an extremely vulnerable child and totally get where the OP is coming from. A simple cough cold or virus can be fatal to a child like mine so no one comes near if they are ill.
And as for the supposedly informed poster who said the child should be in hosp.rather than trying to live some kind of life well I hate to break it to you but sometimes that is the v worst place to be My child has picked up strep A and E coli amongst other things during hospital admissions leading to him being extremely poorly. .

Noonesperfect · 12/02/2023 15:33

ATadScared · 12/02/2023 13:41

I can bear this no longer, I’ve got to point out to those who have failed to read the OP’s posts that

the CF ‘friend’ was essentially using the OP’s flat as a hotel for the weekend from which to do touristy things. She wasn’t going to visit OP and OP’s DC as such.
CF had invited herself.
OP had not invited CF for the weekend.
At CF’s own admission, her DC had been coming down with something for a couple of days.
The CF and her DC were looked after, with a hotel room and calpol - far from abandoned. OP showed far more consideration and respect than she and her DC were shown.

Yehhhh! Well said! ☝️ 👏👏👏. A very good summary of the truth. Therefore I declare OP Not guilty! I declare friend guilty until she apologises.

funinthesun19 · 12/02/2023 15:37

You did the right thing OP. Your friend should understand why you did what you did. Not nice for her and her 4 year old to have to go back out, but that’s the lesser evil when you consider your DD might have become dangerously ill if they stayed. You offered to pay for a hotel too, so it’s not like she didn’t have options.

Noonesperfect · 12/02/2023 15:39

And just for the record OP is not neurotic, she is doing what she has rightly been told to do by professional medics and keep any suspected virus well away from her child. I don not understand how randoms on here think they know more about OP's child's vulnerability than she does and that of qualified consultants!
STOP GASLIGHTING THE OP!

aloris · 12/02/2023 16:00

I don't think you could have done anything different in this specific situation but I agree with the person who said it's probably best not to have friends with small children to stay, but you go to them instead. Your friend paid for train tickets to come to you, did all the prep for a big trip; asking her to cancel is a lot. It makes more sense for you to do the traveling, that way if their child gets a bug and can't see your child, then they are not being asked to absorb the cost of unused train tickets.

Original poster

Terriblefriend07 · 12/02/2023 16:03

We wouldn’t have done to hers. She wanted a break for the half term holiday, and we live in a central area with lots to do and see. I didn’t invite or organise. She asked I said yes. I wouldn’t take DC out of local area as any fever would mean that she was admitted his the local hospitals. This is not a secret amongst our friends it’s a very obvious situation to anyone that knows us.

OP posts:

DotAndCarryOne2 · 12/02/2023 17:08

SchoolTripDrama · 12/02/2023 11:18

Sorry but I completely agree with this. It's the 4yr old I'm concerned about. I'd be utterly furious. You also sound a bit neurotic about illness. I'm absolutely not saying you're lying, but if your little one was that vulnerable then they'd be in hospital. I know the protocols myself, first hand!

What was she supposed to do at 8pm? Surely she could've slept on the sofa overnight and left in the morning? Just keep your child out of the living room whilst they're there and for an hour or so after whilst you air the room out? The child may have had just a cough until they got there and then it suddenly escalated to a fever - I've had that happen to me when travelling to wales before. Perfectly fine on the journey just a mild cough then BAM! Full blown fever when we got to accommodation

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What a load of utter bollocks. The OP is not neurotic, and for you to suggest that the parent of a child who is so severely immunocompromised suggests that you know absolutely nothing of the protocols involved, despite your protests to the contrary. The child has spent time in hospital, and was then sent home with strict protocols in place - why on earth would you think she would have to live her life in hospital ? The friend invited herself, not the other way around, and the OP stated numerous times that all of their friends and family know the deal, so no excuse to turn up with a sick child, no matter when the sickness started - and by the time they arrived it was bad enough for the friends DD to be sick in the hall. Given the serious nature of DD’s illness, how exactly do you think separating them and airing rooms out afterwards would help ?

Noonesperfect · 12/02/2023 17:29

@DotAndCarryOne2

ARE YOU THE SO CALLED FRIEND?

Noonesperfect · 12/02/2023 17:30

Sorry just realised my mistake I meant @SchoolTripDrama , sorry 😐

aloris · 12/02/2023 17:35

Terriblefriend07 · 12/02/2023 16:03

We wouldn’t have done to hers. She wanted a break for the half term holiday, and we live in a central area with lots to do and see. I didn’t invite or organise. She asked I said yes. I wouldn’t take DC out of local area as any fever would mean that she was admitted his the local hospitals. This is not a secret amongst our friends it’s a very obvious situation to anyone that knows us.

I understand you are saying she essentially invited herself. However you also say that you won't visit other people because of the risk of your child becoming ill and needing to go to an unfamiliar hospital. So if your friend wants to see you then she basically has to come to you. So, it's not quite as simple as she's inviting herself. It's also that your situation has led you to place a condition on your friendships that seeing each other and keeping up the friendship means the other person has to take on the burden of travel. Again, it's totally understandable that you are making these decisions considering your situation, but my point is that I think you also need to own the fact that you are asking other people to accept that expense and inconvenience of travel if they want to see you, and also that at a moment's notice they might have to cancel their trip. So again I don't think you did anything wrong but I also understand why she's upset.

Gymnopedie · 12/02/2023 17:44

but my point is that I think you also need to own the fact that you are asking other people to accept that expense and inconvenience of travel if they want to see you, and also that at a moment's notice they might have to cancel their trip.

Sometimes yes, but in this instance the 'friend' invited herself because she wanted a cheap holiday and activities for herself and her DD at half term. So the expense and travel was on her, she was using the OP for cheap (free) accommodation.

Original poster

Terriblefriend07 · 12/02/2023 17:44

@aloris i mean we do go on planned vacations with friends but never last a certain distance away that I can’t drive back easily if that make sense
so last year we all went to a caravan park including her but it wasn’t as far as her house. I could understand if she didn’t know the circumstance but I literally tell people “ I am the most unreliable friend “ 😂😂 I make it no secret.

OP posts:

DotAndCarryOne2 · 12/02/2023 18:16

Noonesperfect · 12/02/2023 17:29

@DotAndCarryOne2

ARE YOU THE SO CALLED FRIEND?

How do you get to that ??!!🤧

Noonesperfect · 12/02/2023 18:19

Sorry I posted again straight away that I didn't mean you. . I put your name in error - apologies

Noonesperfect · 12/02/2023 18:20

@DotAndCarryOne2

Sorry I posted again straight away that I didn't mean you. . I put your name in error - apologies

Couldntthinkofausername24 · 12/02/2023 18:22

This would stress me out no end! My almost 3 year old has health conditions and I totally get this post. Yes we can't wrap them in cotton wool but we can keep them away from unnecessary bugs. He goes to nursery twice a week and nursery have a policy in place to let parents know of any bugs. Obviously not your common snotty nose and cold etc but anything more sinister. Such as a questionable fever, scarlet fever, chicken pox etc. So I simply wouldn't send him to nursery. Yes I'm probably just over cautious but what is the alternative? My son was born with septicemia and has a blood condition so I'm well aware of the open access to the children's ward and the IV antibiotics a gazillion times a year. My family and friends know not to come come if them or their children are unwell. Especially sickness and fever which this child experienced. It's a shame what has happened with OPs friend but I'd do exactly the same.