Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To have kicked my friend and her daughter out at 8pm

232 replies

Terriblefriend07 · 10/02/2023 21:17

I will try not to drip feed, so might be a
long post. I have name changed. My friend and her 4 year old daughter was due to stay this weekend.
my DC is has complex health condition which leaves them in hospital when ever they spike a fever or unwell. We try to live life normally the best we can. We have always had rules that If you are sick you do not enter our house.
my friend is 100 percent aware of the situation.

they arrived this evening with in a few seconds friend announces she has a wee bit of a cough ( I could deal this ) but it was very clear when I heard her that I was a very active new cough and she did not look well. Full of a virus / hacky cough / snot everywhere and bright cheeks. Was miserable and screaming. She then vomited in my hallway and I checked temp which was 39 ! I am an awful friend but I told them they had to leave. The only options were to travel back 3 hours or to go to a local hotel I have them the choice and I would pay for the hotel. I’m angry, she’s angry , we have had a bit of a big fall out and I feel like a terrible friend.

OP posts:
Keyansier · 10/02/2023 21:19

I would have done the same, except not pay/offer to pay for the hotel.

MichelleScarn · 10/02/2023 21:19

Is it possible the sickness was related to travelling for 3 hrs and the stress of that? Did you have any discussion like this?

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/02/2023 21:19

Bit confusing - did you pay for the hotel? If so, YANBU.

Meem321 · 10/02/2023 21:21

Who was coughing and sick? The friend?

Original poster
Terriblefriend07 · 10/02/2023 21:21

@MichelleScarn travelled by train and always does never an issue. Travels a fair amount.

OP posts:
Dijoduo · 10/02/2023 21:21

No, YANBU. It was very kind of you to offer to even pay for the hotel. She knowingly endangered your DC. Your choice was between being a bad friend and being a bad parent - you made the correct choice. Some people just don’t care about others and she’s clearly one of those people.

Original poster
Terriblefriend07 · 10/02/2023 21:22

Sorry I have just read the post and I was using my phone whilst being jumped on 🤣

her daughter was sick with fever.

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 10/02/2023 21:23

MichelleScarn · 10/02/2023 21:19

Is it possible the sickness was related to travelling for 3 hrs and the stress of that? Did you have any discussion like this?

And the temperature?

ImAvingOops · 10/02/2023 21:24

Your duty is to protect your child - they knew not to visit if unwell and did it anyway. This situation is entirely of their own doing.

Curriedpeanuts · 10/02/2023 21:24

In fairness her DC may have only had a bit of a cough when they left home. These things can come on quite quickly

BubziOwl · 10/02/2023 21:25

I don't think this makes you a bad friend, but even if it did then I'd sooner be a bad friend than a bad parent. You did the right thing, and imo you went above and beyond by offering to pay for the hotel. YANBU!

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/02/2023 21:25

Don’t pay for the hotel!

Riverlee · 10/02/2023 21:25

You are not an awful friend. Your dc’s health is paramount.

Not sure whether friend or friends daughter was poorly but temperature, cough and sickness is more than a slight cold.

Tandora · 10/02/2023 21:25

Hmmm that’s a really really tricky situation, especially as they love 3 hours away. . Problem is at 4 they get so sick so often and it’s not always predictable. Since you offered to pay for the hotel I’m inclined to say YANBU, but I think more context is needed to really judge , like how you handled the conversation, more context on how serious it is for you Ds to get unwell, how big your house is etc..

londonrach · 10/02/2023 21:28

Yabu to pay for the hotel! Friend isn't a friend as knows your DC condition

Swiftswatch · 10/02/2023 21:28

I probably would have just sent her to bed and they could have headed off or to a hotel the next day.
I imagine she didn’t drag a 4 year old vomiting across the country so it sounds like it had just come on.

Original poster
Terriblefriend07 · 10/02/2023 21:30

our house is an average 2 bed flat.
I was thrown a bit when they first arrived, and was taken by surprise at first or was underplayed oh it’s just a cough. You could see instantly she wasn’t well.
I took her temp not friend and she said well we can just give Calpol. I said I am sorry but I can not have her here.
we then got in to an argument because of the time.
my DC is complex but to make it easier to understand their condition requires the same hospital protocols as an oncology patient when sick with a fever.

OP posts:
LilLilLi · 10/02/2023 21:30

What else could you have done?

Her child is unwell with a temperature, if she passed it on your DC would likely end up in hospital.

You were very generous to offer to pay for a hotel, I can’t believe she was mad at you!

Hydie · 10/02/2023 21:30

Shes the awful friend

BatshitBanshee · 10/02/2023 21:35

Don't know what she's angry about, she should be apologising. None of those symptoms suddenly crop up at the doorstep, she'd have to have some inkling DC wasn't well at all - and to know about your DC's health and to still come?? Absolutely crazy. She should be thankful you had the grace to offer to pay for a hotel.

Undisclosedlocation · 10/02/2023 21:39

there’s definitely an abysmal friend in this scenario but it most certainly isn’t you!

7eleven · 10/02/2023 21:43

You’ve done nothing wrong

Tamarindtree · 10/02/2023 21:49

She brought an obvious sick child to your home where you have a vulnerable child.

You did the right thing.

MonicaFree · 10/02/2023 21:52

OP, you did well.

What happened with the hotel? Did they just go home?

Munches · 10/02/2023 21:55

Meem321 · 10/02/2023 21:21

Who was coughing and sick? The friend?

That was my thought