AIBU To have kicked my friend and her daughter out at 8pm

[Terriblefriend07]

I will try not to drip feed, so might be a
long post. I have name changed. My friend and her 4 year old daughter was due to stay this weekend.
my DC is has complex health condition which leaves them in hospital when ever they spike a fever or unwell. We try to live life normally the best we can. We have always had rules that If you are sick you do not enter our house.
my friend is 100 percent aware of the situation.

they arrived this evening with in a few seconds friend announces she has a wee bit of a cough ( I could deal this ) but it was very clear when I heard her that I was a very active new cough and she did not look well. Full of a virus / hacky cough / snot everywhere and bright cheeks. Was miserable and screaming. She then vomited in my hallway and I checked temp which was 39 ! I am an awful friend but I told them they had to leave. The only options were to travel back 3 hours or to go to a local hotel I have them the choice and I would pay for the hotel. I’m angry, she’s angry , we have had a bit of a big fall out and I feel like a terrible friend.

I hope your dc is ok. You can’t make exceptions and risk your child’s health in case you upset someone

You did the right thing but I think I can also understand you friend not being happy to be thrown out in the night with a sick child. However, I’m sure she’ll understand when she’s calmed down.

@Terriblefriend07 you have done nothing wrong! Your DC comes first, your friend knows the situation and shame on them
for putting you/DC at risk. Doesn’t matter if they’re selfish, naive, plain silly or thoughtless… you have done the right thing, and are very kind to cover the hotel bill!

Same. I’ve got 3 kids, no underlying health issues we’re aware of, but 3 sick kids when it could be avoided is a hard no thanks from me.

This.

Your friend was out of order to come at all.

You chucked your friend out onto the street at 8pm with a poorly 4 year old!!? At 4 they can't even properly articulate how they are feeling so no doubt your friend will have had as little warning as you. Why on earth did you invite them to stay if you can't handle other people's germs and viruses and bugs!? If I were your friend, I would be absolutely furious. This isn't her fault, how was she to know her DD would get a temp and be sick after a big journey!?

Even without underlying health conditions I’d be pissed off if a friend brought a clearly very unwell child into the house to infect everyone. I’ve got a friend who does this. Kids will all be playing and then she will announce that her son has been vomiting all night. Lo and behold d&v passes between all 3 of my children and I have a horrific week. Nice of you to offer to pay for the hotel to be honest.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Your friendship is over. She’s never coming to visit you again, that’s for sure! (Have you even asked how her daughter is?)

I did not kick anyone put on the street for clarification.

Your friend was totally unreasonable. Only slightly less so if her daughter became unwell on the journey. You were kind to pay for the hotel. I can't see how this is a salvageable friendship

In future, I would not offer anyone to stay in your house. Your child is vulnerable, so I would not introduce the risk of someone sick coming to stay.

Reminds me of when I was pregnant (after 10 IVFs and multiple losses, so did everything I could to stay well and healthy during pregnancy). The evening before I gave birth, a friend came to visit with a streaming cold/flu. I was horrified someone would share their bugs with me, who needed to stay well for the next few days/weeks.

Even if it came on during the journey, if my child was ill and running a fever (and at 39 degrees she would have felt feverish to me) by the end of a train journey I absolutely would not have continued on to stay at someone's house. I would have booked us into a hotel, gone to Tesco's to get paracetamol and supplies and hunkered down for the night. And that is without a vulnerable child in the house. You were being more than generous offering to pay for a hotel.

Tbh half the bugs we've had recently literally can come full force from nowhere within a couple of hours they are so bad..My hubby had to take his first ever sick day off in 10 years last week. He went to work absolutely fine and no joke 3 hours later was back home looking like death warmed up vomiting,headache,coughing etc...Anyhow I would have done the same paid for a hotel especially when it's a friend and a child who didn't just travel 10 minutes to see you. That in my eyes was the right thing to do. Maybe tomorrow you can chat properly once the moods calmed down a bit. Probably a mix of tiredness and frustration aswell.

Read the OP's OP. It's not that they can't have visitors. just not ones with illness. The possibility that the friend's child became ill while on the journey is immaterial - they were ill and posed a serious threat to the health of the OP's child. The outcome would always be they can't come in.

To the question have I asked if her child was ok. Yes I also transferred money for medicine so she could get the fever down.
we still have people in our house because we don’t and can’t isolate DC from the world and she enjoys having friends around. We do not however let sick people in.
they catches viruses and infections but I wouldn’t purposely expose her to one.

I’m very relaxed when it comes to sick friends and looking after sick kids BUT the big difference is no one in my house needs a hospital visit for normal mild illnesses. The consequences for me and my family getting sick is minimal, just discomfort. Your family is not the same. She is bang out of order, she would have known she was sick before leaving home. She was being very selfish.

Why is your friend angry? Does she think her coughing, snotty, vomiting, feverish child should have been allowed to stay?

I hate this entitled attitude of people. Especially after the pandemic but even more so with your child having medical issues. The selfishness of people never fails to surprise me. How hard would it of been to say that her DD is sick and could we please rearrange. You would have felt so much more comfortable. Now it is the not being able to trust when your friend comes down she isn't carrying some bug if she thinks this is acceptable. It is damaging to your friendship but you have done nothing wrong!

This

She’s behaved outrageously.

id feel guilty if I took a sick child to anyone’s house, let alone to a small house where a child with health issues lives.

Well I think you should be ashamed to kick a four year old poorly child and your friend out after they’d travelled for hours to see you. Absolute disgrace really and I don’t think the friendship will recover.

1. I didn’t kick them out on the street
2. They didn’t travel to see me they were staying as they wanted to being DD to the local area as it’s a touristy place which is fine with me but it wasn’t they are coming to solely see us and didn’t invite them they asked.
3. I don’t know what else I could of done ? What else could I have done ?

*bring

OP should be glad the "friendship" will never recover. I don't care if the child didn't have symptoms till they were at her doorstep. You know your friends child has health issues. Anyone with half a brain cell would have bever stepped thru her door

So she lets her child catch the bug and be hospitalised?